ear piercing fetish


Many of you mentioned this as a memorable BSC book, so I decided to reread it. In fact, my parents just camr to visit me from Florida, and before they came I insisted they go up in the attic, search through my huge collection of old books, and bring it with them on the plane. Thanks mom!

This one was fucking overloaded with outfit descriptions. I guess when the BSC ghostwriters get stuck, they just describe every detail of someone’s outfit.

All Mal wants to do is get her ears pierced and to look “cooler” and pierced ears are her gateway to cool world. In fact, she goes to the mall just to watch people get their ears pierced and salivates. Until Margo almost throws up. That girl sure did vomit a lot.

Mallory is always so intimidated by the rest of the BSC. Kristy maybe because she’s a cold hearted beast, but she is really in awe of Claudia, mostly because she dresses like a mental patient. And Dawn because she’s so unique. Remember how every five seconds we had to hear how unique Dawn was? If she was so unique, why did she always settle for being Maryanne’s OTHER best friend? Also, I can’t believe that Mal and Jessi are ELEVEN! Would someone really leave their kid with an eleven year old?

Mallory is obsessed with pierced ears, so much that at the BSC meeting she practically orgasms over the earrings present. “Claudia was wearing earrings that looked like little red sneakers….Dawn had clip on turquoise triangles.” How Golden Girls of her.

Oh yea, plot. Mal gets a regular job sitting for the Arnold twins who are totally identical and their deranged mother dresses them identically but they are really pissed because they want their own identities. And they get snotty with Mal until she buys them birthday presents that are catered to their individual interests and that makes them like her and she helps them talk to their mother about it. Because all parents love eleven year olds how to raise their children. But that gives Mal the chutzpa to talk about her own parents about her need to look cooler, and they let her pierce her ears and cut her hair and buy clothes with her own money. oooo, how rebellious.

Fuck plot. Back to the outfits.

We get lots of twin outfit descriptions. “Both girls were wearing blue kilts with straps that went over the shoulders [as opposed to under?], white blouses with lace edging and collars and sleeves, white knee socks, and black patent leather Mary Jane shoes. Their brown hair was cut in a bowl shape, framing their faces, and each twin had a blue headband with a blue bow on the side of it.”

Mrs. Arnold dresses like an Orlando prostitute: “In a moment a fussy-looking woman came down the stairs. Do you know what I mean by fussy? I mean, everything about her was too much and too cute. She was wearing two necklaces, a pin, bracelets on each wrist, rings, earrings, and even an ankle bracelet. Her stockings were lacey, and she was, well, as Claud might have said, overly accessorized. [Claud should talk.] There were bows on her shoes, a bow on her belt, a bow in her hair, and a bow at the neck of her blouse. Her sweater was beaded and she hadn’t forgotten to pin a fake rose to it. Whew! As for cute, her earrings were in the shape of ladybugs, one of her necklaces spelled her name- Linda- in gold script, her pin was in the shape of a mouse, and the bow in her hair was a ribbon with a print of tiny ducks on it.”

Mallory gets a hard on exaaming the BSC’s outfits during the meeting. Claudia: “Her long hair was fixed in about a million tiny braids which were pulled back behind her head with a column of puffy ponytail holders. She was wearing a T-shirt she painted herself, tight blue pants that ended just past her knees, push down socks, and no shoes. From her ears dangled small baskets of fruit. She’d made those, I knew. She’s found the baskets and the fruits at a store that sells miniatures. Claudia amazes me.” I don’t understand, was the word capri pants not invented yet?

“Maryanne was wearing a short, plum-colored skirt over a plum-and-white-striped body suit. The legs of the bodysuit stopped just above her ankles, [as opposed to past her ankles?] and she’s tucked the bottoms into her socks. The neat thing about the outfit was that she was wearing suspenders.” Maryanne was wearing a bodystocking? I just can’t picture it. What a pain to deal with when you have to pee.

Mallory would copy Dawn’s entire outfit. “Dawn was wearing oversized (really oversized) blue shirt. [yes nothing more flattering than making youself look like a potato sack.]One of the coolest things about it was that it was green inside, so that when she turned the collar down and rolled the sleeves up, you could see those nice touches of green at her neck and wrists. She was wearing a green skirt- and clogs. I’d never seen a person actually wearing clogs, just photos of people in Sweden.” Dawn is SO ORIGINAL!!!! Haven’t you heard?

