Reader of the Month…and perhaps the only entry of the month

Seriously, do they get one entry a month for these things?  I think this may actually be the way they hire ghost writers. This one comes from Alexandra, who has some awesome crispy bangs.

My name is Alexandra. I am fourteen years old, and I am in seventh grade [ummmm, left back much?] I go to St. Andrews, and next year I will go to Connelly School of the Holy Child. I live in Bethesda, Maryland, which is outside Washington, DC [way to give pedophiles a map to your house, Alex].

The reason I like Sweet Valley High books is because they seek a new world, and they see things in a new way. Also, each character defines his or her own life. They also make me think about what it would be like if the things that happen in the books would happen to me when I am sixteen. For example, perhaps my best friend would be in a plane crash and I would help her get better. [Yea, I always wonder what it would be like if Bruce touched my boobs.] I really like to read about Elizabeth and Jessica because the author paints a picture with words about their life, school, and roots. The author also creates a world that is different from my life.

All the English teachers out there are probably gouging their eyes out. Maybe Liz could volunteer to tutor Alexandra after school. Just out of the goodness of her heart.

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24 thoughts on “Reader of the Month…and perhaps the only entry of the month

  1. Jennifer says:

    In the defense of her being 14 and in the 7th grade, I will say that to me, I was 12 in 7th grade. However, I substitute in the local schools, and it’s nothing to hear about 6th graders being 13, 7th graders being 14, and I even knew of one 8th grader who was about 10 be 16. So while it’s a little strange to us, it’s what is really happening these days (however, I’ve never read that book/series or anything, so I have no idea when it was written.)

  2. Anne says:

    My fav line: “perhaps my best friend would be in a plane crash and I would help her get better”… because that’s likely to happen. Who am I to judge, though?… maybe she’s an airport rescue worker now, with her profession being chosen from reading SVH…

    Robin, did you get the email I sent to the gmail account with the reader of the month poem?

  3. Rio says:

    “I am fourteen years old, and I am in seventh grade” – The flag is red.

    “they seek a new world” – . . . while wondering how anyone can survive residing away from Sweet Valley.

    “they see things in a new way” – As in, maybe being a visible minority isn’t that bad after all?

    “each character defines his or her own life” – . . . through their relationships with the opposite sex (except in the notable case of Tom McGay, then it’s the same sex).

    “For example, perhaps my best friend would be in a plane crash and I would help her get better.” – Did your best friend know that you used to fantasize about this stuff?

    “paints a picture with words” – Tip for aspiring writers: Stupid metaphors about writing will destroy your credibility forever.

    “I really like to read about Elizabeth and Jessica because the author paints a picture with words about their life, school, and roots.” – This entire sentence is an English teacher’s nightmare. Luckily, she’s 14, so Mr. Collins will be very willing to “educate” her.

    “The author also creates a world that is different from my life.” – Actually, that’s probably a good thing.

    The sad thing is, this was the BEST letter they got that month.

  4. Elizabeth says:

    “They seek a new world”?

    You can totally tell she’s secretly hoping for her friend to die.

    Also, Bruce undoing Jessica’s bikini top in the water is totally an image that has stayed with me over the probably almost 15 years since I read it! I would guess that a Reader of the Month commenting on that, though, might be the one and only one that wouldn’t meet their standards.

  5. BartTempleton says:

    “Luckily, she’s 14, so Mr. Collins will be very willing to “educate” her.”

    No matter how I read that line, Rio–luckily for Mr. Collins she’s a nubile 14?–it amuses.

    I must agree that this is one of the most coherent letters of the month in a good long while.

  6. sunstreakedblonde says:

    I love how Bruce’s boob-touching stayed with everyone so long after they forgot most other aspects of SVHland.

    This girl’s letter reads like she’s “special,” which is why I have a hard time mocking her too much. :/

  7. BartTempleton says:

    “They seek a new world.”

    Awesomeness. You mean like Captain John Smith and Ponce de Leon? My imagination runs wild!

    Lila would be Queen Isabella.

    John Smith, international womanizer, would be played by Bruce Patman.

    The role of Pocahontas–aka exploited minority maiden–would be alternated between Jade Wu, Cheryl Thomas, and Patty, because all minorities in SV are interchangeable.

    Montezuma would be played by Rosa or Manuel…because they’re the only Mexicans in Sweet Valley.

    Betsy Martin would be amongst the handful of British tavern wenches/ladies of ill repute brought along to entertain the unwashed colonists. Steven Wakefield would be their most frequent patron.

    The gold lavaliers represent the treasures sought by Cortes.

    Ned Wakefield is Governor Radcliffe, subduer of Natives and thief of their lands.

    Roger Collins is the first chaplain of Harvard, and a royal perv.

    The Fountain of Youth will be played by Seca Lake.

    * * *

    Hmmm…I feel like I’m missing someone important, though.

    :: strokes chin ::

  8. Rhiannon says:

    A new world. . . WTF? Thanks Alexandra now I’ve got Aladdin and Jasmine crooning a duet in my head.

    English teachers my ass IHW, *I*, the lowly history major, am gouging my eyes out!

  9. Cara Walker says:

    LMAO – which book was this in? I don’t remember reading this one before…

    I am so disturbed by this essay – especially the part about her friend being in a plane crash (morbid much? Maybe next she’ll hope that some psychopathic clone will track her down in order to take over her life…). This has confirmed my thought that the reader of the month was drawn at random, because this is obviously NOT a well put together essay! It is hard enough trying to wrap my head around what she has written! “Seeking a whole new world”… WTF?? Actually, maybe she has a bit of a point there – after all, Sweet Valley is kind of a world of it’s own.. lol

  10. Magpie says:

    “I really like to read about Elizabeth and Jessica because the author paints a picture with words about their life, school, and roots”

    …wait a second, “roots”?? Good to see that Sweet Valley values have been instilled in this reader, as it’s all about who your parents are!

    “Seek a new world” makes me laugh. It sounds like the kind of phrase kids used in creative writing lessons to try and sound poetic.

    But I shouldn’t be too harsh… because once again I am just relieved that I am not Alexandra!

  11. Vanessa Saxton says:

    I love how she said their “roots.” That made me think of some of Jimmy’s cover art of the twins with what looked like bad dye jobs. The earlier books were fine, but after the Margo fiasco the twins “sunstreak blonde hair” looked more like a bad dye job.

  12. Anonymous says:

    That “they seek a new world” thing makes me think that she’s confused Sweet Valley High with Seaquest DSV, a show in which they also “see things in a new way” as a result of being under the sea.

  13. lizo27 says:

    I had crispy bangs when I was fourteen. Until they caught on fire when I leaned too close to a candle, that is. Too bad my best friend wasn’t there to save me from the flames.

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