A Sorta Fairy Tale; #91 In love with A Prince

Dana: Ugh! Everyone is fawning all over the Prince of Santa Dora that has come to Sweet Valley. I’m so disgusted. Because I’m an individual.

Prince Arthur: My oh my! Dana is such a spunky American woman! She’s getting my royal britches in a bunch.

Dana: I am a spunky individual! Therefore, I need to totally hate on aristocracy!

Mr. Collins: Great! I was too busy fondling a lock of Elizabeth’s hair last night to do lesson plans, so let’s host a debate! Prince Arthur, I’m not sure why you are even in class, since you are just visiting. But I guess I’ll go with it to advance the plot.

Dana: Oh, the Prince totally pwned me in the debate. But what is this I’m feeling?

Prince Arthur: Oh Dana, I am so glad that you now like me. And how flattering that you are wearing the flag of my home country as an outfit.

Dana: Oh this dress? I got it on sale at Dress Barn.

Prince Arthur: Oh never mind. Will you marry me?

Dana: Oh yes, of course! And everyone totally supports it! Nevermind that I’m sixteen, since you are rich it’s all good!

Lila: Since I was just almost raped in the last book, I have to act as a desperate, torn woman and creepily stalk Prince Arthur and force him to pay atrention to me. To get back at Dana, I will reveal the Prince’s secret: that he must announce his engagement before he turns seventeen! He was just settling on Dana!

Dana: No! I’ll never love again! I hate Prince Arthur!

Dana: Prince! I had to see you before you left! And because this book’s plot really had no focus, so we have to wrap things up in the last few pages!

Prince Arthur: Oh, Dana, your American spunkiness has taught me so much. I will stand up to my whole country and abolish this archaic tradition. Thank god for the people of Sweet Valley to tell me how to run my country!

Dana: Ok, one second I was ready to marry you, now I’m fine with you leaving! I guess I’ll have to count on getting a part in a Super Edition to see you again.

————

Seriously, I have to give them credit: Dana and Prince Arthur are one of the only couples in SVH that actually have interesting things to talk about- they actually talk about politics and even a bit about each other. Although, Prince Arthur talks like a 60-year-old butler. Of course, Todd gets all jealous because he’s Liz’ pen pal (seriously, they actually referenced something that happened in a Twins book. And there was a even a mention of the Unicorns!). Jessica is vile, and so convinced that the Prince will fall instantly in love with her and doesn’t give a fuck about hitting on the Prince right in front of Sam. Lila’s a mess, because she can no longer have a functional relationship because she was dumb enought to almost get herself raped. Sigh.

Lynne Henry makes an appearance! I thought she disappeared. She hangs out with The Droids and writes songs. She wrote one for the Prince called “Rule my World”. And Dana sings it to the Prince. Do they actually charge for gigs? Or do they just drop everything when Lila has a party?

Dana = still really boring. For a singer of a band, I couldn’t give less of a shit about her.

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31 thoughts on “A Sorta Fairy Tale; #91 In love with A Prince

  1. Elena says:

    I used to love this blog, and I still think it’s pretty funny, but honestly, really I can’t stick around if you’re going to use phrases like “she was dumb enough to almost get herself raped.” I understand that this is fiction and of all things SWEET VALLEY, but victim blaming is not a cool message.

  2. Magpie says:

    “Thank god for the people of Sweet Valley to tell me how to run my country!”

    Yeah, everyone should run their country like Sweet Valley. The quality of their public services, such as the police force, is second to none!

  3. ihatewheat says:

    Sarcasm sometimes doesn’t come through in writing (and sometimes not in talking either) and Elena, your own interpretation and how it affected you is totally valid.

    Let’s all get along, ok?

  4. BartTempleton says:

    I am as anti-victim blaming as is humanly possible, and I noted the sarcasm, but I understand how someone might have been disturbed by the actual sentence.

    Moving on:

    Dress Barn. Too right, IHW, Dress Barn = the early 90s…especially in 2008. Perpetual Nineties (sounds like a good band name). Don’t ask me how I know this, but let’s just say my job is very close to one and I have very short lunch breaks.

