If Book Covers Could Talk: In Love Again

Courtesy of The Closet

Liz: Hi Todd!

Todd:  Hey Liz, you sure look pretty.

Liz: Thanks. Randy Mason made a time machine, and I traveled to the future to a place called Urban Outfitters, and got this dress.

Todd: Wow! Who are we posing for?

Liz: I don’t know, but keep smiling!

Todd: Well, that won’t be hard, I am so glad my family moved back to Sweet Valley and now we are super rich! Too bad I go to Lovett Academy, the snooty prep school. The kids here have names like Campbell Rochester, hang out with celebs like Michael Jackson and take seminars on ancient Greece. Since we don’t go to the same school anymore, I rarely get to see you.

Liz:I know! It’s so hard!


Liz: Who said that? Jessica? Enid?

Todd: Oh never mind. We should spend every waking moment together after school, going to Secca lake, where you can give me a b-

Liz:…book to read that expresses how much I love you?

Todd: Sure…yea, I guess. That’s what I meant.

Liz: Oh Todd, but this is so hard! By being with each other, we are neglecting our other commitments! The Oracle will fall apart without me!

Todd: Well then…maybe we should break up.

Liz: Oh Todd, you really mean it? It’s just like when you were here!

Todd: I know, but this may be awkward, because Courtney, the girl whom I rejected for you, has decided to take her revenge out on us by convincing her radio-producer father tio sponsor a battle of the area schools to see which school is best. There will be a geography bee, really races, and rope climbing. Oh, and a trivia bowl. Because those things prove the best school. All the schools will agree to this, and the entire event will take place at Lovett Academy. All the schools will get a week off, of course and somehow coincidentally, we will end up doing the same event- rope climbing. Only you will be on the SVH team and I will be on the Lovett team. And the competing against each other will serve as a metaphor for our competing commitments and lifestyles that keep us apart. Only Courtney will loosen your rope, causing you to fall snd almost break your neck. This near-death experience (your 15th) will cause me to see how much I really do love you, and I will convince my parents to let me enroll back in Sweet Valley High, where I really belong.

Liz: But Todd, that seems so unlikely to happen!

Todd: I know, right? It’s so far-fetched!

Liz: I mean really, a geography bee? Of course it would be a spelling bee! Who do you think I am, an idiot?

Todd: No, of course not. Now shut up and let’s get to the Dairi Burger so I can hand feed you some french fries and lick the salt off your fingers.

31 thoughts on “If Book Covers Could Talk: In Love Again

  1. maplesstraveler says:

    That was HILARIOUS. Gold. Pure gold. “lick the salt off your fingers” HAHAHAHA

    On another note … this Courtney isn’t the same Courtney from the Perfect Summer Super Special, right? The one who also tried to steal Todd?

    • ihatewheat says:

      Yes. I think Emilie would be another good candidate to play the twins.

      I also want to add that I actually LIKE this book cover. Liz actually does look pretty, and looks her age. Todd looks somewhat dorky but somewhat cute for an 80s teen heartthrob.

      • Vanessa Saxton says:

        No way! I HATED this cover. I thought it was one of the worst Olan Mills portraits ever! Liz’s outfit looks terry-cloth and Todd looks like the principal from The Breakfast Club. Liz looks like she’s squinting, too.

  2. Whallie says:

    Lovett Academy sounds like the perfect Lila and Bruce school. Where they can meet and date beautiful, rich, sophisticated snobs just like them. Oh, wait. But that would actually mean that they would no longer be the hottest hotties of the bunch, and be able to push people around with their rudeness. Plus, life would get rather too interesting if they didn’t attend SVH. I mean, who wouldn’t want to go to a school where Liz and Todd make staring at the paint on the walls seem fun? And what would Lila and Bruce do without a conniving and sleazy blond bombshell? The valley would never know.

  3. Jen S says:

    So this super-rich academy just materialized out of nowhere, like Brigadoon? Why was Liz trying to get a scholarship to Switzerland when she could have gotten one here, and could have stuck around torturing Enid and Jeffery and everyone else whilst discoursing on geography and writing her gossip column in greek?

