Election Day Special

I don’t really need to remind you all to vote today, because if you are on Facebook, you’ve already received about a thousand annoying applications asking you to do so. Also to remind you that The Dairi Burger does not endorse a particulaur candidate, do what you want and don’t be afraid to vote for third party candidates! Okay, now I’m getting a bit political. Anyhow, the Sweet Valley City Council race is pretty heated this year, and there’s been a record number of candidates! Here are some of the platforms that are causing a stir.

  • Mr. Bacon want to bring back segregation
  • Mr. Collins wantw more funding for afterschool program and to lower the age of consent
  • Mrs. Wakefield wants to give more funding to police to curb kidnapping, psychotic murderers and cults in Sweet Valley
  • Ms. Whitman wants more funding for sex ed in the schools
  • Mr. Patman wants to lower taxes on the rich
  • Ms. McKay wants to legalize same-sex marriage
  • Mr. Martin is running for re-election as the town drunk

And, to top it off, Liz is offering any candidates her services as a speechwriter. And Jessica has offered up the cheerleaders to do a car wash fundraiser to help her father’s campaign! Lila will fund any campaign that will promise her a $150,000 wardrobe allowance.

20 thoughts on “Election Day Special

  1. BartTempleton says:

    Betsy Martin wants to decriminalize prostitution.

    Cheryl’s running on a desegregation of SVH platform.

    Rosa and Miguel are running as the premier–and only–members of Sweet Valley’s LA RAZA chapter.

  2. Vanessa Saxton says:

    Okay, I definitely wrote in Lila Fowler for State Treasurer (because the other candidates sucked). I figured she would be the best choice due to her wealthy background, right?

  3. Rio says:

    In her perpetual role as committee organizer/suck-up artist, Liz is running for goodwill ambassador to *grin* PRESIDENT OBAMA, when he inevitably visits Sweet Valley with the federal Department of Education to “observe” SVH.

  4. ihatewheat says:

    Ha! He would visit Sweet Valley to observe what a perfect school looks like so he can go and model other schools after it. Then Jessica and the squad would make up a special routine just for him. Blech.

  5. Sarah C. says:

    Alice Wakefield will decorate the Obama White House using lots of “ethnic” fabric.

    Ned will be up for a Supreme Court nomination. The robe would drape beautifully over his strong chest.

    Randy Mason is currently in jail for tampering with Sweet Valley’s voting machines at Jessica’s urging.

    Stephen came home to vote and stayed two weeks.

  6. Donna says:

    If Jessica were old enough to vote, she’d be voting for Paris Hilton all the way.

    If Obama did visit SVH, would he only talk with the black students?

    Hmmmm – I wonder what new power couple in SVH would form after the election results came in?

  7. Krysten says:

    “Ned will be up for a Supreme Court nomination. The robe would drape beautifully over his strong chest.”

    Too funny! Why can I see that as a line from one of the books? Or a Miley cyrus diary page?

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