Mr. Collins wasn’t available for consultation.

Hey folks, I’ve been writing this blog for over two years and it’s been a blast. But lately it’s been tiring. I never want this to become something that seems more like a chore or a nuisance. I want to have this blog be able to be an outlet for my creativity, fill a niche of some kind, and continue to support the awesome interactions and conversations that some of the posts have created. I also love nostalgia, cultural artifacts, and most importantly, hate on stuff that is heinously written.

The last thing I want to do is to go on hiatus. I’ve seen other blogs do this promising to return, but they never do. I’m trying to think of ways to keep from doing that. Here are some ideas:

-Start accepting guest posts. Really, in the past I’ve been selfish and wanted this blog to represent my thoughts and my experiences. However, my blog pet peeve is blogs that are not often updated, and other content could prevent that. There are also a ton of old YA books and series about there that I will not get time to read. If you are interested, and I mean seriously interested in contributing something, email me [thedairiburger[at]]. I don’t need and actually don’t want an exact recap of every word and every chapter of a book. As long as it’s mean-spirited. Ha!

-Recapping a new form of media.

  • I am a huge fan of the ORIGINAL Degrassi Junior High series, and between the Canadian accents, high drama, and fugly outfits, I could have a field day. Zit Remedy, anyone? Stephanie Kaye for president?
  • I am also considering recapping episodes of Jem and the Holograms, because I actually spent a significant sum of money obtaining the complete series on dvd. I know I had started my Little series blog, but that turned out to be harder than I thought. Maybe because the show is too long. [Shrugs]. I think I will throw some time into that too.
  • Perhaps recapping some craptastic and fairly obscure teen movies of the 80s and 90s. I just watched Satisfaction on my Netflix instant play.

Because I love this survey widget, here ya go.

[Yea, that had no relevance. I just watched all of Season 1 this weekend and I am having a hard time deciding. I think I’m hot for Sam Merlotte.]

55 thoughts on “Mr. Collins wasn’t available for consultation.

  1. Winnie Egbert says:

    I LOVED Jem back in the day. Heck, I thought her earring was super sweet and wanted one myself. Who doesn’t need some synergy to transform into a rock star?

  2. Anonymous says:

    Hi there… I am a fairly new reader to your blog, only a couple of months or so… but I absolutely love it and I would be happy to read pretty much anything you write because you write so well, (and so snarkily!). Of course my preference is to read about SVH, but beggars can’t be choosers, so I will take what I can get! LOL

    Anyway… just wanted to say that… which is pretty much nothing… *sigh* I think I will leave the writing to the experts…

  3. Abby says:

    You know, I loved Jem back in the 80s. One year, my mom made me a tape of like 8 Jem episodes that I would pull out and watch every so often. What made it extra fun were all the 80s toy commercials and previews for Knightrider and Charles in Charge.

    Feeling nostalgic, I netflixed some Jem episodes on DVD and it just wasn’t the same…I think what made my tape so awesome were all the commercials from the 80s. Maxie dolls, skittles, Transformers, the Thundercats, my little pony…to this day I can still sing all those little ditties. My friend actually bought me Looking Smart Maxie that he found on ebay last Christmas and it was awesome.

  4. Anne says:

    Ever since I read the word Jem, I’ve had the theme song in my head. I’ve read 3 other posts since then too… it’s going to be in my head all day.

    I think you should recap whatever your little heart desires. I will still check out the Blog on a regular basis πŸ™‚

  5. girltalkread says:

    DEGRASSI PLEASE! I do love Jem too and 80’s and 90’s flicks but I want a Degrassi blog soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad!

  6. maybeimamazed02 says:

    I had two Jem dolls–one of her in her pink lame heydey, and another when they gave her face a makeover. I think she had a purple dress, or at least purple stockings with silver spangles.

    I can SO remember wanting to see Satisfaction, but it was rated R and my parents were really strict about movies. I’d love to read a recap!

    Overall, do whatever your snarky heart desires. Your writing rocks.

    Oh, and Sam Merlotte is my LOVE. Bill WHO?