Mal takes the twins to the mall to get their new clothes. One of the twins gets a Jean skirt and ruffly white blouse. The other gets a sweatshirt with gold moon and stars on it, and “cool jeans”. Whaddya gonna do, they’re eight. Come to think of it, Mallory is eleven, only three years older than the kids she sits. While at the mall, Mallory buys blue push-down socks and has an aneurysm she is so excited. Does she mean slouch socks? Those are cool and her mother didn’t buy her those previously? Remember when you wore about three pairs at once and then your shoes wouldn’t fit?

She also buys earrings for herself and Jessi that look like open books. And she wants her ears pierced to be cool? I may as well buy a tapestry vest with cats embroidered on it.

Later the BSC accompany Jessi and Mal to the mall when they get their ears pierced. Claudia gets a second hole in one ear and Dawn calls her mom to get permission, and her mom lets fer get two in each ear. Probably because her Mom was drunk and was busy storing her shoes in the fridge. Mallory also gets her haircut to be short and fluffy. Um, cool?

Kristy is such an asshole during meetings. And she wears a fucking visor. Unless she is a banker from the 1940s, that is ridiculous. And Claudia eating all the junkfood and being skinny? I hate that.

I kind of forgot about the BSC notebook, which is ridiculous and such a waste of time. And we get some obnoxious entires that were written by two sitters that read like a dialogue. “Wow this was the worst sitting job ever!” “You can say that again!” “It was crazy!” “I know!” I’m paraphrasing, but still.

Claudia sits for the Arnold twins once and she hates them. “Malery, you can have the twines,” she writes. First of all, what kind of moron can’t even spell their friend’s name? And I am so over her bad spelling. Seriously, mom and Dad, get her a fucking tutor.

And with that, I am off to start reading the 6 new Caitlin books I just got in the mail. Life is good.

UPDATE: If you want to see Claudia Kishi’s impact on fashion, read some Blue States Lose columns from Gawker.

Posted in: bsc

55 thoughts on “ear piercing fetish

  1. Nancy says:

    ‘Her long hair was fixed in about a million tiny braids which were pulled back behind her head with a column of puffy ponytail holders’

    Wtf? A column?! Jesus. Worst hair description for Claudia ever.

    I fucking hate Mallory. And Dawn. Oh screw it. I hated all those bitches (although Maryann was marginally less annoying).

    Viva le Saddle Club!

  2. Merrie says:

    Claudia was my favorite sitter, but I swear the ghostwriters just made things up for her to wear as the series progressed.

    And I hate to admite it, but I think one of the reasons my ear are pierced several times is because of BSV. Darn you, Ann M. Martin!

    This cover is the shows most normal looking/least nerd-like Mallory Pike. It’s all downhill from here, Mal. Sorry.

  3. Beth says:

    “Probably because her Mom was drunk and was busy storing her shoes in the fridge.”- priceless! For some strange reason, the shoe in the fridge was my most vivid memory of Dawn’s mom. Even at age 10, I was like WTF?? and I so totally hated the Claud’s spelling bullshit! She’s 13 for God’s sake! I could spell girl by the time I was four and she can’t even wrap her “artistic” brain around the word “the”….dumbass…..Also, thanks to the BSC, I had a horrendous collection of stupid earrings. The worst (or maybe the best) was my silver spider with black beads for the body in one ear and the silver web in the other. I think I also had some version of the open book ones….fucking Ann M!

  4. Ashleyy says:

    what??? i thought the caitlin series only had three books!!!

    Where did you find those? and how can I get some???

    and i hated Mallory the most out of them all, except for maybe Kristy. God, what a bitch she always was.

  5. Jen S says:

    I never read the BSC books but I had to comment on Mrs. Arnold: WTF is up with that outfit? An Orlando prostitute who’s an ESCAPED MENTAL PATIENT.

  6. RollingStone says:

    I’d love to see Ann Martin’s closet. That woman obviously had a *clothes* fetish. When the outfit descriptions went on and on, I always wanted to yell at her to get on with the damn story already.

  7. BurtonFanatic says:

    I was always confused by this one because in most of the books, the Pike parents were described as taking a lax approach to parenting… the kids didn’t have bed times, they didn’t have to eat what they didn’t like, etc… but then this one made them sound controlling.

