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Hold on to your lavalieres: There’s more Sweet Valley Confidential coming your way.

I stumbled upon this by accident, but it seems that Sweet Valley Confidential will continue as an ebook miniseries.

A pat on the back to the publishers, who I think made a good decision after (what I am assuming) was disappointing sales and reviews of Sweet Valley Confidential. These seem to be mini-books, which is easier to swallow since too much Wakefield fuckery really gets my goat. But enough of stating the obvious, let’s check out the summary for book #1, The Sweet Life (of Zach and Cody?…sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

From Francine Pascal, creator of the bestselling Sweet Valley High series and author of the NY Times bestselling Sweet Valley Confidential, comes the continuing adventures of beautiful blonde twins Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield in an exciting new six-part e-serial, The Sweet Life.

Three years after the events of Sweet Valley Confidential, Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield are back in Sweet Valley and inseparable once more. Things are looking up for both twins: Elizabeth is a star reporter at the LA Tribune with a popular blog, and Jessica’s PR career is on the fast-track.

Oh god. Of COURSE Elizabeth is a star reporter. They probably hired her after her two-week high school internship at Flair Magazine. And because of her internship at The London Times! Her blog will be ridiculous. I am sure she write lifestyle pieces, like “what should I do with all my boyfriend’s money?” or “is it awkward that my now-boyfriend Bruce tried to rape me when we were in high school?”

Also, I love how Francine and co are STILL out of touch. If she were really popular, she’d have an active twitter/tumblr. But ok, blog it is. Somehow I am seeing it at Bachelor contestant Jenna’s blog. Or, even better, it will be like the privileged, ridiculous and condescending GOOP.

Jessica is in PR. I love how “social” people are assumed to be good in PR. Just like Heidi “I want to party for a living!” Montag gets a job at Bolthouse. Jessica’s advice to her clients: “Act like a total sociopath so that you get all the attention! Put yourself in harm’s way as much as you can to get more attention! ”

But while the professional lives of the Wakefield sisters are secure, their personal lives may be in jeopardy. Jessica, now a mother, finds that managing parenthood, marriage, and a job is harder than she expected, while Elizabeth and Bruce must face a scandal that could strengthen their bond…or tear them apart for ever.

Someone PLEASE call social services for the sake of Jessica’s child. I’ll bet that she leaves the child at home until she feels like coming home, because “child-rearing doesn’t really start til she arrives anyway.” If this child has aqua-blue eyes and a perfect-sized newborn-3 months figure, I’ll kill myself.

From what I interpret, it seems like she and her hubby Todd will be fighting a lot about the time she has to put into her family. Of course, the only thing more INTERESTING than reading about teenagers constantly fighting and breaking up, it’s reading about miserable married couples fighting over how to treat their children.

Meanwhile, life goes on in Sweet Valley. Families are made, hearts are broken, and…Lila Fowler is a reality TV star? Some things never change.
The Sweet Life takes Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield through a new chapter in their well-chronicled and beloved fictional lives. This dramatic first installment and cliff-hanger ending will leave readers breathless for the next episode.

I would like to point out that Lila becoming a reality star was my idea a while ago. Francine, if you want me to write plotlines for your books, all you need to do is ask! I have a great idea about a Super Special called “Mass Suicide Madness!”

Anyhoos, it comes out in June, and now that we’ve all suffered through the trainwreck that was Sweet Valley Confidential, I’m actually looking forward to this. By my calculations, the twins should be almost thirty. I can now compare my life to theirs once again.

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12 thoughts on “Hold on to your lavalieres: There’s more Sweet Valley Confidential coming your way.

  1. Jennifer says:

    I had heard it was supposed to be E-book only, but now both BN and Amazon also have preorders for the hardback books (at $12! each!). So I figured I’d order it for my Kindle for a 1.99 and then see about getting it in hardcover (because, you know, I can’t resist :D)

    Here’s a link that I found for the whole series, with pictures up for the first three, and all six titles available. So we’ll see what happens.

    http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/?series_id=775012

  2. Jennifer says:

    Oh, and i forgot to add in that it says the hardcover is 432 pages but the nook book is 32. WTF? Are the nook books just previews? (I’m a little new at e-books and stuff, but still… where are the other 400 pages?

  3. Tannille says:

    I was hoping FP was going to scrap Sweet Valley Confidential with all its continuity blunders and start a new series, with out Bruce being the new drippy Todd and doing Liz. More so, I like to believe Jessica and Todd married was just a bad dream. Now there is a sprog. Is there a chance Francine will do a ‘Dallas’ with this book? Jessica wakes up and stumbles in her twin sister’s room, “Liz I just had the most horrific dream.” I guess there is now scope for Todd to explore twin fantasies. That might work.

  4. Magpie says:

    “Someone PLEASE call social services for the sake of Jessica’s child.”

    Seriously. I can only assume she will somehow manage to persuade Elizabeth do most of the child-rearing tasks while she goes out partying instead.

    Ugh, I had (mercifully) successfully blocked Elizabeth and Bruce-the-former-almost-rapist from my brain. I will never be OK with that pairing. Ditto Jessica and Todd, but that’s only because I’m annoyed that we all suffered through endless Liz/Todd sagas for nothing. It does seem a bit stereotypical that Jessica ends up in PR, but that is actually one of the only things about the entire reboot that makes any sense to me.

    All that said: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD someone please reassure me that these books will be available in the UK!!!

  5. Whallie says:

    All of this may sound great if Winston Eggbert was still alive. I still can’t get over FP for killing him off. The guy that has been in every book, was the cool geeky guy who was friends with everyone, always wore his heart on his sleeve, and tried to cheer you up. Yet in the end, he never got on a book cover, even in the background of one, and was killed off for ultimately being a genius (who wore glasses):(

  6. nikkihb says:

    My greatest hope for SVC is that it would be so bad it’s good. Instead it was just bad. Will that stop me from buying The Sweet Life? Sigh…..nope. I hope Stephen is still gay at least.

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