Tonight’s dramatic reading of Caitlin: True Love will be performed by:
Megon Fox ………. Caitlin Ryan
Generic Abracrombie Model …………. Jed Michaels
William Zabka …………… Laurence
Anne Ramsey ………….. Regina Ryan
Freddy Highmore …………….. Ian
My Little Pony ……………… Duster
George Hamilton……………… Dr. Westlake
Oh Caitlin, thanks for picking me, despite you still being in love with Jed. I know my blond good looks and pleated chinos totally turn you on.
Yes, Laurence, you are a nice second choice. Ever since Jed dumped me for admitting that I was the one that poisoned the dean’s son and made him paralyzed, I need a distraction.
Great. Let’s go dust our mallard duck decoys and be mean to our housekeepers.
Jed! Funny running into you here! Can’t we talk?
No, bitch! ps, I’m distant and aloof.
Why won’t you talk to meeeeeeeeeeee?
You’re not who I thought you are. You poison little kids and lie about it.
Oh the agony! My only relief is riding my horse Duster.
Caitlin, can I talk to you?
No, go away! I know that we found out that you are really my father, but I have to deny myself any chance of happiness so I can heighten the drama in my life!
Ok. I’ll be back at my super successful medical practice thinking of your mother, who I didn’t even know was pregnant.
Hi Caitlin! I am glad you are spending so much time with me! It really is nice that it doesn’t seem like you have an unterior motive or anything.
Yes Ian! With the power of my goodness and reformed bitchiness, by god you will walk again!….But I must confess about what I did….I left the shed door open and you as a stupid child went in and ate chemicals, and somehow that made your legs paralyzed. That doesn’t seem to make medical sense, but it happened!
I hate you! Never talk to me again!
Yay! I am so excited to be going on this field trip! I am glad that Gradmother allowed the school to use her abandoned mining site for our picnic! Nothing can go wrong!
Yea, maybe I can get to first base with you, finally.
Sure, why don’t we take a walk and exlore some abandoned tunnels? That seems totally safe and harmless.
OK!………Hey what’s down here?
Halp! I’m trapped!
Let me help you!
Ah, now I’m stuck!
Don’t worry! I’ll save you both!
Jed! I thought you hated me!
Yes, but now that your life hangs in danger, I can’t live without you!
I love you too Jed!
Um, can someone please save me?
Oh Caitlin! For all these years I’ve withheld my love from you! But now I must tell you that I am a bitter old bitch and let’s make this about you!
My life is perfect! I’m beautiful, raven-haired, and I’ve managed everyone in my life to focus solely on me! What could POSSIBLY go wrong in my future………….