  8. Lemur says:

    Ahhhh, yes. I remember this one. Sadly, I attended Catholic school and thought this is how public school kids dressed. Thankfully, I had some friends who disabused me of this notion. Also, WTF is up with MA’s outfit? And were suspenders ever really cool?

    Oh … and a skirt with straps that come over the shoulders = jumper. Wore a blue plaid v-neck one for 7th and 8th grade. Fucking sucked, especially when you throw in a Peter Pan collar.

  9. Robyn says:

    I would love to hunt down one of these ghostwriters and find out where they came up with these positively heinous outfit ideas.

    Where or where can we find A BSC ghostwriter? Or, for that matter, an SVH ghostwriter to tell us why Jessica was such a psychpath?

  10. Kristin says:

    I remember this one so vividly. I am ashamed to admit that I was also totally obsessed with earrings when I was ten or eleven. So the passages about her looking at everyone’s earrings stuck in my brain.

    That said, I don’t think you could get your ears pierced without your parents being there, even back then. Could you?

  11. Stacie says:

    I’m so confused. What is a body suit? I’m envisioning a leotard-like thing with legs. Where do you pin the suspenders?

    So Mary Anne is effectively wearing leggins as pants, which we all no is a no-no, and therefore displaying the outlines of her business to the world. No wonder Logan stuck around.

  12. Renee says:

    Mrs. Arnold sounds like a complete tool. Her outfit was atrocious and if I ever saw someone walking down the street looking like her I would want to bash her in the head. I have no idea why that outfit makes me so violent, but it does lol. It’s like the writers just started making shit up and didn’t even try to make it realistic…”oh lets put bows everywhere, now add some ducks and a ladybug and a fucking dog and a spider and a grasshopper…and don’t forget the ankle bracelet with lacey stockings” WTF?!

    And why would mallory who has super curly red hair cut it short and fluffy. I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but that sounds like a no no. I have curly hair and I don’t go any shorter than shoulder length. Unless she’s gonna use product and kind of have like a short, curly pixie cut then that’s one thing, but I’m picturing a red, scary, ronald mcdonald FRO!

  13. fast times at sweet valley high says:

    My most embarassing earrings – a pair of records sticking out of replicas of the “Forever Your Girl” album cover.

    Oh, the shame.

    I always wondered why Claud’s parents never got her tested for dyslexia. And I never understood why Mal’s parents would get all anal about letting her get her ears pierced, or buying pushdown socks, but was perfectly fine leaving 7 kids 10 and under in her and Jessi’s care..wtf??

    Seriously, Mrs. Arnold’s outfit description made her sound like a lunatic. I cried a little inside.

  14. Cheryl Slade says:

    The mom’s description kind of reminds me of Lindsay Lohan for some reason. For that matter, Claudia’s outfits wouldn’t be out of place on an Olsen twin, either.

  15. Kates says:

    Ohhhhhh man this was my favorite book in the world when I was 11 and obsessed with getting my ears pierced. I have JOURNAL entries written about how Mallory got to get her ears pierced and now I was 11 and so I deserved it, too. Gah. Then I freaking got them pierced and my ears are allergic to every metal in the history of the world so they get crazy swollen if I dare to wear earrings. Thanks a lot, Mallory.

  16. amandahugnkiss says:

    Dude, I totally wanted Mary Anne AND Dawn’s outfits. My grandma had a pair of clogs that belonged to her grandma, and I wanted to wear them, even though they were too big, super heavy wood, and my mom and her siblings had carved their names in them. [hangs head in shame]

    Also, I LOVED the earring exchange at the end. And Mallory’s hair always sounded heinous to me. Frizzy short hair? Yeah, I did that in 8th grade and looked like a poodle. Thanks, Ann.

  17. athenasmom says:

    The outfit descriptions in this book ruled. They ruled!

    Mrs. Arnold could write the book on screwing up your children for life:

    Step 1: Give your identical twins names that rhyme
    Step 2: Dress your identical twins alike.
    Step 3: Hire the Mallory to baby-sit.

  18. Trina says:

    My most embarrassing earrings are actually quasi-relevant: though pierced, they were turquoise triangles (!!!) dangling from these salmon-pink things that looked like parentheses. And yes, I rocked them. Thank you allowance + Claire’s Boutique!

