Twilight, An Overanalyzed Study Guide, Pt. 4

This week’s discussion revolves around secondary characters, and their importance to the story. This week’s assignment was to write a portion of the story from another character’s point of view, and I’ll share here the best essay from the class. It is written from Angela’s viewpoint based on the events of Chapters 8-12.

Ugh, I can’t believe Jessica wants to invite Bella along with us to go dress shopping. That girl really gets on my nerves and I have to really hold back from picking on her, so I’m usually quiet when I’m around her just to tolerate her. I can’t deal with her smugness around her and Edward Cullen. Yea, like she’s the first girl ever to be mesmerized by him. The joke’s on her.

It was almost too hilarious. First Bella wanted to go find a bookstore by herself, apparently because she was too above shopping the whole time with us. She started walking in the wrong direction, toward the docks and Jessica almost stopped her but I hissed at her to shut up. I thought it would be entertaining. And then Edward made his move. YAWN. He’s pulled this one several times, including me three years ago when I moved here from Olympia. The old “damsel in distress” routine where he swoops in like the hero. I had to chuckle. How could anyone fall for that? Then again, Bella was so self-absorbed she wouldn’t even question it that much. Edward will pull the whole “I can read minds thing”.

I can totally imagine it, they go to dinner and he intently asks her questions while she feels special. Ick, I can’t believe I fell for that before! Later on, he will begin to pick her up for school and he will pretend she’s the only thing in the world that matters. I kind of do feel a little bad for Bella, because he is kind of good at it.  I mean, he’s has hundreds of years of practice hitting on teenage girls. What an old perv. Oh yea, the whole vampire schmampire thing. You’d think it would be exciting, but he can’t even turn into a bat or anything, so the excitement wears off in a week. And he uses the whole “I don’t want to hurt you” when I suggested we go a little further than just staring at each other. What a wuss, he was just totally scared.

On Friday she was all pissed because he and his family went “camping” which they try to be all mysterious about, but Edward tries to make it seem like they do this whole dangerous hunting thing. Meanwhile they all just shoot a squirrel and share it, while he and his family sit around and talk about how superior they are.

Jessica tells me that Edward is taking Bella to Seattle on Saturday. I’ll bet that’s when he’ll pull the whole “see me sparkle” trick and Bella will totally fall for it. Idiots.

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15 thoughts on “Twilight, An Overanalyzed Study Guide, Pt. 4

  1. Malika.. says:

    Johanna: It’s as if Layla ( Is that the name of Mia’s arch-nemesis?) had written an entry instead of Mia! And you’re not the only obssesed PD fan..
    Has anyone gone to the film and snarked at it yet? We will have to wait for a few weeks because it has not been brought out in Holland yet.

  2. Namrata says:

    Malika: Mia’s arch-nemesis is Lana Weinberger (and sometimes her best friend Lily)…god, I should probabvly stop being obsesses with PD at my age…
    LOVED this…Angela just doesn’t get enough play in the books!

  3. Namrata says:

    Malika: Mia’s arch-nemesis is Lana Weinberger (and sometimes her best friend Lily)…god, I should probably stop being obsessed with PD at my age…
    LOVED this…Angela just doesn’t get enough play in the books!

  4. evier says:

    I saw the movie yesterday. I actually thought it was better than the book. The rapey undertones were toned down a good bit, and there was a more cohesive plot (stuff was added, of course). It wasn’t necessarily a good movie, but I thought it was a better told story than the book. Also, Edward and Bella were almost likable.

  5. Malika says:

    Bella and Edward almost likable : ? ! Wow, didn’t think that would be possible..

    Entries by bitchy yet bored queen bees are always welcome… They scared the life out of me when i was in high school but they are great fun to read from the safety of your post high-school reality!

  6. Malika says:

    Oh, and being obsessed with PD is no bad thing, even in our old (27!) age, no matter what mood i’m in they always manage to cheer me up! Lana in the latter books cracks me up everytime.

  7. Joshua says:

    Hahhaha, I love your “over-analyzed” reviews of Twilight, and yes, I do think that Stephenie Meyer should stop writing and go to hell, and did I mention that she’s an idiot?
    Anyway, I hate to burst your bubble, but you should’ve done it at Jessica’s perspective not Angela’s; cause Angela’s the real friend, and Jessica’s the friend who turned out to be a a mother frakking gossip-queen!:))
    And, yeah, I love your blog!

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