Key parties and quaaludes: the parents of Stoneybrook, CT

I came to a realization with a friend the other day (because we somehow incorporate the BSC into everyday convo) and that many of the BSC parents are our age, especially if they have younger children. Weird! So what’s up with their lives? I’ve always wondered:

  • why do they let 13 year olds not only babysit, but constantly allow them to take their kids in baby parades, impromptu day camps and arts classes?
  • So any one them hang out with each other? What’s the scene like? Is Jamie Newton’s dad secretly diddling Ms. Prezzioso? Does Dr. Johansen host key parties? I wonder if there is a seedy bar in Stoneybrook, similar to Kelly’s.
  • Ms. Shaefer/Mrs. Spier otherwise know as Sharon. Cleary she takes hallucinagens and/or smokes copious amounts of weed. Why else would she leave shoes in the fridge and wear dishpans as underwear or whatever other weird stuff she does. Hmmmm…why did Mr. Shaefer leave her?
  • Mr. and Mrs. Pike: Jeez, stop fornicating like bunnies. What’s the rush? Trying to start a cult?
  • Ms. Thomas/ Mrs. Brewer: here’s the real mystery. How does a single mom have time to snag herself a millionaire? I’d love to hear that story. What about Emily- I think that she’s really the bastard child of some Stoneybrook teenager.
  • Can someone call Child Protection Services on Mrs. Barrett? Isn’t Marni left with a three-day old diaper on her?
Posted in: bsc

27 thoughts on “Key parties and quaaludes: the parents of Stoneybrook, CT

  1. BadKat says:

    I would like to add that who the hell lets 13 year olds plan their weddings? That happened twice!

    The adults in Stoneybrook may have developmental problems that stunted their brain maturity at 13-16. Or maybe the BSC were some super-mutant aliens that acted like 47 year olds in 13 year old bodies.

  2. The Black Sheep says:

    I recently read ‘Stacey and the Bad Girls’ (oooohhh, I know) and they’re all shoplifting and going to rock concerts and sneaking booze and I was like “What the?” do thirteen year olds really do this? WTF happened to just going to the movies or going shopping?

  3. kiwimusume says:

    On bsc_snark it’s pretty much universally agreed that Seth and Lisa (Karen’s mum and stepdad at the Little House) have a very active sex life and that the reason they’re always dumping Karen and Andrew at the Big House and then fucking off before the kids have even got to the door is because they’re racing off for a dirty weekend/key party (at the Johansens’?)/sex toy expo, etc. πŸ˜›

  4. calico drive says:

    and WTF with the parents letting the bsc give them advice on how to raise their kids eg mallory and trouble with twins. lame ass.

  5. Jan says:

    OMG I always wondered why Child Protective Services was not called in the Barrett case- instead, it served as if Dawn acted as the family’s in home therapist! At age 13!
    And of course what about the Ramseys leaving Jessi in charge of Becca and Squirt for a whole weekend once? And yeah Calico what WAS up with Mal giving the Arnold parents advice on how to raise their kiddies?? GRRRRRRR

  6. Meghan says:

    The Black Sheep: I think some 13-year-olds do things like that, but I was still watching Nickelodeon at 13, so they kind of run the gamut.

    It’s interesting looking back at the BSC now. When I was younger, I thought they were so cool and grown-up, and now it’s like, “They’re 13 and 11, and act about 25!” The parents have to be up to something if tween girls are the smartest people in town.

  7. maybeimamazed02 says:

    I’m with Meghan–I was listening to showtunes, reading books, and going to the movies with my friends at 13 (I still do those things!), but some of my trashier classmates were losing their virginity and probably doing meth.

    Not only did the BSC act about 25, they LOOKED about 25 on that horrible cover art. Say what you want about the original Sweet Valley covers–at least you could usually tell which twin was which, and they looked the same from book to book.

  8. Janet says:

    Okay this bad, but what if Emily was Janine’s? Like….they lied about Emily coming from Vietnam? Janine and Charlie had Emily, and Watson adopted Emily as a coverup. Hmmm….

  9. Emily says:

    Actually, Dawn was still 12 in “Dawn and the Impossible Three,” which is when she rehabbed the Barretts. πŸ™‚

  10. Magpie says:

    Same as maybeimamazed02, some of my classmates were definitely up to all of that when I was 13. That doesn’t mean I’d have trusted them to babysit, though!

    The BSC were portrayed as 40-year-olds in these books. 40-year-olds with psychology degrees. I, on the other hand, probably still can’t be trusted to take on the responsibility of other people’s kids at the age of 24.

    I always remember that the Pikes were the most ridiculous parents ever. They had this gang of kids and didn’t seem to exercise any control over them.