    Also – did they even *make* socks in the 80’s that weren’t slouchy? My parents seemed (at the time) determined to make us uncool, and even *we* had “push down” socks!

  19. Rachel K says:

    Add me to the list of people who had a stash of Claudia-inspired earrings; I had sunflowers, watermelons, dice, you name it.

    I remember that in a later BSC book the “cool” Arnold twin got her hair cut in a horrendous quasi-mullet. Of course the fashionista sitters dubbed the cut “totally chilly.”

  20. upstatestruggler says:

    ann m. martin + claire’s boutique + the limited’s jewelry rack+ apple paperbacks +1989=
    totally worked on me. I had a pair of earrings that were metal cows. dangling from one cow- and just one cow [weren’t those times lopsided, what with the side ponytail? ‘wave’ teased bangs? different colored socks?] had a chicken, a pig, and some other barnyard animal dangling from it by beaded chains. these were not small earrings.
    the sad part is, I still live in the town I grew up in. sometimes over holidays and stuff, when I run into people, they call me out on my fine jewelry collection. “hey, aren’t you the girl that wore the crazy earrings?”

    I also had a flag outfit. jean shorts with cuffs that had stars on one side and stripes on the other leg. sam & libbys in a flag print. I wore these with a blue tee layered over a red tee and rolled sleeves and HUGE white star earrings.
    ihatewheat, you should have a page for us to describe our fave/least fave outfits. maybe with photos for the daring! I have a coupla doozies…

  21. Kathryn says:

    I had some pretty horrible earrings, too. A few pairs were miniature Troll dolls wearing outfits to signify holidays, athletics, etc. I’m amazed I didn’t get my ass kicked.

  22. Danielle says:

    Holy crap! Sam & Libbys! Man, coming to this site is totally an excerise in induced-middle-school-flashbacks for me. I think I had a pair of Sam & Libbys in every color (“But Mo-om! They’re the only shoes that are cool!”).

    I remember reading this book, and some of the details, but what sticks out the most in my mind is how damn ugly those twins are. Seriously, they’re the most fucking ugly kids ever.

    @Fast Times at Sweet Valley High — I can beat you on Forever Your Girl dorkitude: I once skated an “exhibition” ice skating program to FYG in acid-washed jeans and a pleather jacket, while using a FRAMED TIGERBEAT PAGE OF MATTHEW NELSON as my prop. I neglected to choreograph the damn thing, so I basically did as much of the video’s choreography as I could remember (on ice skates, mind) and maybe one spin, without any other actual skating jumps or footwork of any kind. I think I even lip-synched (lip-syanch?).

    I managed to come in second. In a field of two. My mom has this humiliating moment on video somewhere, but thankfully, I think she’s forgotten.

  23. S says:

    I loved how their emotional maturity could solely be measured by what clothes they wore. I’d like to be able to say that that never made an impression on me, but that would be a lie. Sigh.

  24. Ellen Riteman says:

    I never read this book. I had a deep hatred for Mallory or Malery, so Hello, Mallory was the first and last I read. I was a Stacey purist. How dare they replace her with the nerd herd 11 yr olds.
    Oh and Dawn was always my second fave, which I’m now finding out the rest of the planet wanted her stabbed. It stings a little….

  25. greer says:

    This was my favorite BSC book for like, ten years, because of all the outfit descriptions and the “malling” and the ear piercing…

  26. MG says:

    Add me to the guilty list of having earrings like Claudia. I had cacti, fish, fruit, oh the list goes on.

    Mallory sucks at life

  27. Maybe I'll Catch Fire says:

    I feel left out. I only had gold studs, as those were the only earrings my school permitted.

  28. Sara Millionaire says:

    I had a pair that were dangly dalmatians, with neon pink, blue, and purple spots, wearing turquoise sunglasses. oh my god, I thought they were BEYOND. I bought them at Claire’s (natch) before I even had my ears pierced. when I did get my ears pierced (I believe I was 9 or 10) you better believe those studs came out prematurely to accommodate the be-shaded dalmatians.

    of course, I should talk — today I’m wearing long ’70s earrings that feature gold peacocks perched in gold hoops, so I guess my lesson has yet to be learned!

  29. audrey says:

    Mallory is totally Enid. She was always my least favourite. I’m sorry, it requires too big a suspension of disbelief that parents would let their kids be babysat by 11 year olds, even if they’re only ‘junior members’.

