I don’t have this one in front of me right now, but I know I read the shit out of it. Stoneybrook is jumping on the JonBenet Ramsey trend and having a Little Miss Stoneybrook pageant. And the kids get the fever! The girls anyway. Instead of spending their free time getting felt up at the mall and doing meth behind the TGIFriday’s like all the normal thirteen year olds, they decide to coach the kids for the pageant.
This also gives the all opportunities to compete with each other and make themselves feel bad about each other and living out some sort of sick fantasy vicariously through these kids. Dawn the big feminist caves in her principles. I am not sure who coaches who, but I know that Charlotte Johannson is totally scared but Stacey forces her to do it and she recites some story while wearing a shitty costume, right? What the point of forcing her to do it? And Claire or Margo or one of those younger Pike brats peels a banana with her feet while reciting a poem. I’m sure Karen was in it and acted super bratty but everyone thought it was adorable.
One of the kids is good, and there’s some wunderkind named Sabrina that takes it home. And the gals make up at the end and claim they are glad it’s over. Yea, like the kids’ parents forced the BSC to coach their kids in the pageant.
Speaking of the BSC, I was sick the other day so I layed around and watched Mary Poppins, which is a fantastic thing to do when you are sick. But of course as soon as I started watching it what came to mind was “this is Stacey’s favorite movie.” Sometimes I hate myself.
This post was really a ruse to talk about my third favorite cultural phenomena, child beauty pageants. Yea, we all know they are creepy, but if you want to see one of the most bizarre and depressing things ever (and who wouldn’t?) you must check out the documentary Living Dolls: The Making of a Child Beauty Queen. I don’t think you can get it on DVD, but it is in parts on youtube. Watching Swan Bruner force that creepy pageant smile to please her mother is the saddest sight I’ve ever seen. Even creepier is this “pro-am” thing that the kids do when they are modeling their sportswear. Kind of a spastic dance-walk thing. I hear Leslie Butler, another contestant, is doing porn. Raise your hand if you are surprised.
Also, VH1 did a special called Little Beauties, and it is just as fantastic. Note Kynndey, who has the face and body of a 22 year old. Scary.