[cover photo from The Closet]
Caprica Six as Jessica
Natalie as Elizabeth
Lee “Apollo” Adama as Todd
Gauis Baltar as Kris Lynch
Samuel Anders as Mr. Collins
Hi Todd, I missed you at lunch! We were supposed to feed each other french fries!
God woman, you’re suffocating me! We should see other people! Namely, I should start dating Peggy, who just wants to make out and doesn’t want to tie my balls up with a gold lavaliere and lead me around.
Well, two can play at that game!
Ah, Liz, I know I’ve never been mentioned before this, but I’m Kris Lynch and I work at the Oracle and have been masturbating to your Eyes and Ears column all year.
Ok, let’s go out and go to the dance together! That’ll show Todd!
Ah Liz, I am so glad you decided to go out with me. I’ve been dreaming of this moment forever.
Did you just inhale oxygen? Todd does that when he breathes! Speaking of there he is! Omg! He’s dancing with Peggy! I can’t take it!
Then let’s get out of here and go to Miller’s Point!
Um, I’d rather not. In fact, I don’t like you?
WHAT? You little tease! I know you like me! I’m going to force you to make out with me!
Let me go! Although I think this is my fault for leading you on, you’re a creep! You don’t even go to football games! What kind of freak are you?
FINE! You’ll be sorry.
Hey everyone, your midterm is postponed because there is some gossip about the Wakefields. Apparently, Kris Lynch and Elizabeth Wakefield are going out and apparently she goes to second base. Whatever, that’s old news to me.
Omg! I can’t believe everyone is talking about me! And Kris keeps telling my friends about the secrets I swore not to tell anyone! Oh, on an unrelated note, I can’t find my diary! But anyway, I WONDER HOW HE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT ME!
I’ll get to the bottom of this. I’ll bet Kris Lynch stole Liz’s diary. I know this because the title of this book gave away the plot twist.
Jessica, Enid, Todd I am sorry that I blackmailed Liz and tarnished her reputation after I tried to force her with violence to have sex with and she refused. It was just a goof! Will you forgive me?
Well, okay, I guess it happens to the best of us. Let’s just laugh it off over a double-cheese bacon and ham pizza!
Kris: Okay, but what are you gonna order?
All: HAR HAR HAR HAR! [All link arms and skip to the pizza place.]