Keep it in your pants, Laura

Jeez, I didn’t realize how many boys Laura likes in the early episodes. Pa needs to keep that horniness under control. Everyone in town is all abuzz about the Spring Dance. How SVH of them. Laura has her eye on Henry Henderson. WHAT is with the names? Johnny Johnson? Henry Henderson? Almanzo Almanzostein? Henry has a blond bowl cut and a I-smell-shit pout all the time. Laura wants him to ask her to the dance.

Meanwhile, the widow Grace Snyder (yes, people actually call her that- like’s it’s an official title to remind everyone that she’s a soiled woman) has a thing for Mr. Edwards, who is too busy with his meth lab hidden in the mill. Ma is all, guuuurrrrl, you deserve better, make him jealous! Grace pretends to be all up on Doc Baker, who is clueless about what she is doing because we all know he is asexual except when it comes to the Olsen’s underage relatives.

Laura overhears Ma tells the widow Grace this, and hatched\s a plan. She makes Willie Olsen her gigolo which makes Henry mad and quite frankly grossed out because Willie’s all of maybe seven years old in these eps?

Finally, after all hilarity ensues, everyone gets to go to the dance with who they want and it turns out it’s some guy playing a fiddle in the schoolhouse/church so what was the big deal anyway?

16 thoughts on “Keep it in your pants, Laura

  1. Ovaltine says:

    You know what’s even creepier than seven year old Willie as her gigolo? The fact that Melissa Gilbert and Jonathan Gilbert (Willie) are real life brother and sister. Adopted, but still.

  2. Jen S says:

    No way, Ovaltine! Gee-ross!

    Nothing hotter than than a dance in a stuffy 8 x 12 room with one fiddle for music. That Virginia Reel is the Devil’s Dance, I tell ya!

    And why did no woman ever set her cap (futiley) for Doc? We know he was an asexual robot, but you’d think Widow Grace would get a little lonely waiting for Edwards to come down from his meth run.

  3. identicalgoldlavalieres says:

    damn, i was just on my way here to post about willie and laura’s real life siblingness. you beat me to it Ovaltine.

    Doc Baker is just ass. I don’t think anyone on the prairie is that desperate.

    I watched “Mr. Edwards gets his Little DUI on The Prairie” last night. Good times.

  4. BartTempleton says:

    Also, if I may interject some SVH hate,

    I’ve been trying to beef up some the Comments sections of IHW’s earlier posts–for posterity, you know, and, well, actually, just to vent.

    I just unloaded 15 years worth of pent-up rant regarding _Power Play_ and Liz’s Concern for fatties.

    I invite others to follow my lead and read previously recapped items and add to the comments.

  5. Deathy says:

    “I’d really like to know the backstory behind that very odd bit of sibling torture.”

    When my brother was younger he went through a Little House phase so my mom taped three episodes for him. I had to sit with him in the mornings to wait for his bus. He’s autistic so the special ed bus came to our door and the only place you could see out the window to the street was the living room. My mom was already at work and I left after him. So every day for about six months we had to watch that stupid tape over and over and over. I think I had the whole thing memorized. :p

  6. Diana says:

    Deathy, thank god my dad was too cheap to buy a VCR and when we had one my sister wasn’t quite adept with it, otherwise she would have made me watch Little House all the time.

    I do like these recaps, though. Much better (and funnier) than trying to sit through an episode.

  7. Dwanollah says:

    Wheatie, if you’re gonna recap LHOTP, I gotta beg for some props for my all-time fave episode, Whisper County, otherwise known as Miss Peel is AWESOME!

    You are a sinful stench in the nostrils of the righteous.

  8. ihatewheat says:

    is that the one where Mary goes off to teach and releases the chicken and the town thinks she’s a whore? That one hasn’t been on lately.

    HOWEVER, the two-parter where Albert is an addict is burning a hole in my TiVo.

  9. Dwanollah says:

    That’s totally it! Jezebel! Flauntin’ yer flesh in temptation’s raiment! You will BURN!

    (I have an unhealthy obsession with that one.)

    Granted, Albert Speeyaks Morphine is an all-time classic….

  10. Onnie says:

    haha…I have been so busy finishing up school that I have not had time to pop on by, and what do I see on my return by LHOTP!!! I came back home 2 weeks ago, and started vegetating and watched every single episode starting with season 1 all the way to the blow up. Every Almonzo and Laura kissing scene made me cringe. I don’t know why back then I used to love it. Now it just grosses me out. Although, Dean was a frickin cutie back then.

  11. identicalgoldlavalieres says:

    Those students in Whisper County freak me out every time. They are all Village of the Damned or something, I don’t know.

    I agree that Albert and his unfortuante morPHINE addiction is a classic as well as Thylvia, which we have already discussed here but must be mentioned when speaking of classic Little House.

  12. Amber Tan says:

    “Jezebel! Flauntin’ yer flesh in temptation’s raiment! You will BURN!”

    Especially for you, Dwanollah and ihatewheat…

  13. Amber Tan says:

    “Those students in Whisper County freak me out every time. They are all Village of the Damned or something, I don’t know.”

    Naw, identicalgoldlavalieres. They’re probs just stoop-id. Unless Mr. Edwards’ meth business has picked up (they do seem a little stoned).

    Consider the fact that Joshua (the ‘devil’s disciple’ who gets fresh with Mary) admits he never thought to use soft dirt and a stick in place of a slate & slate-pencil to do math.

    When he said, “You kin thank circles aroun’ me”, my brother and I rolled our eyes and were like, ‘Well, yah, dude, that’s soooo not hard.”

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