You never forget your first time.

I guess I never mentioned it before, but No Place to Hide was my first Sweet Valley High book, ever. I think I had been reading a couple of the twins books before I picked this one up at my local B. Dalton. And I remember totally choosing it for the cover.

Yes, that Microsoft Paint magnifying-glass thing totally hooked me. I guess I thought the twins were beyond gorgeous on the cover and my shallow self wanted to glance at the glossy cover and dream of the day that I, too, could grow up and be just as glamorous.

Hoever, I have NO idea why I continued reading, because this was beyond wretched. Maybe even worse than the other non-chlling super thriller. I think after this one I was at the library and saw All Night Long and decided to give it another chance. I cry wolf all the time, but really, this may be the worst one yet.The plotline of this is off the grid. ANd unecessarily complicated.

But, I suppose you want a summary, eh? Okay, I’ll try to muster up the patience to tell you this inane plot.

So it’s back during the summer, and the twins are back working at the newspaper, and Liz is with Jeffrey, and it’s supposedly right after Regina Morrow (shout out to my cat!) has just died. So you work with that timeline.

Oh, the big news? Sweet Valley’s mayoral campaign. Russell Kincaid v. some other old white guy. I can only imagine their campaign promises: “We promise to limit the sumber of ‘minorities’ in the town, make Wakefield day an offical holiday, and build an expansion on the valley mall.” What about the insanse crimes that happen in Sweet Valley?! The cults recruiting innocent kids? The gang warfare?

The twins invite Nicholas Morrow with them to their company picnic down in some podunk town and they take a walk and find this big old house and meet this gal, Barbara who Nicholas gets a big bone for. The big old house belongs to Babs; grandmother, and she is staying there with the housekeeper and her very strict uncle. Okay, so the uncle is kind of a dick and controls Barbara, but Nicholas and the twins kind of freak out and feel it’s a crime and Barbara is totally being abused and want to call Human Rights Watch on them or something. All the man does is give her a curfew and shit.

Nicholas sneaks to the house every night and he and Barbara hang out in the woods, NOT fooling around, NOT groping each other over their clothes, but hanging out with her dog Rory and talking about woe is Babs and her mean family. And talking about possible escape. Um, how about, what movies you like? Silly stuff? They’re teenagers for god’ sake. There are some close calls where they almost get caught and Nicholas keeps getting followed.

Then, of course, instead of calling the police and say, some ADULTS to help, the twins and Nicholas hatch a plan to help Barbara escape. Who do they think they are, the Baby-Sitters Club?

Fast forward about 70 more pages of close calls and Nicholas bemoaning Babs’ plight and we find out that Russell Kincaid, mayoral candidate is the brother to Babs’ Uncle John, and Uncle J wants to get back at Russell for something, so he lures Babs to the house for the summer because she is the spitting image to her grandmother Barbara, who Russell murdered way back in the day, and John wanted him to think he saw a ghost. Because it’s really appropriate to have you middle-aged brother lusting after an underage gal who reminds you of your dead lover. Nice one, ghost writers.

So Barbara of course will never show up in another book, so she breaks up with Nicholas when she moves to Switzerland. To the land of doctors that cure deafness.

Ugh, Terrible. Awful. Shit, the twins are still working at the Valley News? Couldn’t they get real interns from Sweet Valley University? Why am I questioning the logic?

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30 thoughts on “You never forget your first time.

  1. Dwanollah says:

    This was your first SVH book…? And you KEPT READING?!

    Ah, well, like any of us can judge!

    Liz and Jess are the worst interns ever. You’d think the publishing world would be scared of them, after all the, you know, ghosts and werewolf shit.

  2. maybeimamazed02 says:

    Funny, my friend and I were just talking the other day how so many teens in books and TV don’t just ACT LIKE THE KIDS THEY ARE. In other words, like you said, why don’t they talk about movies and music and stuff?

    That’s hilarious…I remember my mom buying me Sweet Valley Twins #1 when I was in first grade and I lurved the cover. Pink! Pretty! Twins! I wanna look like that when I’m in sixth grade!

  3. Jen S says:

    “who Russell murdered way back in the day…”

    WHAT?