  7. 1979semifinalist says:


    I think it’s a great idea for you to get some guest bloggers on here so you don’t have to carry the burden all on your own. I also definitely vote for Jem if you’re expanding content. I almost suggested trying to be a guest blogger and contributing myself with Christopher Pike books – but as you may remember from my experiment last year or so – they weren’t bad enough to be snarky with…what a shame.

    As for True Blood…I’m a Bill fan (kind of against all odds since he really annoyed me initially) HOWEVER Eric has cut his hair this season and I gotta say…can’t stop thinking about the dude. Super hot.

  8. Shay says:

    Man, if I had my SVH collection here I would totally volunteer to do recaps. I’m going to be on maternity leave for a year starting in September, and that would be a fantastic time waster. Unfortunately, all my books are in a trunk at my parents’ house across the country, and with this baby on the way I can’t be buying a bunch of new(old) SVHs.
    Plus my hubby would probably kill me. Not literally, of course. But he already thinks I’m a weirdo for the immense amount of pleasure I get out of these SV snarks.
    Ugh, boys. They just don’t get it.

  9. ana says:

    i support the idea of branching out into other media – you already did a good job with the bachelor series, and there is just such a plethora of material to tap into, although i do hope to see a good SVH bashing every so often. degrassi is a great idea, i lovedlovedloved that show. i can’t watch the new series, finding the only redeemable aspect is that all of the adults were from the original show. i also started watching jem+the hologram episodes on youtube a while back, those would be totally hilarious in recap form. there is an excellent fashion show in milan two episode arch that would be enough for several posts, i think.

    i also support guest posts. i was kind of disappointed when you gave up on twilight. i would volunteer to post on that, except it would mean i’d have to read them again . so long as the guest posters have your seal of approval, i would gladly read that.

  10. yasoup says:

    JEM! Outrageous! The same plot every episode (basically…some huge fiasco, Misfits screw it up, the Holograms don’t call the police, Jem/Jerrica/Rio love triangle, everything is happy in the end) but somehow a guilty, cheesy fun pleasure.

  11. Jen S. says:

    Definitely accept Guest Bloggers if you are wearing out your brain with too much YA. I could try my hand at a couple of YA books I kept from my traumatic adolescence–might be fun! As for Jem, I don’t have much of an opinion since I lived in a weird blorp of the Time/Space continuom where it wasn’t shown. I like the idea of recapping the ads along with the show, though, if people still have their ’80s tapes!

  12. Rio says:

    I would like to formally submit my cover letter and rΓ©sumΓ© as application for the position of Guest Recapper. I come with excellent references.

    I would be content with more SVH/Caitlin/Taffy Sinclair stuff. Jem was before my time, although I do laugh at her Robot Chicken treatment:

    “Next on Unsolved Case Files: Jem! Was she truly outrageous?” (cut to a blonde wearing a pink jacket and standing at a urinal) “Truly, truly, TRULY outrageous?”

  13. Robyn J. says:

    Yes! Degrassi Junior High. Fantastic! I don’t know who can pull of your awesome attitude- that is what makes your blog so much fun to read. Guest bloggers are OK by me – as long as they are as hysterical as you.

  14. kimkelly says:

    Please do Degrassi! I’m a huge fan and would love to read your take on it. I’m too old for Jem though.

  15. Bart_Templeton says:

    Degrassi. Do the one where the kid is having wet dreams and doesn’t know what they mean. Then he tries to go into a pharmacy and gets embarassed when he passes the contraception section.

    I don’t know about Jem. I was a big Jem-watcher (and doll-coveter) during its heyday, of course, but I don’t think cartoons offer as much snark fodder because they don’t take themselves seriously enough. The beauty of the 80s girl-targeted series is that they were produced and targeted with an entirely straight face…leaving us plenty to tear down.

    I know a few VERY snarkworthy mini-series (80s YA, but of course) that I’ll be happy to recap. It might help if you post ground rules (approximate word length, etc).

    Personally, I wish it were all you because I think you’ve made the DB a great “brand” and YOU are the brand. But, you gotta do what feel you gotta.

