So Tricia dies a dramatic death and of course the whole Wakefield family is present, because they are the only people that matter in thw world. Tricia makes Steven promise to take care of Betsy when she is gone, because as we know, their father is the town drunk. Meaning, the only one.
Betsy is a mess and the Wakefields demand that Bets come home with them. Liz is ecstatic to heal someone and Jess is mortified because Betsy is a walking STD. I can’t stand Jessica calling Betsey a whore, but seriously, hypocrite alert! What is it that Jess does that doesn’t make her a tramp?
And, apparently, Jess is mortified that Betsy is with with them because everyone at school is talking about it, like that’s what they fucking care about. But oh yea, the school is all in a tizzy when someone writes someone else a letter. She is also pissed that Betsy is getting more attention that her. Yawn.
Bets is a mess, but wouldn’t you know, is a fabulous artist. And conveeeeeeniently, Steven has a friend who is an art teacher. And conveeeeeeeeniently there’s a scholarship to an LA art school whose deadline is fast approaching. Besty considers herself nothing more than a drunk ho and thinks that Steven’s art teacher friend is complimenting her because he wants to fool around with her, so doesn’t enter. Really, don’t flatter yourself Betsy. You have the hairstyle of Mary Jo Buttafuco. So Liz, Steven and artteacherfriend secretly submit an application for her. Isn’t that illegal?
Betsy also hangs out with the town embarassment Jerry “Crunch” McAllistar, who we are told is the one that caused Liz’s motorcycle accident. Why isn’t he in jail? Even perfect Liz had a trial and hoopla after the magic jungle prom juice.
Oh yea, Betsy is in love with Steven but then finds out about Tricia’s promise and gets mad and falls off the wagon. Steven and artteacherfriend go to Kelly’s and she’s not there, so they are all “Let’s try the Shady Lady, duh” because we know there are only two bars.
Then Betsy gets in and is all happy. And everything is solved, for now, I guess.
Oh, another pointless subplot. Winston, because he is desperate for attention, decides to declare he can eat six cafeteria grilled cheese sandwhiches in like ten seconds or something. Really, WInston, stop trying to be the goofy guy. It’s so tiring. Then he decides to try for the world record in eating pizzas at Guido’s and the news channel is there to cover it. Aren’t there tons of kidnappings in Sweet Valley that they should be covering? He eats six pizzas and I want to barf, both because I don’t eat cheese and as you know I hate wheat so I am allergic to the crust. Most pointless subplot ever.
I am going to try to redeem this horrible review with some choice quotes.
[On when he saw Tricia for the first time] Steven hoisted himself up and moved over to the edge of Tricia’s bed. “I’ll never forget”, he told her, cupping his large hands around her pale face. “When I close my eyes, I can see exactly the way you looked, splashing your feet in the ocean and trying to catch raindrops on your tongue. While everyone else on the beach ran as fast as they could to get out of the rain, I joined you at the water’s edge.” [This sounds like a sixth grader trying to write a romance novel. Ugh. Hack.]
Ned and Alice Wakefield rushed to their son’s side, Elizabeth and Jessica at their heels. Gently Mr. Wakefield loosened Betsy’s grip on Steven and hugged her to his own powerful chest. “I think what this young lady needs right now is a warm bed and a solid night’s sleep.” [Ugh, inapprop much? Ned wants to git some.]
Jessica: “Did you hear who was [at Miller’s Point] with Betsy Martin last week?” “Jess, give her a break, won’t you?” Elizabeth’s light mood vanished instantly. “Charlie Cashman AND Jim Sturbridge, that’s who. Both of them at the same time. What do you think of that?” [Did they actually mean a THREESOME? If so, this is monumental.]
“That tramp” Jessica moaned, “has moved into my house!” “No!” exclaimed Lila. How positively awful- having to share your home with such low-class trash. Why, are stable boy has more class than Betsy Martin.”[ Lila is so Nellie Olsen sometimes. ]
And now for more Todd gay talk: “Suit yourself,” Bruce shrugged. “And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a bit of romancing to do myself.” He took off after a tall, statuesque brunette. “Poor girl” Elizabeth commented. “Oh, I wouldn’t necessarily feel sorry for her. Some people go for arrogance. And anyway, Bruce IS handsome.” [Show me teenage boys that use the worlds handsome and romancing, seriously.]
And this image just made me laugh: “Todd spun Elizabeth around in the air, putting her down with a flourish. They made a perfect team as they danced under the flashing strobe lights, Elizabeth’s smooth, graceful movements complementing Todd’s more playful style.”