So, last time we left the gals, Jessica quit the team and found out about Liz and Ken’s torrid affair. Which still totally infuriates me, because it was so thrown in there after the affect! And with Ken, of all people! And suddenly Liz’s obsession with ken comes out of the woodwork! Even last miniseries when she was all up in Bruce’s speedo!!!
Ken actually does something useful- suggests that Jessica start her own cheerleading squad. So Jess goes out and recruits good dancers and gymnasts, along with Lila and Maria and Jean, who Heather booted. And…Jade Wu! I totally thought she would never appear in the series again. I must eat my words. And some gal Patty Gilbert, who I am apparently supposed to know about.
Jessica also blackmails Liz to be on her team. Either she joins or Jess tells Todd about Ken. So, um, yeah.
Lots of pages that throw in some cheerleading terminology and how Jessica is getting frustrated with her team. Blah blah blah. Apparently one can learn to do backflips and extensive pyramids within two days practice. Including Liz.
Lots of instances where Liz is crazy jealous of Ken and Jessica and mean to Todd. Seriously, this needs to get resolved quick because these scenes are just the same things over and over again.
Heather’s squad only has four people: her, Annie Whitman, Amy Sutton, and Sandra Bacon. And she forbids them all from talking Jessica. Although that is mean, I love how Jessica has tasted her own medicine and IT IS BITTER! I would have loved for Annie Whitman to be all, “remember when you made me feel so horrible I tried to kill myself when you kept me out of the squad? Payback’s a bitch!”. And didn’t Jessica once keep Amy Sutton off their stupid fucking baton twirling team once in the twins series? Maybe I just dreamt that.
Ok, so a scout came to one of the games and wants Heather’s team to go to the nationals. Ooookaaaayyyy, I was not a cheerleader in high school (surprise) but I don’t think that is how the national cheerleading competition works. First of all, you need an ADULT SUPERVISOR which they clearly don’t have.
Jess wants to be recruited to the nationals too, so she has her squad show up to the scout’s house. Listen, i am sure his wife is pissed enough that her husband watches high school girls shake their asses all day, he doesn’t need them showing up at his house. So he loves them but tells them that Heather already has the team that is going. On the way back they decide to stop at the football game in progress and sabotage the halftime. Jess gives her cassette to the PA guy and they come out and do their thing before Heather’s squad can. And the crowd goes wild!! Also, every student is at the football game, apparently.
Jessica get a brilliant idea that the school should VOTE on who gets to go to nationals, and approaches Chrome Dome with the idea of a cheer-off. NOTE TO ADULTS: IT’S OK TO SAY NO TO JESSICA. Ignoring any type of precedents, respect for the National Cheerleading Association, or boundaries, agrees to it. I think he even cancels class. What the fuck. Does everyone in the school really care? I’ll bet Lois Waller throws up in her mouth when she realizes she’s required to go to this shit show.
So both teams kick ass, and it’s a dead tie! The other members hatch a plan to tell both Heather and Jessica that they will each be the sole captains and to join the teams. Of course their egos both agree. So then they go to the regionals and win. Because forming a team within the span of three weeks makes you the best. But, I guess if you have the Wakefield twins, you’re the best.
MIRACULOUSLY, Heather and Jessica now get along. Nice plot consistency. At point, Ken comes up to Liz thinking she’s Jess and invites her out that night. Liz plays along and tells Jess that Ken had to cancel so she can go out with him. So they go to Miller’s Point or whatever and start making out and BAM! Ken realizes it’s Liz and BAM! Liz realizes she’s suddenly over Ken. If she got over him that quickly, did we REALLY need to hear all the incessant whining over her feelings?
They go to tell Todd and Jessica to come clean but it turns out that Jess and Todd found out and are super-pissed. Todd and Liz cheating on each other? It must be a Tuesday.
Can we talk about the cover? There are too many fucking blondes, I can’t tell who is who. First i thought the girls in the bleachers with the stringy hair were Liz and Jess, spying and plotting on Heather’s team, but then I realized that must be Heather and someone else spying on Jess’ new team. And that must be Jessica doing that spazzy jump. Isn’t Jade Asian and Patty is black? Where are they?
My grade: A-