Twilight, an overanalyzed study guide p. 5

Excepts from Edward Cullen’s Twitter feed through Chapters 13 and 14

sparkleevamp67: (9:08) brb going to take Bella to the middle of nowhere

sparkleevamp67: (12:08) activate sparkle…. she totally digs it

sparkleevamp67: (1:09) god! I just want to rip out her internal organs. she needs to keep me from wanting to kill her. she’s such a tease.

sparkleevamp67: (1:47) told her she is asking for it, wearing that short skirt that shows off those…veins and arteries

sparkleevamp67: (2:30) omg! she just asked me if we can have teh sex! Tee hee

sparkleevamp67: (2:51) duh, doesn’t she know jasper and alice can only do it because their married? for a hundred years? if we do it she will die. just like stds.

sparkleevamp67: (4:05)ok time to go home

sparkleevamp67:(4:14) I just took her for a ride on my back, tauntaun  style. chix dig that.

sparkleevamp67: (4:47)we kissed and she was horrible.  i’ll have to make up an excuse as to why we can’t do that again

sparkleevamp67: (7:15) took me back to her house where I can maybe get to 2nd base

sparkleevamp67: (8:37)damn! charlie came home. i’ll have to settle for just watching her sleep again.

sparkleevamp67: (9:12) woops! I accidentally told her I do that every night. but she digs it. this chick is crazy

sparkleevamp67: (9:14) ok she just put on her jammies. Lost my boner a little bit.

sparkleevamp67: (10:15) this chick is great. all she wants to do is talk about me

20 thoughts on “Twilight, an overanalyzed study guide p. 5

  1. Kaitlin/Bridget Locke says:

    *snicker* Egads, this book (series) is going to drive me up the wall in about 5 seconds. What’s even worse is going on Facebook and seeing how many people OBSESS about this stupid movie. Argh!

    Great Twitter feed though. Cracks my butt up. 😀

  2. Namrata says:

    HAHAHAHAHA…”lost my boner a little bit”…oh,edward, you’d have to have at least a modicum of testosterone in the first place!

    Watched the movie and got massively glared at by the ridiculous fangirlies for snorting at the excruciating dialogue…good fun!!

  3. Jen S says:

    *this chick is great. all she wants to do is talk about me*


    Why does this remind me of every boy I went to high school with? And they weren’t all that–didn’t even sparkle or give tauntaun rides!

  4. trappedintheattic says:

    “ok she just put on her jammies. Lost my boner a little bit.” HA! Really, Bella, the guy’s spending the night for the first time (that you know of, the creep), put on some pants without holes in them.

  5. Enid Rollins says:

    I got my neice a deluxe paperback of “A Wrinkle in Time”…my big brother got her the Twilight series.

    Hmmm…will Meg Murry beat Bella Swann’s a$$?

  6. Anonymous says:

    Enid Rollins,

    That’s a an awesome gift. Meg Murray is one of the best girl icons in fiction. (Though I get mad that she didn’t know the capital of New York).

  7. Enid Rollins says:

    Hey, I just misspelled “niece”…and I’m horrible at capitals. I loved the exchange between Calvin and Meg.

    Calvin: “Who wrote Boswell’s Life of Johnson?”
    Meg: “Oh, Calvin, I’m no good at English…”

  8. Tiff says:

    Sadly, I think Meg Murry’s awesomeness will be overshadowed by Edward’s sparkly angel face…It’s too bad, because in a mind fight between Meg and Bella, Meg would totally win. Bella would never be able to understand a tesseract.

  9. glittergirley says:

    activate sparkle! That one had me laughing.

    Did you ever finish the twilight series? I am slowly plowing my way through the fourth book now. Throughout the series I could only read about 100 pages at a time before I practically ripped the book apart it was so irritating. Then I found out that the book goes SO f’ing slow that you can skip five pages at a time and still pretty much have missed NOTHING. Maybe that little tip will help you get through the series too.

    ps i f’ing hate edward. who the hell thinks a cold, hard stoned body would be attractive or sexy? more like morgue-y. SICK.

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