It’s so hard being Caitlin.

Once in a while, someone or something or some high power gives you a gift that makes everything makes sense. It gives me a focus, a purpose, a reason for going on. And that gift is Caitlin: Promises Broken.

Well well where to even to begin? The cover I guess, where Caitlin looks like a model for the JC Penny catalog, circa 1983. The guy coming on to her is supposed to be your standard college guy. You know the kind that wears sweater vests and brown wool blazers. And looks about 40. That’s Julian, a big man on campus. A big man on campus with psychopathic tendencies.

Caitlin has started college at Carleton Hill and Jed is off at agricultural college on Montana. Caitlin’s college, I swear, was imagined by someone who went to college in 1942. Where all the kids hang out in the student union sipping sodas on Friday night. Chyea. A small private college in the middle of nowwhere? More like kids snorting lines of coke off some girl who is naked except for gold lame American Apparel shorts.

Caitlin’s roommate is some sophomore Louise and Louise is all pissed because last year, she was the most popular girl (of the college? Who claims that?) and now everyone just loves Caitlin because she so pretty and awesome and cool and pretty and nice and pretty. Louise is pissed because SHE was the most popular girl last year. Hon, if you are so popular, why are you rooming with a frosh?

Caitlin pines over Jed and plays the martyr and stays in and rejects the THOUSANDS of guys who ask her out. Meanwhile Louise befriends Julian who is strangely obsessed with Caitlin and after he hears that she has a long-distance boyfriend, he becomes obsessed with breaking them up and enlists Louise in his plan. And Louise doesn’t find this weird? Oh right, she’s totally into the plan because Caitlin. must. SUFFER! For taking away her popularity.

Oh, and Julian? Is really…dun dun dun….Jared Stokes! The one that Caitlin met as a kid and when he went to touch her uxurious coat, she freaked out. And this man has been holding this grudge ever since. Seriously. And he probably found the coat Caitlin wore as a child, and sobs and jerks off on it everynight in his dorm room.

So, it is just so rough being as beautiful and awesome as Caitlin, that it’s like dangerous to her, because people will be driven to jealousy! It’s too much to handle! Caitlin has it sooooo haaaard!

So how do they plan on destroying Caitlin? By breaking up her and Jed, so she will know what it’s like to suffer! She’s has everything handed to her her whole life, she needs to know what it’s like to lose. Okay, I’m not one to defend Caitlin, but uh, her mom died when she was born and she didn’t know her father at all. That’s just a lil shitty, come on give her credit for that.

So there is about 75% of the book where Caitlin gets jealous of Jed and Eve being at college together, which gets old before it even starts. Francine, it’s not like we’ve read 100+ books of Liz and Todd and that bullshit. To give Jed credit, he doesn’t have time for Caitlin’s insecure bullshit either. He actually writes an assertive, somewhat straighforward letter.

Caitlin-

I’ll make this letter short. Since you said you’ll be too busy to write much in the next few weeks, I take it that means that you won’t have the time to read my letters either.

I don’t really know what is going on, Caitlin. I can only make guesses. But whatever it is, I don’t like it.

First you call my dorm-so early in the morning that everyone wanted to know what the emergency was- just to check up on me. Then you follow up with a letter telling me how busy you’re going to be because of this sorority you’ve joined. Was the letter meant to make me jealous? If it was, I don’t really appreciate it. I thought our relationship was much deeper.

Or pehaps what you are trying to say is that you’vegone back to being the party girl you were when I first met you. If that’s it, hen obviously you’ve found the right place. Carleton Hill sounds like a real party school.

If you’re too busy to write, I guess I’ll be busy myself for a while. There’s a rodeo coming up, and Eve and I are teaming up for the bulldogging and steer-roping events.

Well, do write if you have the time. And I’ll try to do the same.

Jed

Nice handled Jed! Looks like you’ve been reading this site.

Then in a bizarre plot point, creepy Julian invites Caitlin and her friend Ginny to a group trip to Ft. Lauderdale, and he goes off the grid for creepiness, because as a senior, doesn’t he have other friends than these freshmen girls? And suddenly Caitlin is in love with him and they share a passionate kiss on the beach, and of course don’t have sex.

So it’s over with her and Jed…OR IS IT?

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “It’s so hard being Caitlin.

  1. The Black Sheep says:

    First comment. Woot.

    I never got into the whole Caitlin thing. I was happy (for a while, anyway) with my world of Sweet Valley. I did however, read one and almost threw up because of Caitlin’s awesomeness. If that’s a word.

  2. Amber Tan says:

    “Where all the kids hang out in the student union sipping sodas on Friday night. Chyea. A small private college in the middle of nowwhere? More like kids snorting lines of coke off some girl who is naked except for gold lame American Apparel shorts.”

    HAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant, ihatewheat! 🙂

  3. Meghan says:

    The most popular girl in college? Right. Then again, my college had 35,000 students, so you didn’t exactly know everyone.

    I’ve never read these Caitlin books, but now I kind of want to.

  4. Karmyn says:

    I have lived my entire life in a college town and have never seen anybody dress like that, not even a professor.
    Maybe they do in Ivy League schools or in the Midwest, but not here in Texas. Too hot to dress like that.

  5. Amber Tan says:

    “awesomeness. If that’s a word”

    Yes, The Black Sheep, ‘awesomeness’ is definitely a word according to Mr. Webster.

    “Maybe they do in Ivy League schools or in the Midwest, but not here in Texas. Too hot to dress like that.”

    Do they wear gold lame short-shorts instead, Karmyn? 😉

    FWIW, I attended schools in the Northeast and on the West Coast and never saw anything as remotely hideous as those blazers.

  6. Dwanollah says:

    “And this man has been holding this grudge ever since. Seriously. And he probably found the coat Caitlin wore as a child, and sobs and jerks off on it everynight in his dorm room.”

    *sporfle*

    There are so many things wrong with this book. I wish Jed had run off with Colin Wolman’s “sister” Nicole and we’d been spared this whole stupid thing.

  7. Lemur says:

    Seriously. Most popular girl in college? What world does Francine live in where there are sororities in high school and people give a shit about popularity in college?

  8. Jen S says:

    And he probably found the coat Caitlin wore as a child, and sobs and jerks off on it everynight in his dorm room.

    OMFG I wept when I read that. HAW!

    Poor Caitlin–if only she had her pony to talk to things wouldn’t be so messed up. Lurve how she fell for Creepy Jared’s shennanigans.

  9. tinypants says:

    Lemur’s comment made me totally LOL.

    Also making me LOL — this passage from “The Au Pairs” by Melissa de la Cruz. Best. Reference. Ever. I love how no reader of this book under the age of 20 or so would have any idea what she was talking about!

    “Eliza was dimpled, gorgeous, and blond, blessed with the kind of cover girl looks that paradise resort brochures were made of. All she needed to complete the picture was a dark tan and a gold lavaliere necklace. The tan would happen—she’d hit Flying Point and slather on the Ombrelle, and, well, the lavaliere was tacky anyway.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s