    Also, didn’t anyone else think Mallory looked like a 43 year old teacher on the cover of that book? It confused me greatly when I was a child.

  30. Malika says:

    @Ellen Riteman… No, you weren’t the only one… Dawn was my favourite one too. Mainly, because i could relate to moving from one place to a radically different other ( South of Spain… North of Holland.. ) But looking back at it now, i can’t imagine why she kept being shown off as ‘individual’ when there was nothing truly original about her. Prime example: in one book ( The one where Mary Anne gets off with Logan in a sanitized manner) everyone arrives at a Halloween party in full costume whereas Dwan puts on a funny plastic nose. Indiavidual, according to Ann m Martin. Bone bloody lazy according to Malika.

  31. Cara Walker says:

    Ann M. Martin philosophy –

    One must be a vegetarian from California to be individual (stereotype much?).

    Individual means doing lame ass things like wearing a plastic nose to a Halloween party (thanks, Malika – you cracked me up with that!).

    Individual means wearing some truly dreadful outfits. I always thought that the BSC members were suffering from the same colour blindness affliction.

    Yeah – I never understood why anyone would hire an eleven year old to babysit their kids. Heck, who would even hire a 13 year old?

    Ellen Riteman – Stacey was my favourite, too – even though she was a bit of a snobby “I’m from New York so I’m more sophisticated than you” type. Mallory and Jessi were easily my least liked – mainly because they were as boring as all bat shit…

  32. Lois Waller says:

    Is the model in the body stocking pic the whiny, boyfriend-obsessed Nicole from the first season of America’s Next Top Model?

    And yes, I agree that the Arnold twins are as fug as I remember!

  33. Lois Waller says:

    Oh, and didn’t the Arnold twins have their own special twin language? I think I remember that, but I haven’t read this book in at least 15 years, so my memory is fuzzy.

  34. Roxy says:

    YES! They had their own twin language, but it was just made-up stuff they used to confuse Mallory. I remember this book so vividly because Mallory taught the twins Pig Latin and I went around speaking it for months, thinking that no one could understand what I was saying. God, I was such a dork.

    And oh, a couple of years ago I made disco-ball earrings out of Christmas ornaments. Thanks, Ann.

  35. Rei Ant says:

    I think you’ve just pin-pointed my continuing obsession with wearing oversized shirts/jumpers. Thankfully, not with clogs. Though I did like clogs about, y’know 10years ago.

    I haven’t touched a BSC book in ages, but I remember this one quite clearly – those outfits, the ugly cover twins, wandering what “push-down” socks were and, why Mallory was so obsessed with getting her ears pierced…

    Now,I think back on it, the ghost writer wrote far better then he should of, being it was for an eleven year old. Perhaps that’s why it never bothered me that she was only three years older then the kids she was babysitting. Why was Mallory the only one with a problem with age differences? (“they [the bsc before she was invited to join] used to be babysit us!”) – I would have been pretty peeved with a girl that young babysitting me.

  36. paige says:

    Sadly, I’m still obsessed with big earrings and earrings made out of miniatures. I totally had fruit earrings, parrot earrings, tiny sandal earrings, you name it, back when I was in 5th grade.

  37. Nathalie says:

    OK reading your “Malery, you can have the twines” remark in the recap made realize that you MUST create LOLClaud remarks.

    I can haz clock swehtur?

  38. Allison says:

    My most embarrassing earrings were a very large pair of wooden elephants. I wore them frequently, unfortunately.

  39. Stefanie says:

    I totally copied my outfits and earrings from the BSC. I wanted to be Dawn or Stacey SO BAD that I even named all of my dolls Dawn or Stacey. The sad thing is…I read them and copied them in the mid-90’s…so maybe I looked more ridiculous than most. lol.
    And when I got my bellybutton pierced when I was 16, I think I had BSC flashbacks because I have bellybutton rings with all kinds of ridiculous charms on them.

  40. Jan says:

    OK, when I was, like, 11, I soooo wanted those book earrings Mal described how lame is that??
    And GOD the twins look FUG as hell!

  41. notemily says:

    I have a pair of earrings that are shaped like LIFE-SIZED orange slices. I’m too embarrassed to ever wear them, plus they are fucking heavy, but… they’re there, hiding in the back of my jewelry drawer. I blame Claudia.

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