    (And man, they must have a lot of time on their hands over at Lovettown, since Courtney Not The One From That Super Special had enough jealousy and free study periods to rig up this revenge.)

    As annoying as it is to be told that the twins are so radiantly beautiful they are as the sun, inspiring worship and fear from all who gaze upon them, it’s just as much of an irritant to be told that Todd The Bland and Jeffery The Insipid are similarly dazzling. Why the hell are so many chicks hot for Todd’s goodies? He comes across as nice but clearly gets gratification only from cockteasing and chastity belts. When a girl offers him a real chance at a little somthin’ somthin’ he panics and flees back to Liz, whose ability to not have sex wit him is truely boundless.

    • Whallie says:

      Jen S, I don’t get that either about Todd. For a long while I thought Franny would release a book about Todd coming to grips with himself, and come out of the closet to tell us all about his new found gayisum. Which would be cool if you can picture him with Ken Mathews. But anyway, I feel like no one but Jess made it to second base until their 4th year of COLLEGE! Maybe the problem is because SV seriously lacks a drive-in movie theater. I dunno…

    • Neek1981 says:

      Jen S, I laughed out loud when I read “Todd’s goodies.” Ha…ha…ha…Someone should do a fanfic with that title.
      Also, isn’t Todd supposed to be coffee-eyed? His eyes look rather blue here.

  4. Magpie says:

    “…feed you some french fries and lick the salt off your fingers”

    BARF. That is exactly like every nauseating Liz/Todd moment rolled into one!

    I also like this cover. It’s a really pretty representation of Liz, but I think I prefer Todd on the cover of Dangerous Love. Everything about the Battle of the Schools makes me roll my eyes. Wasn’t Jeffrey on the same relay team as Liz, just to stretch the relationship metaphor to its absolute limit? Lovett Academy seems to exist solely to piss off the SVH students and remind us that all non-Sweet Valleyites have no morals. Is it ever mentioned again, apart from when they briefly bring back Courtney Kane so that Todd can get revenge on Liz?

    • Cally says:

      Oh man, Magpie, Dangerous Love Todd is friggin’ *hot*! That is always how I pictured him. The cover for Todd’s Story had the same model. This one, though… It’s all right. Not bad, but no DL either.

      • Magpie says:

        Totally agree! Dangerous Love Todd is how I always picture him. I’d really love to know who the real-life model was. My only issue is that I’m sure it’s not realistic for a sixteen-year-old boy to be as pumped as he is on that cover.

        In fact, come to think of it, I quite like Todd’s personality in DL, too. He seems to have more spine than in the later books.

  5. Bridget Locke says:

    What cracks me up about that picture is the fact that Todd’s always been touted as tall. Liz is what 5’6″? If that pic is “true”, then he’s only 5’10” at the most. In actuality, tall equals short. Nice! *snorts*

    This is what I get for being 6’1″ and only going for guys who are taller than me. heh

  6. Natalia says:

    Hahahahaha….love the recap. Although you left out my FAVOURITE part of the book, which I just have to post here. [Taken from pg 144 during the tug-o-war, for those of you playing at home]
    “Jessica’s face was red from the intense effort and a trickle of sweat ran down her face. That was when Todd stood up and screamed, “GO, SWEET VALLEY HIGH!” Elizabeth felt her heart soar. Todd’s cry seemed to fill the SVH team with that extra bit of energy they needed. And, pulling together with all their might, they yanked the Lovett team over the mark.”

  7. Neek1981 says:

    Natalia, that has to be one of the lamest scenes ever!!! Ihatewheat, you should do a countdown of the lamest scenes, dumbest plots, and worst books, etc.

    Also, has anyone ever gone to the site Sweet Valley Unlimited? There’s a page where you can view a brief bio of some of the SV ghostwriters. It also lists some of the SV books that each ghostie wrote. Check out this links to find out whose responsible for “classic” works of literature, such as Return of the Evil Twin and Earthquake!:


    There’s also a section called “Making of the Books.” It says that editors and writers pitched in to create books that would meet Francine’s high standards!

  8. Regina Morrow says:

    Does Todd have blue eyes on the cover? isnt he supposed to have brown (or sorry “coffee colored”) eyes?

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