    Okay, you had me until the murder bit. The HELL? So NOBODY calls the police within a hundred mile radius of Sweet Valley, I guess. “Murdered my mother, he did, but instead of legal justice, I’ll wait until my sibling gives birth to a girl who will grow up to be her double, than somehow lure him from the mayoral campaign I’m positive he’ll be conducting, and he will think he saw her ghost, because he doesn’t keep track of any children born into his immediate family, and the sight of her will IMMEDIATELY make him…well do something, and THAN I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!”

    Man, seriously, when your plot is lame even compared to the average SV plot, it’s time to get the gun out.

  4. RollingStone says:

    Oh, so that’s a MAGNIFYING GLASS on the cover of the Super Thrillers! Up until now, I only looked at the handle and I thought it was a book, although I never thought that made much sense…

  5. Magpie says:

    So, most of the book is about Nicholas (a character I always found pretty dull, even if he was supposed to look like a Hollywood star) and his whining over nothing, and then they introduce some weirdo twist?! I seriously did a double-take when I got to the part about the murder. I knew there was a reason I never really bothered with the earlier Super Thrillers!

  6. Jan says:

    Magpie- Yes, Nicholas was TERMINALLY boring I always thought so! To Maybe- I remember getting ” Best Friends” at a book fair in 4th grade and I also loved the pink cover and thought the twins were so gorgeous and I wanted to be JUST LIKE THEM!
    And I DESPISED this book soooo, soooooo much!

    • Pedro says:

      The title for this reminds me of the oiongng mysteries series by Sue Grafton.Yea, Linday, SV has the worst parents ever.Lila is a cheerleader? I didn’t know that.[] Reply:December 14th, 2009 at 1:43 pmI don’t think I like the idea of Lila being a cheerleader. I like to think of her as way above that, especially since she’s not captain. The Lila in my head would never take orders from a freaking Wakefield.[]Darren Reply:July 21st, 2010 at 3:34 amLila was actually a cheerleader until I believe book 10 when she and Cara got kicked off the squad for pulling some prank at Palisades I think. Then Lila came back on when Heather Malone had her power grab’ moment in ditching Sandy and Maria for no reason other then being a manipulating bitch that had to be slapped around if I was in the book. I think Lila found the old magic again when Jessica formulated her squad. But I’m confused are there 8 cheerleaders? THere’s Heather, Sandy, Maria, Amy but Jeannie wasn’t even mentioned, Jean West! I don’t think Sandra Bacon was snatched either! THis ghostwriter seemed to forget who all the cheerleaders were![]squeen Reply:August 15th, 2011 at 2:09 amThey mentioned that Jean and Sandy left because they got tired of the bickering between Heather and Jessica.[]

  7. glittergirley says:

    Jessica (thats her right? the one on the right?) does look really pretty on the cover.. she’s got that movie star glow to her face, and the perfect tan.

  8. Ellen Riteman says:

    I always loved this cover too, it might be my all time favorite.
    As for the story, I couldn’t even finish it, and I must admit I LIKE the stupid super chillers, where they meet 45 killers and stalkers just by interning and like making coffee at the newspaper. Nicholas is really boring, even for SVH male standards.

  9. The Black Sheep says:

    I swear to God, Liz and her damn barretts. They match her dang shirt, which resembles one my Dad used to wear to work.

  10. Mehreen says:

    Jen S, that was HILARIOUS! I am wondering why this was called No Place To Hide. Was it really that hard to hide from Barbara’s uncle? I’m guessing not if Nicholas saw her everyday. It’s amazing to me that these teens fall in love (not lust) every other day. Lust/sex/boobies I would understand, but risking ur life (if you think uncle is dangerous) to see a girl and not even TRYING to get in her pants? That’s just weird for a teenage boy.

  11. Magpie says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who found Nicholas like a coma in book form. I never understood why the writers kept bringing him back. It was as though they thought that we should all be in love with him because he had dark hair and a cleft chin. He’s a bit of a creepy stalker in some of the books to top it off!

  12. Suzanne says:

    Hey- I just started up a blog recapping the Sleepover Friends books. I added your blog to my blog list. Hope that is ok! If you could add me to your list, that would be great. Thanks.

  13. BartTempleton says:

    I believe this is the only Super Thriller I never read. I have no inkling why I snubbed it, but it’s safe to say that the back cover synopsis probably didn’t prove enticing enough to spend my Sweet Valley money on. It also got my goat that Super Editions and Thrillers generally had no continuity and causation with the series proper, and that whomever I encountered in a Super ____ could be counted on to never interact with anyone else in the numbered books.

