The super evil plan to destroy Caitlin Ryan

“Oh Julian, I feel the same way,” Caitlin replied, full of love. “I wish I could take this moment and wrap it up and keep it forever.”

Just to recap: Caitlin started college and met Julian, who secretly hatched a plan with Caitlin’s roommate Louise to break up Jed and Caitlin to make Caitlin miserable. Louise’s motive was because Caitlin was more popular than her, and Julian ‘s motive was to get revenge on Caitlin because when they were kids, Caitlin was in his poor mining town to give out presents and she cried when he tried to touch her velvet coat. And he’s been jerking off to this memory for like 15 years.Caitlin was jealous of Jed maybe dating someone in Montana, and Julian swooped in and wooed Caitlin.

Caitlin is back at college and in a sorority, because of course in Francine’s world, if you are not in a sorority you might as well kill yourself. She is organizing a bit for the school’s talent show, because of course she has experience organizing male beauty pageant fundraisers. She makes fraternity brothers dress up in tutus and dance to Swan Lake. Which embodies my #1 pet peeve:  Males dressing in drag, acting femme or gay for comedy. Ugh.

Ok, so perhaps I feel a little bad for Caitlin because the people she thinks are her friends secretly hate her. She may even be having a worse freshman year than I did, which included Friday nights alone  binge eating and watching William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet on a loop.  Also? Julian’s revenge plan on Caitlin is the most complicated thing ever. His plan includes:

  1. Make Caitlin break up with Jed
  2. Make Caitlin fall in love with him
  3. Give up a job in Boston for the summer for a medical internship at Harvard
  4. Convince Caitlin to apply for the job he gave up and make sure she gets it
  5. Convince her to move to Boston
  6. Convince her to live with him in Boston
  7. Convince Caitlin to sleep with him
  8. Dump her ass!

Because we all know that once a woman sleeps with a man she is a dirty lady whore. Caitlin will be ruined forever! Bwahahaha! Also, there are a lot of what-ifs in this plan. Really Julian? Really? Why doesn’t he just sleep with her at college? The guy is a senior and has his own apartment. You mean to tell me they do nothing but snuggle? Come on, this a private liberal arts school in the 1980s. I’m surprised they are not doing lines off each other’s asses. In fact, all of Caitlin and Julian’s dates are ridiculous. They have picnics in the park with brie cheese and feed each other strawberries. He also makes her clam linguine for dinner and plays Grieg on the cd player. What college senior does that?

Oh yea, Caitlin goes home for a bit in the summer before shacking up with Julian in Boston to confront Nicole and Colin, who are two con artists trying to exploit Caitlin’s grandmother and her father and steal their money. This has been built up for like six books, but here Caitlin confronts them and they skip town. Yea, a privileged eighteen year old is not match for two experienced con artists.

I don’t have to tell you that Jed catches on to Julian’s plan and confronts them both. Which I assume is what is depicted on the cover. Caitlin stands by passively while Jed and his jean tuxedo faces off with Bruce Patman wannabe Jed. She of course can’t assert herself in this situation; why, she’s only a woman of course! By this time Julian has actually fallen in love with Caitlin despite his plans but of course, because Caitlin is so beautiful and rich and luminous. Caitlin goes back to Jed and they vow to never be separated again. Except until the next trilogy.

There was not a whole lot of horse riding in this one. Bummer.

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21 thoughts on “The super evil plan to destroy Caitlin Ryan

  1. jms says:

    “Julian ’s motive was to hash revenge on Caitlin because when they were kids, Caitlin was in his poor mining town to give out presents and she cried when he tried to touch her velevet coat. And he’s been jerking off to this memory for like 15 years.”

    I’m sure I’ve commented about this before on a previous Caitlin entry, so forgive me… but this is the SINGLE. DUMBEST. motivation and plotline EVER in a YA book… and that’s saying a lot.

  2. Rio says:

    “They have picnics in the park with brie cheese and feed each other strawberries. . . . What college senior does that?”

    This is what college students might do AFTER they’ve had sex.

  3. Anonymous says:

    How many Caitlin books are there out there? i didn’t realize there was a whole series, i thought that there was only the first 3. Meh…

  4. Jan says:

    I have to say it- Caitlin Ryan is also a character on Degrassi- the one who dates Joey on and off and is also on Next Generation!

  5. Jen S. says:

    Love how Caitlin couldn’t care less which guy wins the little Man Stand Off on the cover–whatever, at least either way she’ll have a boyfriend! She’s just mentally rehearsing how she’ll tell the whole story to her pony.

  6. Jennifer says:

    I agree with jms on the jerkoff revenge method.

    Even funnier is that this guy gets BROUGHT BACK in the next trilogy. As Caitlin’s best friend’s boyfriend/the guy who can save Jed’s legs from paralysis. Oh boy.

  7. evier says:

    What is the deal with clam linguine? Was that the 80s version of risotto? My idea of great food in the 80s was a Chicken McNuggets Happy Meal, so I have no comparison here. I’m just curious because they also name drop clam linguine in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.”

  8. Katrina says:

    That seems like a painfully convoluted plan just to get back at someone. But at least they’d get some ass in the process.

    Jan, I was wondering if it was the same name as that chick on Degrassi, I thought I was just getting names mixed up.

  9. Vanessa Saxton says:

    “Caitlin is back at college and in a sorority, because of course in Francine’s world, if you are not in a sorority you might as well kill yourself.”

    Seriously. The first thing I did at college orientation was sign up for sorority rush. I was so brainwashed by Francine and the gang. I felt like that was the reason you went to college.

    I ended up joining a sorority, but it was NOTHING like the experiences in Francy’s books. I kept waiting to blackball someone or move into the house the first week or serenades by candlelight, yet to my disappointment, NONE of that ever happens. Francine sure has a way of setting you up for disappointment.

  10. Malika says:

    More Caitlin… Yeah! It’s understandable that you only take Caitlin in small doses, though. It’s all rather nauseating. The hate for all females that aren’t stick thin, rich and virginal can would wear anyone down.
    And now front cover comments…
    She actually doesn’t look all that bad!She looks rather good, though 30 years younger than the two manlys in the background. In fact, dare i say it, like non-deathly pale Bella in the film version of Twilight!
    Caveat: I’d rather swill bleach as mouthwash than ever tuck a baggy pink polo into waist-crippling jeans, but then that’s just me being hokey…

  11. bookslide says:

    This, to me, was the second worst plan of YA lit. I mean, yeah, it’s cheesy and overcomplicated and, frankly, NOT EVIL ENOUGH, but Caitlin’s a sheltered, somewhat spoiled, and highly insecure girl. She’s going to put a lot of importance on her v-card, etc, and a lot of emotion into her relationsh–OMG WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING? Am I DEFENDING Caitlin Ryan? Gawd.

    BUT! The worst plan ever was Elena Gilbert’s in The Awakening. Her plan to snag Stefan was entirely this: Ask him to dance at the dance. Because she was the Homecoming Queen, and NO ONE WOULD DENY THE HOMECOMING QUEEN. That would be, like, WRONG.

  12. eejm says:

    It looks like to me like Julian and Jed have that look of passion in their eyes, and it ain’t for Caitlin. She’s probably pissed now that she’s found out she the beard for not one but TWO guys.

  13. Lila Fouler says:

    Julian (is he the one in the denim tux?)looks like Carl from ‘Ghost’ – Tony Goldwyn. And about 35.

    I only read a couple of Caitlin books I think… I get them mixed up with Virginia Andrews’ ‘Ruby’ series… *shudder*.

    Great reviews as ever, ihatewheat ftw!

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