Ads for the Caitlin Love Trilogy series starting appearing in the back of the SVH books and I was foaming at the mouth to read them. Of course, because they took place at a boarding school. And you all know how I feel about boarding schools.
The cover I found was the one pictured above, but I remember the copy I owned way back when had an actualy photograph of Caitlin, and I remember she was wearing a white peasant shirt and had a huge need for some hot oil treatment.
Well, well, where can I even start to explain the intense, complex entity that is Caitlin Ryan? Think Jessica Wakefield, but brunette (oh sorry- “raven-haired”) and a trust fund. Caitlin goes to Highgate Academy, a waspy boarding school in rural Virginia. She was raised by her grandmother after her parents died when she was a baby. Grams is a mining magnate and is killing the earth one day at a time. Grams is not very affectionate towards Caitlin because Caitlin killed her mother by coming out of her.
Caitlin’s family had a long history of owning plantations, and that is supposed to impress us?
Because Caitlin lives a loveless, but materialistic life, she is looking for that one man that will fulfill her life. I think that Francine decided that this makes for a romantic story, but seriously, for me, it translates to Caitlin needing the admiration of others and attention from boys to validate herself. Not very romantic. Kind of sad. Good one, Francine.
Jed Michaels is the new guy from Montana, and he is extremely bland and has kind of an accent. In other words, Caitlin is getting her panties in a twist over him. However, he doesn’t fall at her feet so what the fuck is wrong with him? His cousin Emily is also at Highgate and they have a friend Diana Chasen who is a SCHOLARSHIP GIRL!!! Oooooh, I’ll bet she wears ragged pants and has dirt smeared on her face. She’s also ultra shy, and Jed feels protective of her. Caitlin gets really annoyed about this, but to tell you the truth, I’m kind of on her side. Diana like, needs someone to cut her meat for her.
Caitlin has a super special magical party at Grams’ house one weekend under the guise of nabbing Jed, but Diana gets all needy and he spends the time with her. Caitlin is all pissed because she put on her best leather pantsuit for him. Yes, that’s what she wore.
She also tries to nab Jed by taking him riding and having the world’s most boring conversations with him. Seriously, I have more game than Caitlin. There’s also a lot of horse talk in this one, I guess to appeal to girls with the generalization that girls love horses. Fun fact: I hate horses, always have. In fact, I may have a little phobia. I don’t like animals that are bigger than humans, I feel like they could overcome humans in a matter of minutes.
At one point Caitlin gets pissed because Jed seems to be paying more attention to her horse than him. Fuck.
There’s also a pointless fundraiser that Caitlin puts on, which is a male beauty pageant. The guys dress as farmers and Napoleon and other gay stuff. One guy does drag and he of course wins. You all know how I feel about using drag for comedy, so I’m not touching that.
Are you ready for the big drama? Diana babysits for the headmaster because the school has to further alienate her by parading her socioeconomic status around. Caitlin goes to borrow a pitchfork for the pageant and leaves the shed open on the family’s property and the kid goes in and eats poison wheat or something. So the kid is on a coma and Diana is so ashamed she drops out of school and rumor has it she’s in…public school! Oh the horror! Caitlin doesn’t tell anyone she was responsible because she’ll never get Jed in her clutches.
BUT! Since Caitlin is acting all mopey and depressed about her guilt, that only makes Jed want her MORE! So, the moral of the story is, if you are beautiful, you’ll always get your way no matter what. Jed and Caitlin have a picnic, swap some spit, and then are throwing out the “I love yous” after about five minutes.
She decides not to tell Jed about her secret because she’s a narcissistic maniac and decides its more important to have his attention than to come clean. Hundred bucks say that at some later book he finds out.
Caitlin’s house: “Caitlin noticed the three of them looking around the impressive interior, taking in the beauty of the high-ceilinged hall with its crystal chandelier, the graceful, curving staircase, the priceless oil paintings on the walls, the Persian carpet on the gleaming marble floor, the Chippendale side chairs, and Hepplewhite ball table.” Wow, twelve year olds really care about Chippendale chairs.
Jed’s taking lessons from Patman!
“I love you, Jed.” She let him pull her closer, and his mouth covered hers, she was enveloped again in a dizzying cloud of happiness, until his hand slid slowly , gently over her breast and down the curve of her hip. She tensed. The subtle pressure of his hand made her aware of where they were heading. Racy!
“Caitlin drew her fingers through her long, black hair, pulling it away from her face in a way she knew was becoming, yet seemed terribly innocent.” Isn’t Caitlin a peach?