  16. Vanessa Saxton says:

    I think you should allow guest bloggers but pass it off as yourself ala Francine. Having ghosties write for you would be totally appropriate for this blog.

  17. Lauri says:

    Would you accept a recap similar to ones on 1bruce1? I got most of the Sunset Island series in the past month and was mentally composing a recap while reading one the other day.
    All ideas for other recaps were great as well. Or the She-ra Secret of the Sword movie. As an adult, I realized Glimmer sounds like she’s in heat every time she talks to Adam or He-man.

  18. Mrs Dallas says:

    Ooo ooo! Can I write something please please! I would love to snark on SVH and Twilight and possibly write some horrofic fanfic where Bruce and Liz actually are having a secret love affair and Jess is totally hot for Enid Rollins or some shit. WOOT! I want to write fake dialogues!

    IMAGINE: Liz and Jess are doing an internship at Forks. Jess meets Edward and tries to steal him from Bella. Liz overhears the truth about the Cullens and organises a ‘Meet the Cullens Fair Day!’ But this is complicated because she also has a sneaky thing for Jacob Black who is so not down with a Meet the Cullens day. Meanwhile Esme and Alice Wakefield become penfriends and Rosalie and Lila have a competition who is the prettiest and best dressed. Alice forsees James flirting with Jessica and biting her. Mr Collins ends up teaching at Forks High. Liz MAY die.

  19. penny ayala says:

    I agree that Ihatewheat has the midas touch when it comes to snark… but there are plenty of other funny commentators on this blog that have me in stitches, e.g. Amy Slutton and Jessa Fields, so I don’t see why not. I’m personally not that keen on recapping TV series, but I’d love to hear what you’ve got to say about other book titles, e.g SV twins, uni, the BSC and the gymnasts.

  20. sunstreakedblonde says:

    I’m sad to hear that you’re not feeling this blog as much anymore. I’d be happy to contribute, and you know I love ripping a new one recapping cheesy old nostalgic stuff (and some new stuff, too… just as long as it’s totally snarkable and YA-oriented). Although my usual recapping style tends to be more lengthy and detailed than yours, I’ve been wanting to try some different styles (like the play format you’ve done for a couple of the Caitlin books–love it!) and this would be a good opportunity to do so.

    By the way, thanks so much for linking me!

  21. nikki says:

    80’s & 90’s movies all the way! I love your blog and have been a regular reader for about a year now, I’d hate to lose this one! If you want a guest blogger, I’m all for it πŸ™‚

    Also, BILL COMPTON all the way. I love Eric in the books. But on the TV show, he just isn’t the way I pictured him. I haven’t seen the second season yet though. (I also just finished the first season this weekend). But Oh my god, Bill Compton gets me all hot and bothered.

    • Beth says:

      I LOVE Eric from the books, and I agree that he isn’t exactly what I pictured either, but for some reason I find myself watching him on the show and thinking some very unpure thoughts……..hmmmmmmm….Um, anyways, I would love to see some snarking of 80’s and 90’s movies!!! OMG- “Valley Girl”, “Weird Science”, “Fast Times…”, “Shag” (as a Carolina girl, that movie is a CLASSIC for me!) Great stuff!! And the teen horror movies from the ’80’s are even better!! “Waxworks”, “Witchboard”…I could go on and on!! Good times!! I guess any quality snarkiness would be great to me!! ihatewheat– I have immensly enjoyed your blog theses last 2 years and I agree that it shouldn’t be a chore but it should be kept up!! I will e-mail you if I get any good ideas!

    • maybeimamazed02 says:

      Lafayette is HAWT. I normally don’t crush on gay dudes–just the fact that they don’t like what I have is an automatic turnoff–but there’s just something about him that’s wildly sensual. In the pilot he talks about being able to show a straight woman a good time–and I totally believed him.

  22. JasDramaqueen says:

    Hey,I’ve been a faithful reader for about a year but this is the first time I’ve felt compelled to comment. Don’t stop writing! Get the guest bloggers in! I cannot find any other UK SVH/BSC obsessives like myself and this blog helps me to recapture my lost youth.

