Many of you mentioned this as a memorable BSC book, so I decided to reread it. In fact, my parents just camr to visit me from Florida, and before they came I insisted they go up in the attic, search through my huge collection of old books, and bring it with them on the plane. Thanks mom!
This one was fucking overloaded with outfit descriptions. I guess when the BSC ghostwriters get stuck, they just describe every detail of someone’s outfit.
All Mal wants to do is get her ears pierced and to look “cooler” and pierced ears are her gateway to cool world. In fact, she goes to the mall just to watch people get their ears pierced and salivates. Until Margo almost throws up. That girl sure did vomit a lot.
Mallory is always so intimidated by the rest of the BSC. Kristy maybe because she’s a cold hearted beast, but she is really in awe of Claudia, mostly because she dresses like a mental patient. And Dawn because she’s so unique. Remember how every five seconds we had to hear how unique Dawn was? If she was so unique, why did she always settle for being Maryanne’s OTHER best friend? Also, I can’t believe that Mal and Jessi are ELEVEN! Would someone really leave their kid with an eleven year old?
Mallory is obsessed with pierced ears, so much that at the BSC meeting she practically orgasms over the earrings present. “Claudia was wearing earrings that looked like little red sneakers….Dawn had clip on turquoise triangles.” How Golden Girls of her.
Oh yea, plot. Mal gets a regular job sitting for the Arnold twins who are totally identical and their deranged mother dresses them identically but they are really pissed because they want their own identities. And they get snotty with Mal until she buys them birthday presents that are catered to their individual interests and that makes them like her and she helps them talk to their mother about it. Because all parents love eleven year olds how to raise their children. But that gives Mal the chutzpa to talk about her own parents about her need to look cooler, and they let her pierce her ears and cut her hair and buy clothes with her own money. oooo, how rebellious.
Fuck plot. Back to the outfits.
We get lots of twin outfit descriptions. “Both girls were wearing blue kilts with straps that went over the shoulders [as opposed to under?], white blouses with lace edging and collars and sleeves, white knee socks, and black patent leather Mary Jane shoes. Their brown hair was cut in a bowl shape, framing their faces, and each twin had a blue headband with a blue bow on the side of it.”
Mrs. Arnold dresses like an Orlando prostitute: “In a moment a fussy-looking woman came down the stairs. Do you know what I mean by fussy? I mean, everything about her was too much and too cute. She was wearing two necklaces, a pin, bracelets on each wrist, rings, earrings, and even an ankle bracelet. Her stockings were lacey, and she was, well, as Claud might have said, overly accessorized. [Claud should talk.] There were bows on her shoes, a bow on her belt, a bow in her hair, and a bow at the neck of her blouse. Her sweater was beaded and she hadn’t forgotten to pin a fake rose to it. Whew! As for cute, her earrings were in the shape of ladybugs, one of her necklaces spelled her name- Linda- in gold script, her pin was in the shape of a mouse, and the bow in her hair was a ribbon with a print of tiny ducks on it.”
Mallory gets a hard on exaaming the BSC’s outfits during the meeting. Claudia: “Her long hair was fixed in about a million tiny braids which were pulled back behind her head with a column of puffy ponytail holders. She was wearing a T-shirt she painted herself, tight blue pants that ended just past her knees, push down socks, and no shoes. From her ears dangled small baskets of fruit. She’d made those, I knew. She’s found the baskets and the fruits at a store that sells miniatures. Claudia amazes me.” I don’t understand, was the word capri pants not invented yet?
“Maryanne was wearing a short, plum-colored skirt over a plum-and-white-striped body suit. The legs of the bodysuit stopped just above her ankles, [as opposed to past her ankles?] and she’s tucked the bottoms into her socks. The neat thing about the outfit was that she was wearing suspenders.” Maryanne was wearing a bodystocking? I just can’t picture it. What a pain to deal with when you have to pee.
Mallory would copy Dawn’s entire outfit. “Dawn was wearing oversized (really oversized) blue shirt. [yes nothing more flattering than making youself look like a potato sack.]One of the coolest things about it was that it was green inside, so that when she turned the collar down and rolled the sleeves up, you could see those nice touches of green at her neck and wrists. She was wearing a green skirt- and clogs. I’d never seen a person actually wearing clogs, just photos of people in Sweden.” Dawn is SO ORIGINAL!!!! Haven’t you heard?
Mal takes the twins to the mall to get their new clothes. One of the twins gets a Jean skirt and ruffly white blouse. The other gets a sweatshirt with gold moon and stars on it, and “cool jeans”. Whaddya gonna do, they’re eight. Come to think of it, Mallory is eleven, only three years older than the kids she sits. While at the mall, Mallory buys blue push-down socks and has an aneurysm she is so excited. Does she mean slouch socks? Those are cool and her mother didn’t buy her those previously? Remember when you wore about three pairs at once and then your shoes wouldn’t fit?
She also buys earrings for herself and Jessi that look like open books. And she wants her ears pierced to be cool? I may as well buy a tapestry vest with cats embroidered on it.
Later the BSC accompany Jessi and Mal to the mall when they get their ears pierced. Claudia gets a second hole in one ear and Dawn calls her mom to get permission, and her mom lets fer get two in each ear. Probably because her Mom was drunk and was busy storing her shoes in the fridge. Mallory also gets her haircut to be short and fluffy. Um, cool?
Kristy is such an asshole during meetings. And she wears a fucking visor. Unless she is a banker from the 1940s, that is ridiculous. And Claudia eating all the junkfood and being skinny? I hate that.
I kind of forgot about the BSC notebook, which is ridiculous and such a waste of time. And we get some obnoxious entires that were written by two sitters that read like a dialogue. “Wow this was the worst sitting job ever!” “You can say that again!” “It was crazy!” “I know!” I’m paraphrasing, but still.
Claudia sits for the Arnold twins once and she hates them. “Malery, you can have the twines,” she writes. First of all, what kind of moron can’t even spell their friend’s name? And I am so over her bad spelling. Seriously, mom and Dad, get her a fucking tutor.
And with that, I am off to start reading the 6 new Caitlin books I just got in the mail. Life is good.
UPDATE: If you want to see Claudia Kishi’s impact on fashion, read some Blue States Lose columns from Gawker.