    While having no recollection of whether or not I enjoyed this book, I remember this cover. I loved how Dana looked on it, but the thing that stood out to me was how much she resembled the Sweet Valley Twins cover art for the Wakefield Twins. Seriously. Compare a few Twins covers to this. It’s like their older twin.

  5. Amber Tan says:

    Always the voice of reason, ihatewheat. FWIW I immediately interpreted that line the same as Elena did. And then, I thought of Lila’s (admittedly messed up) character and remembered that she does engage in victim-blaming in other books.

    And Prince Arthur? Was one of the ghost writers a failed English major? Geesh, might as well call the guy ‘Beowulf’ and be done with it.

    And WTF is up with that cover? Seriously. The Prince looks like the Tools of All Tools on this cover. And again Jimmy L’Artist fails to give Dana, the featured female, any kind of curves. Instead he wraps her undeveloped frame in an abomination against all known sumptuary laws. That dress is FUGLY. I can almost believe that Jimmy watched that LHOTP episode centered around the blue calico dresses Ma made. 😉

    BTW, is Santa Dora supposed to be in the vicinity of Monaco? And why would the Prince be visiting SV of all places? Did he have a modelling shoot or is he just a serial killer looking for new hunting grounds?

  6. Dwanollah says:

    You forgot to mention the fact that Prince Artie came to SV to check out LIZ as his potential princess! Of COURSE! *eye roll*

    This totally ripped off a 90210 plot. Or wait, was it 90210 that ripped off SVH…? Does it matter?

  7. Jen S says:

    OMG Dana looks about nine years old on that cover. Seriously, that face belongs to BSC, not SV.

    And Arthur, what kind of loser prince are you? You’re ROYALTY and you can’t even snag one of those Monaco losers for a fiancee? (Monaco, the Baldwin Family of royalty.) You have to go to some podunk town in California and grab the first cover band singer you find? Doesn’t your country have any rules? Or pride?

  8. Jade Wu's Toe Shoe says:

    I super puffy heart-ed this one – probably because I’ve always been a stickler for continuity and was pleased with the throwback to SVT!

    I remember thinking along Jen S’s lines and wondering why Santa Dora was enforcing a rule about announcing royal engagements at 17, yet allowed Arthur to essentially pick a random bride off the street. Not to mention that I LOATHED Dana and I was annoyed that Arthur fell for her. Blech.

    Recap was the bee’s knees . . . I’m still laughing. Thanks, ihatewheat!

  9. Jen S says:

    Jade, I was also gonna bitch about Dana’s parents being totally cool with their sixteen year old daughter marrying a foreign man she’s known for a week, but hey, they were cool with Sally being bounced through the foster system for over a decade. So, more continuity, than.

  10. Vanessa Saxton says:

    Elena, we don’t need you to stick around if you can’t take a joke. This is a SV board for crimanies sake!
    I, too, think Dana looks exactly like a SVT. I had that exact same outfit in the 4th grade. Then again, I did try to emulate the cover outfits. Aahh, the memories.

  11. Ellen Riteman says:

    I think Dana looks cute, that outfit is fug, but her prince looks like he’d be more interested in Bruce than the SVH ladies.

  12. Heidi says:

    My question is: Why does Dana always look different?

    This does NOT look like the girl in that sad orange tunic on the cover of “Starting Over”. She must have had a nose job.

  13. Taren says:

    I’ve read the SVT book with Prince Arthur (that’s what I thought this cover was. You can’t tell me that’s not a Wakefield twin!) so how does this book reference that one?

  14. Krysten says:

    The prince kinda looks like someone tried to make a ventriloquist dummy that looked like Johnny Depp, but had only seen Johnny Depp for a second on a bad 21 Jump Street episode.

  15. Lila Fowler says:

    “And why would the Prince be visiting SV of all places? Did he have a modelling shoot or is he just a serial killer looking for new hunting grounds?”

    hahaha that cracked me up, amber tan!

  16. Kae-Leah says:

    I like Dana Larson, for a SVH supporting character, prob’ly ’cause I was big into Jem and Barbie And The Rockers when I was in third grade.

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