The real epilogue

The lack of comments on my last post about SVC has led me to believe that y’all are not interested in me tearing about every part of the book. Plus, it was exhausting.However, the part that PUZZLED me the most, not to mention disappointed me, was the epiologue explaining “where are they now?”. It’s as if Francine doesn’t like her characters. Not that I believe in happy, neat endings, but it seemed that her characters who were “good and kind” are now assholes. And the assholes who date raped and manipulated had happy endings. Sure, they are her characters, she can do what she wants, but it is just so puzzling.

We all have our own ideas about how these characters ended up, so here is mine.

Lila Fowler: After college, Lila moved to Los Angeles to try to make it as a hand model. Snubbed by Ingenue magazine earlier in her life, she decided to go a different route. On one of her first go-sees, she met an older, wealthy production designer. In a whirlwind romance, they wre married a few months later. Lila now lives in Beverly Hills and is a socialite involved with a lot of philanthropic organizations. She doesn’t really know the causes, but she does love hosting the benefits at her villa. Next year, Lila will join the cast of the new season of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.”

Enid Rollins: After college, Enid attended Stanford medical school to study pediatrics. She met her husband in medical school, and they both accepted residencies in a small farm town in Iowa. When they are done, they plan to enter the Doctors Without Borders program to provide medical services to orphans in Uganda. Enid is very excited that Elizabeth thinks that this is very noble of her. She and Liz Skype every week.

Ken Matthews: was drafted into the NFL, first draft pick after college. He enjoyed his time in the spotlight until that pesky DUI. His performance slowly declined and after a bad hit in a game, his blindness returned. Terry, his former high school sweetheart, suddenly reappeared in his life. They have been together ever since, and now Ken does a speaking circuit of local high schools. Terry is his tour manager and agent.

Bruce Patman: despite showing some hints at reforming after college, he was unable to find a job after college, even when throwing around his family name. Finally, he had to stoop to taking a pity job from George Fowler at his microchip processing plant. After being fired for sexual harassment of female employees, he started to spend most of his time at nightclubs in LA, drinking and staying out to all hours of the night, and throwing his money around at expensive restaurants. He has been rumored to be canoodling with many celebrities and C-list actresses. Right now he is trying to launch his own line of leather carseat covers.

Steven Wakefield: After several years of working in a law firm at Sweet Valley, he finally came out to his friends and family. He met his current partner, Aaron Dallas, at a drag show  in another town. Aaron, who was also not out at the time, feared he would be recognized, so was at the club in drag. He was wearing a curly red wig and a lacey white shirt when he met Steven. They’ve been living together for two years. They are the co-chairs of the Sweet Valley Pride committee. Steven has supported Aaron through his counseling psychology grad program. This has been very helpful for Aaron, who has now been able to see that all his rage issues that he blamed on his parents’ divorce  was really internal homophobia and jealousy towards Elizabeth; he was harboring a secret crush on his high school best friend, Jeffrey French.

After graduating college, Winston Eggbert moved to the Bay Area and helped found a start up company called jokebook, where users can create profiles and connect over their favorite punchlines. The company was bought by Facebook, and now Winston was able to quit working and pursue several of his dreams. When the competitive eating career did not pan out, Winston started writing stand-up and eventually was hired to write for the Jay Leno show.

More later.  Also, thanks for the link, Gothamist.

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17 thoughts on “The real epilogue

  1. Romy says:

    Way, way better than the epilogue in the book. Your life stories actually make sense! Leather carseat covers made me laugh out loud.

    It just all seemed so lazy, the she listed the different occupations/etc at the end. She couldn’t have integrated it more smoothly into the storyline? Gah, thinking about how badly-written the book was angries up my blood (I was constantly saying to myself, “Show, don’t tell!” while reading it). Such a wasted opportunity for campy nostalgia.

    • Dani says:

      Yep. Totally agree. I wanted it to be either good, or so bad it’s good, but it’s just terrible. Sooo poorly written too. So clunky and random and the first person flashbacks are the worst.

  2. Dani says:

    Oh, and so obviously trying to be adult. Oh look, there’s a gay character now. And they swear.
    And the attempts at sex scenes were awwwwwful.

  3. Stephanie says:

    These make so much more sense! I didn’t understand why Jessica and Todd invited so many people they hate to their wedding reception. Especially as it seemed they hadn’t seen many of them in years.

  4. aubyn says:

    The little follow ups at the end of the book really made me angry because they were so off in their facts. Yours are much better. The book itself made me unhappy by the end but I sort of expected that. Love this site and your 21 jump street site.

  5. Ann says:

    Enid Rollins

    Enid’s girl crush on Elizabeth slowly faded into resentment and hatred. They no longer speak. After an unfortunate attempt at bleaching her hair blonde in college, Enid has moved on and now only dates brunette hipster chicks who find her name to be *just* obscure enough to be interesting. She also plays the ukelele, and in between emo poetry readings at coffee shops, has recently applied to medical school.

  6. Ann says:

    Steven Wakefield:

    Steven Wakefield is currently serving time for charges of pedophilia. He was arrested when a SVHS parent discovered him hanging out a Sweet Valley high school pool party when on “spring break” from SVU. Steven was 36.

    Had crucial evidence been excluded at trial, Steven likely would never have been convicted. However, Steven’s father, attorney Ned Wakefield, represented him at trial. The judge noted that Ned’s curious overextension into all areas of law made him a jack of all trades and master of none. The judge advised Steven to hire a “real criminal lawyer” for the appeal.

  7. Just Some Trans Guy says:

    I like your epilogue much, much better–and think it’s got a better mix of “that makes sense” and “ooh, I didn’t quite expect that” than Francine’s actual epilogue had. I also, of course, like that Winston is still alive.

    I like to think that Enid found a way to reconcile her Enid high school years and Alex college years and finally reach some level of self-love. I also like to think that Liz received some come-uppance or another and was suitably humbled and became a less “perfect,” more bearable human being. And, of course, that Lila continued to be completely awesome and complex and fabulous.

    Lastly, I like to think that Winston and Denise (from SVU) are still together and blissfully happy, because they were totally my OTP.

  8. Paula says:

    I didn’t comment on any of your previous SVC posts because I hadn’t read and/or finished the book. I prefer your epilogue.

    The problem I found with SVC in general was that it was a hell of a lot more realistic than the SVH of my childhood. I found it weird that the characters weren’t as stereotyped anymore. It wasn’t what I expected from Francine Pascal. And the ending pretty much sucked. Because . . . actually, I don’t want to give too much away for anyone who hasn’t read. BUT . . . i posted on twitter that it had generally disappointed me and a fellow blogger had asked me why I was surprised about this. And I saw her point.

  9. Whallie says:

    I always thought/hoping that Lila and Bruce would end up in love and married. They’re both wealthy, snobs, and they never dated each other in HS, but they had secret crushes in each other. Also, it would have a made a great story considering their fathers were always at each others throats (i.e. new money vs old money).

    I like how Winston ended up. I hate the fate Francine gave him in her book. The dude never did any wrong. But I guess is was destined since he NEVER had his own book cover. When I think of how Winston looks I just think of the cute Jew guy who played him on the SVH show.

  10. Sara says:

    Yeah, definitely much better! I just finished the book and man… I feel so cheated. I’m going to pretend I never read this book!

  11. Lynne says:

    I love your epilogue, especially, Steve’s and Aaron’s lives. Aaron dressed in drag looks like Tricia and Steve falls in love = you’re a genius.

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