Catching Up with the Pen Pals: Palmer dumps Simmie’s ass and then dates a townie

Ah, I’ve been neglecting our favorite boy-crazy boarding school broads. When we left off, Palmer stole Amy’s PP, Simmie Randolph tres, and evetyone forgave her for it.

I hate sports-related books. However, boys are involved, so a-okay! There’s a joint tennis tournament between the Ardsley and the girls’ school, so Palmer teams up with Simmie. However, he throws a huge shit fit when it turns out she’s better than him. So she starts playing like shit and actually loses her spot on the tennis team. Then, feminism triumphs over everyone and Palmer realizes she is being an idiot. She also thinks Simmie will ask her to the big dance (fuck, these schools have dances as much as SVH) but then he shows up with another hussy.

Other things happen, like the girls fight and Shanon has a big shit fit because they are not all getting along and her parents forgot to add the extra “n” to her name.

John and Amy write incredibly boring letters to each other, Mars continues to show signs that he has the mentaqlity of a three year old, and Rob and Lisa make sheep’s eyes at each other (as Ma Ingalls would say).

Palmer’s hair looks out of control, but she’s got the bitchface down. I wore the outfit Amy is wearing to my first day of sixth grade.

Sam the Sham, #5. Palmer needs a new pen pal, so the gals take out another ad in the newspaper. Sam writes back, and he is a cute redhead and plays in a band. Palmer and he write 2 short boring letters to each other, and suddenly Palmer is in love. However, it seems that no one at Ardsley has heard of him. The gals take a trip to the mall, and see him…GASP!…as a shoe salesman! How middle class! Apparently he dropped out of Ardsley and now goes to a local high school. Palmer runs away and Sam thinks she is a spoiled bitch, and I agree. Finally, later at another joint dance (again?) Sam’s band The Fantasy is playing and they make up.

Wow, did Pen Pals really jump the shark this early? I know the central plot is writing to boys, but it is just silliness now. I can’t stand John Adams and his dumb poetry, Mars thinking he is clever with his stupid inventions, Shanon’s “whoa is me, I’m a scholarshup girl” crying,and Palmer repeatedly acting like Jessica and Lila combined but the other girls bending over and taking it.

The best thing about the books are the outfits on the covers. They are pretty true to what the descriptions in the books are. Wow Palmer, in your closet of pricey designer clothes, you shose to wear the dress I wore to my Bat Mitzvah?

6 thoughts on “Catching Up with the Pen Pals: Palmer dumps Simmie’s ass and then dates a townie

  1. Sada says:

    This series probably jumped the shark with the first acrostic poem, but I loved it ’til the bitter end.

    However, I did not remember that Sam was a redhead. Does Sharon Dennis Wyeth have some sort of redhead fetish? I mean, I know that attractive redheaded men exist, but in my experience, they’ve been kind of few and far between. Am I right or am I right? To be fair, I still don’t really buy it that John Adams is cute. I don’t care how big his muscles are.

  2. The Black Sheep says:

    I have one of these books, and I really never got into it. Shanon made me want to put my fist through the cover.

  3. Suddenly, Sassy! says:

    This is very very wrong. Also I see no pharaohs. Cute male redheads that are prepackaged that way are indeed few and far between and seldom seen. Shit danny friggenrichards Bonadouche comes to mind at any age what an effin’ frightmare!’ve only met one John Adams and he was a fat fugly hideous evil stupid petty angry henpecked resentful abusive bully of a sold-out ass-kissing idiotic loser of a fucktarded waste of space who was stealing my oxygen and generally spreading toxic waste negativity and leaving a gigantic snail trail of disgusting slime behing his fat ass and leaving a hella ginormous carbon footprint. Therefore and thusly quite rightly so providing a perfectly reasonable argument for a): eugenics, b): torture, c): immediate death penalty, d): birth control, e): abortion, f): total abstinence from any sexual activity whatsoever/complete and utter celibacy, g): mandatory sterility….and so on and so forth…..{Now Then, understandably, This All Does Indeed Smack of The Rantings and Ravings of a Certain Guy What Either Dropped out pf Art School or Just Didn’t Cut the Mustard or otherwise have what it took …Didn’t perhaps have thet Clara Bow *It Gurl* quality soOo necessary to making it in the cutthroat whirled of the artistes. BooHoo WhaaWaa. Gee Whiz Wally So he figgered his next best bet would be to become a dick. I mean a dicktator, as he had good dictation and his oral skills were good. That is to say he did not need to join the locel Toastmasters Club or even to read Dale Carnegie’s best selling self hep book weather or not it had even been writen or pub subbed by then. Because he probably had a timeline machine if he was deeply involved in the ocluts magical mysteria tours. So, anywho. Yes, but regadrless of simularties to Hietlrian appraiches and philohposies, these ideas have been nothing new as neither has the symblogy of the swatsika. Its all in the manor of how one is put to death.

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