#129 Cover Girls

Cover Girl? What?

Oh, Cover Girls. Damn.

There’s a two-week minibreak at SVH so the students can take two-week internships. Actually, not a bad idea, Chrome Dome, it’s good to give these kids a slice of the real world. Except it would make for a boring series if the twins were REAL interns- making photocopies and staring at a computer. I’ll give you my opinion about interns- if they don’t have a specific role or position, they are really a pain in the ass. I was at a previous job when I supervised several interns and it was actually way more work for me to give them things to do, and when I did, they complained it wasn’t enough substance. What did they expect, they weren’t getting paid! Ugh. Anyway, I’ve uncovered the ads that the twins answered when looking for their internships.

EDITORIAL INTERN

Looking for an aspiring writer, who despite turning up their nose at fashion mags, suddenly will attach their lips to the ass of anyone that works in the editorial department. Preferred qualifications: someone who is so full of themselves that when they pitch an idea, and it is not immediately the cover story for the magazine, will pitch a fit and feel like they are not being appreciated. Will neglect friends and boyfriends because she actually believes she will get a job at Flair if she works hard enough. Will ignore needs of friends because she thinks her internship is superior. Will automatically be given the job if she can manage to finagle her boyfriend to visiting her at work and he magically is offered a job as a model and then throws jealous fits when he talks to supermodels. Send resume and cover letter. No calls please.

And Jessica’s , um…”Internship”

PHOTOGRAPHER’S ASSISTANT

World-famous fashion photgrapher Quenton Berg looking for an underage girl to be his personal slave. Must be willing to hatch a plan to seduce him in order for him to make her a model. Must endure humiliating tasks and put up with a supermodel’s bitchy antics. Preferred qualifications: must flaunt their goods with a poor lowly mailroom clerk in order to create love triangle. Will stop at nothing to be noticed as a supermodel.

I wasn’t too thrilled about this one at first because quite frankly the cover makes me want to punch someone in the face. The Daniel twins always looked like 35 year old porn stars to me. Also, what does it have to do with anything? Liz is also wearing a three-year old’s bathing suit. Although it does remind me of when sunflower patterns were all the rage. I maaaayyyy have had a sunflower babydoll dress that I maaaayyy have worn with bike pants and Doc Martens.

But seriously! How do they come up with this stuff! Of course, even at Flair magazine, everyone clamors over the twins despite being two-week only high school interns. It’s like the Hills, where they are magically handed glamorous jobs and talk about absolutely nothing but themselves. And what happened to Ingenue magazine? At least Flair mag is actually in LA.

And isn’t it just like SV for someone to be discovered as a model in two seconds flat? And Todd totally gets to march around in a skimpy Speedo, and Liz is kind of disgusted. And apparently sexual harassment is on the menu at Flair. While Jessica is napping, the mail room guy makes out with her. And Jessica shuts herself in the darkroom with Quentin and makes out with him so he won’t know who it is.

However innocuous, this quote really cracked me up. “As they walked to Todd’s car he chatted excitedly about the possibility of modeling for Quentin- studiously avoiding any mention of Simone, Elizabeth noticed. She had never seen Todd look so happy and alive. And she never felt so rotten.” O rly Liz? Being jealous of Todd working with a supermodel makes you feel the most rotten ever? Even more than when you were kidnapped and almost raped? And when you were held at gunpoint several times? Or attacked by a werewolf? Or when you got drunk and killed your sister’s boyfriend and was on trial for murder? Yea. those don’t even compare.

Raise your hand if you are soooo over Todd and Liz cheating on each other and/or getting jealous and/or fighting in every g-damn book.

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21 thoughts on “#129 Cover Girls

  1. Cara Walker says:

    Yep, my hand is up. I have always maintined that Todd is one of the most boring SVH characters. It always gets me how hypocritical Liz is, since she cheats on Todd every second book.

    I also hate this cover and every other cover with the Daniels twins. ’35-year old porn stars’ – HAHA! That’s hilarious and so, so accurate.