    E.g., if–who are we kidding: WHEN–Liz cheats on Todd/Jeffrey/etc. in the series, we can at least expect that there will be some sort of fall-out, no matter how short-term. (Like the time Liz goes on a pity-date with Nicholas M. and Todd encounters them at the restaurant). But in the Super editions, romances come in a vacuum and then are gone with the wind.

    As for my “first time,” it was Secrets, a couple of years after it was first published (I was in elementary school, possibly 3rd grade). To this day (I just re-read it in May), it’s the definitive Sweet Valley for me. I realized this year when re-reading it that Double Love is better-written (surprisingly, it’s a mildly cohesive and entertaining piece of work, with enjoyable characters). But Secrets stands alone for me.

    I didn’t encounter the Twins until later. Funnily, very little in the Twins has stuck with me, except for Jessica being afraid to be seen in glasses; Jessica’s menses angst; the bratty Italian excahnge student; and the terminally ill classmate. But the High? I can actually remember full quotes from a range of books over the series.

    Nothing like your first time, indeed.

  14. Amber Tan says:

    “i propose a what was your 1st svh thread.”

    Third-ing calico drive’s suggestion!

    FTR, my 1st SVH Book was #1 — “Double Love” — ’cause I’m the kind of gal that likes to start at the beginning. In fact, I read the first 10-15 books in sequence but eventually had to mix it up because other library patrons had already borrowed the next title in the series. (biatches)

  15. Jaci says:

    I remember this one! My older sister owned it, and I would sneak into her room and read it. I remember Barbara’s uncle made her and her dog walk along the edge of a cliff in the fog every night, because the guy murdered her grandma by pushing her over that cliff. Ah, the drama.

    My very first SVH book was Two Boy Weekend. I’m surprised there is no recap of that one yet! Jessica cheats on her boyfriend, then her psycho lover grabs Elizabeth and shoves her in the trunk of his car! And Jessica’s Spidey-sense goes off–uh, I mean, her Twin-sense–and she is able to find Elizabeth just by spinning circles in the parking lot! So much to snark on in that one. 🙂

  16. Cheryl says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who found Nicholas like a coma in book form. I never understood why the writers kept bringing him back. It was as though they thought that we should all be in love with him because he had dark hair and a cleft chin. He’s a bit of a creepy stalker in some of the books to top it off!

    I’m suprised Nicholas didn’t get a book to himself where he falls in love with someone besides the wakefield twins..correct me if I’m wrong but wasn’t nicholas a blonde?

  17. Jen S says:

    I think Nicholas was the dark haired/icy blue eyes type.

    I really can’t remember which SVH I read first, but I distinctly remember the first special I got a hold of was the spring break bicycle trip–where Courtney hits on Todd and sets the woods on fire, and Barry saves Jessica and whatshisname from a bear. Good times.

  18. Dwanollah says:

    Robbie October, Jen. His name was ROBBIE OCTOBER! He’s now appearing at the Tomcat Theatre in a leopard-print speedo.

    My first SVH book was Secrets, too. I borrowed it from a friend and read it during class in 8th grade. And was instantly hooked.

  19. Magpie says:

    I’m pretty sure Nicholas had dark hair! Though since I was sleeping through all of his cameos, I may be mistaken 😉

    My first SVH was Dangerous Love. I thought Todd was the bestest boy a girl could have. I then didn’t read Dear Sister for about 3 years, ’cause my local library didn’t have it, though obviously I knew Liz doesn’t die, seeing as how she’s in the rest of the series.

  20. Cara Walker says:

    I remember holding off on this book because the cover was so awful – Jess and Liz’s expresssions are a forced “this is dodgy!”. Yes, when I read the book I thought it was just as awful. I think I only ever read it once (unlike the rest of the SVH series!).

    Also, I always wondered why thw rich and handsome Nick Morrow had so little action throughout the series. I’d be all over him like a barnacle!

  21. Deathy says:

    This was one of the first SVH books I ever read and I remember loving it when I was 11. ^_^

    As for my first it was #109 Double-Crossed when I was 10.

  22. Amy Slutton says:

    OMG, I remember I was so scared when I read this one as a kid. I could have sworn it was going to turn out that Barbara really was a ghost.

    My very first SVH was #30 Jealous Lies. It totally made me swoon. The part on the ferris wheel… sigh!

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