  11. Diana says:

    The Pikes are a horrible example for kids. It’s like, oh, you can just bang away all you want, have tons of kids and it’ll be cool because your oldest kid along with her baby-sittin’ buddies will watch all your kids for you! Like, seriously… I thought it was pretty funny when the kids with the racist parents (from Keep Out, Claudia) asked if the Pikes were Catholic. Although I think even Mother Angelica would tell those two to use a condom…

  12. Ellen Riteman says:

    Sharen Shaefer was clearly the most intertesting person in Stoneybrook, I bet all the neighbors knew about the meth lab she had in the secret passage. She should have got her own spin-off series : (

  13. Beth says:

    Lol @ Janet!! But my own issues are as follows………..- why the fuck did Sharon EVER leave her shoe in the crisper?? Honestly, Ann M! That’s more along the lines of “unfit parent addicted to prescription pain meds”! I am pretty “scatterbrained” myself and I will cop to leaving my keys in the front door after I have unlocked it, but shoe in the fridge?? Come on…….that screams narcotics usage! Meth-mom indeed!

  14. Mehreen says:

    Sharon and the shoe was pretty odd. I remember Mary Ann got to wear blue eyeshadow for the first time in The Great Romance which she wiped off when Richard had to kiss the bride because she was too embarassed to look. I’ll admit to baby-sitting at 13, but I was a pretty mature kid (no baby parades or parenting advice though!) The Pikes introduced me to English muffin pizzas and Alzheimers. I have to say, I learned a lot from BSC! I never thought about the raunchier side of BSC, Emily being Janine’s child! Goodness, I thought it was just a nice rich family taking care of a little girl…before Angelina made it cool.

  15. Katy says:

    Much like how I realized I was a grown-up when the parents on The O.C. were more interesting to me than Marissa and Ryan, I feel like if they ever made another BSC movie or TV spin-off series, the parents would be the most interesting part.

  16. Karin from Khoury's says:

    Wait wait wait – why did she leave her shoe in the fridge>??
    I ask because I learned a long time ago that if you really need to remember something, put your shoe in the fridge – that way, you’ll remember it when you realise your shoe is in the fridge. It totally does work πŸ™‚

  17. Amber Tan says:

    “if you really need to remember something, put your shoe in the fridge – that way, you’ll remember it when you realise your shoe is in the fridge. It totally does work”

    Hee, Karin from Khoury’s! I’d wager the ‘fridge method’ to be particularly effective when you’ve got the munchies from tokin’ the chronic. πŸ˜‰

  18. Amber Tan says:

    “I am reading my theory in print now and it looks ridiculous ”

    Aw nuts! And here I was just about to give it a whirl too, KfK!

    In fact, I can already hear my beloved SO hollering, “Who the hell put MY SHOE in the fridge?!?

    Then again, he might not notice for a few days… πŸ˜‰

  19. Kellie says:

    Oh… and as for the Pikes, who the hell gets knocked up within a few months of having triplets when they’ve got a 1 yr old as well??! 4 kids under 2 isn’t enough?!?!

  20. Sara Millionaire says:

    The Black Sheep: Your comment made me laugh, because that (secretly boozing and sneaking into rock concerts) was precisely the kind of thing I was doing at around that age, and I always thought the things the BSC members were doing were unrealistic! “Pizza toasts, baby sitting, and hanging out with 11-year-olds? Do any 13-year-olds actually do that stuff?” Ha ha! I guess it goes to show it takes all kinds!

    I totally agree about Dawn’s mom — Dawn’s a “California girl,” after all, and her CA best friend Sunny’s parents were complete hippies, so it stands to reason that Sharon was a secret pothead.

  21. tygre says:

    Scary to realize that yeah, at 33 I am probably close to many of these “parents” ages — but with my 11.5 year old son (OMG same age as Mal and Jessi!), there is NO WAY he is mature enough to babysit. He can watch his sister for brief periods of time, like half an hour, but no one would hire him to watch little kids.

    When we need a sitter, we get a college student, but then my husband and I both work for universities, and they aren’t in short supply!

  22. Magpie says:

    Haha, Karin from Khoury’s theory does make a lot of sense now that I think about it. I’ve been wondering all these years why Sharon would be taking her shoes off with her feet in the crisper, such that she could absentmindedly wander off and leave them there. Which definitely makes NO sense!

  23. Anonymous says:

    “Sharen Shaefer was clearly the most intertesting person in Stoneybrook, I bet all the neighbors knew about the meth lab she had in the secret passage.”

    Ha! So the fire at Mary Anne’s house was caused by Sharon making meth.

  24. CNJ says:

    I got a kick out of Sharon’s absentmindedness. I think she was like a brilliant, but absentminded Einstein. I think Jack Shafer cheated on poor Sharon, so Sharon rightfully left him. I was disappointed that Dawn went back to Cali; I wished she’d stayed in Stoneybrook permanently; I loved it when they are all a foursome…Mary Anne, Dawn and each of their parents.

  25. DesireDoll says:

    Lisa and Seth having dirty Getaways. I don’t think so I think Seth was putting his hands down Andrew’s pajamas and that is why Karen and Andrew were always so keen to go to the ‘Big House’. After all he has a pornstache.I also don’t know why Children’s services weren’t called about livng minor children on their own at night. That stuffs illegal even when there is a thirteen year old in charge

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