  2. James says:

    laughed immediately once I noticed the sunflower bathing suit! HAHAHAH You know I just realized something…SVH books that focus a great part of the story on Todd and Liz’s relationship tend to be BOOORING. They start off in love. Cue misunderstanding. Cue petty, jealous, irrational feelings. Cue sickening make up scene. wash, rinse, repeat.

  3. Magpie says:

    Ugh, I hate Todd and Liz’s relationship. Talk about crappy writing, that the editors can’t find anything interesting for them to do that doesn’t involve them breaking up and then making up. That’s one of the reasons why I was so grateful for Senior Year!

    I totally have no memory of the mailroom guy making out with Jessica in her sleep. What the hell??

  4. Amber Tan says:

    I am raising both hands to express extreme annoyance at Toddbeth’s co-dependent relationship and the addition of yet another model to SV.

    “looking for an underage girl to be his personal slave. ”

    Bwah, ihatewheat! I am soooo using this if I ever have to place a help wanted ad. 😉

    “I maaaayyyy have had a sunflower babydoll dress that I maaaayyy have worn with bike pants and Doc Martens.”

    I can neither confirm nor deny that I had a similar outfit circa 1991. [deadpan]

  5. Diana says:

    This was one of the last SV books I read, before Senior Year came out and I rediscovered my love of the series.

    In middle and high school I wanted to be a magazine journalist. When I read this I was naive enough to think that my internship would actually be like Elizabeth’s. Ha! Ha!

    And word on the similarity of these books to The Hills. But at least The Hills girls are in college? (Or something. Didn’t Whitney go to college, at least?)

  6. maybeimamazed02 says:

    Diana–yes, Whitney actually graduated from college. She seems to be the Hills girl who actually has her shit together, which of course is why she’s relegated to asking vapid Lauren, “So, what’d you do last night?”

    I know we’ve all had this discussion before, but I really like Leven Rambin on the SVH re-release covers. I think she looks pretty and natural as the twins, and not 35-year-old porn star-like.

    And WORD on interns, ihatewheat. Sometimes at my job it’s the opposite problem…we DO give them things to do, but a) we have to supervise the hell out of them, and/or b) they go on a power trip and have to be put in their place. So annoying.

  7. BartTempleton says:

    Despised the Daniel twins when they first came out on the covers, because it signaled some sort of brave new world of Sweet Valley that I, stuck in my 80s-early 90s rut, was unwilling to explore. I didn’t want them to real people, because I knew they weren’t real; they were “mine.” I was very posessive of my YA memories.

    Now, I smirk almost fondly over them. When compared to what was to come–Senior Year and Elizabeth, two series I only learned of this year (heck, I only found out about Elizabeth last month!)–the Daniel SVHs seem a brighter, more innocent time.

    But I still never read this far in the series (I stoppedf at the Cheerleading mini-series).

    And I still will always love, love, love to hate, hate, hate on Todd Wilkins and his sixteen-going-on-40 child bride. Pascal had me at “coffee-colored-eyes” and salty milkshake kisses.

  8. BartTempleton says:

    Oh, and did this book come out before the Lewinsky matter?

    I only ask because it seems highly likely that Pascal and her ghosties would have observed that national fiasco and been like “this is what being an intern Today is like! We totally need to do a book getting deep into the tawdry world of interns-sexual harassment and power and excitement!”

  9. lois walrus says:

    i actually liked this cover~ it was a refreshing change from the “combover bangs” and creepy erotica-esque fake people covers.. plus i remember feeling totally validated by the fact that the PERFECT wakefield twins were flat chested and if they were then it was okay for me to be too HA! 🙂

  10. Deathy says:

    “i actually liked this cover~ it was a refreshing change from the “combover bangs” and creepy erotica-esque fake people covers.. plus i remember feeling totally validated by the fact that the PERFECT wakefield twins were flat chested and if they were then it was okay for me to be too HA! :)”

    The Daniel twins weren’t flat chested, that bathing suit just does absolutely nothing for Cynthia, but I agree about the feeling of validation. Check out Jess’s boobs here. ^_^

  11. Katie in Berkeley says:

    Ha! Sunflowers! I’m still embarrassed to look too closely at my childhood bedroom because inevitably I discover some new sunflower-coated hideousness.

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