    Big up to whoever said the Christoper Pike novels. I’d also vote for any books by Caroline B Cooney/Janet Quin Harkin (the awful Boyfriend Club,Heartbreak Cafe, Freshman Dorm series.) Love em all! (Guiltily!) But BSC all the way.

  23. Lauri says:

    Actually I bought a bunch of Janet Quin Harkin’s Sugar & Spice at the same time. I don’t remember them being as annoying as they seem now.

  24. Robyn J. says:

    I wanted to add to my request for Degrassi Jr High- the amazingly awful “Cheerleader” series as well as Christopher Pike (my hero), and also, did anyone read the Sweet Dreams Romance Series? Wow. More of the early classic SVH would be incredible, but I would want ihatewheat to write those!

  25. bookslide says:

    Heh, I watched True Blood in a few days’ time too. So addicted that when I got home from my trip, I asked my bff to switch to HBO from now till when Dexter starts so I can catch up.

    I could do a guestie or two for you, probably next month. I have two of the four Who Killed Peggy Sue? books on my to-recap shelf, but they don’t really fit in with what I’ve been doing with The Vampire Diaries and Night World, and they don’t fit in with what I plan to do after I’m done with L.J. Smith. Drop me an email if you’re interested.


  26. Bart_Templeton says:

    Robyn, SUGAR AND SPICE is *exactly* one of the lesser-known mini-series I was thinking of.

    The one I want to do is the one where Chrissy pretends to be knowledgeable about opera, sushi, and other things that, in the 80s, signified “sophisticates.” I have that particular one memorized; for some reason, her deception really spoke to me. It’s also snark-ready made.

    • Lauri says:

      I remember that Bart_Templeton, though I really loved the one where they housesat a loft in New York. Though my first semester of college, I had a roommate much like Carolyn did. I guess I should be grateful it wasn’t like Liz Wakefield’s. A mean girl is better than a homocidal girl.

  27. Jemgirl83 says:

    I guess its not hard to know where I stand on this with my screen name. I have been a long time fan of this site. Please please please IHW do a recap of Jem and the Holgrams!!! That was the best show ever!! The clothes, the music, the Misfits. LOL.

  28. Nicole says:

    You have the complete Jem series on DVD?

    How did you do that?

    I have seasons 1-3 which were released on DVD several years ago, but they never released the last season — the one with the awesomely smarmy Stingers…

    How’d you get it?

  29. RollingStone says:

    I would gladly contribute a snarky review, but please finish the Caitlin books. You only have 3 to go! Jessica’s cheering you on!

  30. Gina says:

    Man oh man — can I call an unsolicited dibs on Satisfaction, clearly Liam Neeson’s greatest work? Can I wax nostalgic about the days Jane and I taunted the neighborhood dogs to rile them into a passion, then sang “Amazing Grace”, hoping to miraculously calm them like Billie, horrifically underused in the band but apparently too stoned to care?

    And, while we’re at it, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, cause who doesn’t love dance practice montages?

    And while we’re at it, Just One of the Guys!

    And The All Nighter!


  31. Bridget Locke says:

    Oh, IHW, don’t go away. If you do, I’d be very, very sad.

    I vote for Degrassi (both…which I love…go figure). I also suggest LJ Smith and her insanity. Secret Circle, The Vampire Diaries, et. al.

    Oh and anything to do w/ bizarre cartoons from the 80’s. I loved Jem and Voltron. And Transformers. πŸ™‚

  32. Kathy says:

    I love the idea of guest writers. And I like the idea of branching out. HOWEVER…..Sweet Valley High is nearest and dearest to my heart. I think SVH should remain the focus of this blog. With just a TINY bit of Degrassi, Jem, 80’s teen movies, whatever thrown in.

    And I like what you said about keeping the recaps short. I like 1Bruce1. I really do. But some of those “recaps” have a tendency to go on, and on, and on. Some of them seem longer then the actual books!

  33. Amy says:

    Oh man, Degrassi recaps would be amazing. All the way with Stephanie K!

    And regarding the mens~ of True Blood, how could you choose? SO many* delicious options….

    *excluding Andy Belfleur!

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