Good lord, the BSC has gone to shit

I’ve pretty purposefully chosen not to do BSC books on this site for the sake of time and because there are already several good sites out there for it. But, I managed to get this one for 99 cents at a used book store. And you know what? I want my money back.

So I never read the mysteries when I was into the BSC, and now I know why. I never cared about the mysteries, I was more interested in the boys, the ballet dancing, and the diabetes. But this…was the most horrendous piece of literature I have ever read. Wtf? I know at this point Anne M.’s ghostwriters were pooping out BSC books like crazy but seriously, was she still okay with putting her name on this?

I could probably make a better cover using Windows paint. And the caption “It’s a mystery with nine lives.” What does that even meeeeeeaaan? So the plot, I guess, is that there is an old house in Kristy’s neighborhood that is burglarized by the titular cat burglar, who draws a cat on the mailbox at every crime scene as his “calling card”. Kristy and her frenemy Cary Reitlin are there at the time and investigate more. The house belongs to Reinhard Golem, some pervy old guy who invites the kids in and actually calls Kristy several times later to ask her to help solve the mystery. What is that about? Krsity also brags that she and the club are really good at solving crimes around the neighborhood so the old guy who owns the house that was burlgarized enlists them in helping them solve the mystery. I know…so stupid.Turns out he was the one planning the whole thing and also tried to use the kids to try and frame a local police officer. He also holds the kids hostage for a bit. It actually turns out that Kristy and company actually made the situation WORSE by being involved, but they still get a fucking key to the city of Stoneybrook for helping out.

This didn’t even read like a BSC book, the emotions were so detached and the story was stupid. I have to go back and read Logan Likes Mary Anne to rekindle my BSC luv. We get all the secriptions of the club at the beginning, but they are BARELY in it, so what’s the point? Also, along with their useless BSC notebook, they also have a mystery notebook where they keep track of clues of all the mysteries they are working on. I KNOW! SO FUCKING STOOOPID!

Oh, Ranheim calls Kristy at home to chat about the clues. Can her parents please monitor their phone calls? Or are they too busy rolling around in Watson’s millions and adopting Vietnamese babies?

They work with Seargant Johnson who they know well and is their friend. That is so inappropriate. I don’t care how good someone is with kids, when an adult is friends with a kid they are not related to, it’s just WEIRD and INAPPROPRIATE. In fact, when he thinks he is being framed, he shows up at Kristy’s house to ask for help. If you need a thirteen year old’s help with this, he should NOT be carrying a gun or a badge.

Also, Andrew, Kristy’s little stepbrother, now lives with his mother. What happened there?

Of course, there are the obligatory chapters on their babysitting exploits. Charlotte Johannsen decides to go all Harriet the Spy and spy on the people in her neighborhood. And her sitters not only let her, but go with her! Even after acknowledging that in Harriet the whole thing blows up in her face! So I don’t have to tell you what happens…that Charotte’s friends get mad at her for spying on them.

I never read the ones where Abby showed up, but I gotta tell ya, she doesn’t seem all that bright. And kind of annoying.

Viva la original BSC!

Seriously, the mysteries SUCK.

Posted in: bsc

18 thoughts on “Good lord, the BSC has gone to shit

  1. Laura says:

    You completely read my mind. The only thing that could be worse than this is the BSC Super Special where they go to “Europe” (ie England and Paris) and every cliche is used – Abby meets the queen, Mallory is related to Shakespeare, Stacey buys clothes from the ridiculously expensive Harrods…The ghostwriters blatantly don’t care by this stage!

    Abby *is* quite annoying, I think because she arrived so late in the piece she is less developed and all they can do with her is throw a ton of awful puns into the mix.

    A Mystery Notebook? Because I completely remember being thirteen, and thinking “I should really prepare for all the mysterious adventures I am bound to encounter and subsequently solve even though I am THIRTEEN and not a police detective.”

    Anyway enough snark and really sorry this turned into a novel of a comment…Ah, Logan Loves Mary Anne – the good old days, when Mary Anne had to do something more than say hello for the narrator to exclaim “That’s Mary Anne for you. She is soooooo sensitive.”

  2. Amber Tan says:

    “Reinhard Golem, some pervy old guy who invites the kids in and actually calls Kristy several times later to ask her to help solve the mystery.”

    Eeeewww. I’ve never delved into the BSC series so this book is totally new territory for me. It sounds atrocious in every way.

    But…the name Reinhard Golem? Seriously? It’s like the ghost writers were trying to come up with an appropriately pervy name for the bad guy and got into a “Germans are eeeeee-vil” and “I was just reading Isaac Bashevis Singer* last night” metaphysical rant that lasted all night and the convo turned out “Hey, dude! Let’s call him, REINHARD GOLEM.” “Yeah, man, that’ll freak ’em but good.”

    And this is 1,000% inappropriate and creepy:

    “They work with Sergeant Johnson who they know well and is their friend.”

    Hmmm…just how well do these 13 year old girls know Office (Over)friendly? And again the name choice sounds a little strange to to me, even vaguely pornographic. “Oh, look, honey! Netflix has ‘Sergeant Johnson’. Let’s put it on our list!”

  3. greer says:

    Andrew is living with his mother because Seth (who is a CARPENTER by the way) gets a job in Chicago and has to live there for six months. Originally Karen was supposed to be there too, but she couldn’t stand being away from Stoneybrook so she abandoned Andrew.

    I like how this is one where they finally sit down and decide that getting involved with solving mysteries is dangerous. Never mind the time where they were stalked by the deranged son of an embezzler/dognapper they put behind bars. Or the multiple other times where their lives were in danger.

  4. Laura says:

    Second only to the other most crime-filled town in America – Sweet Valley. Furthermore, haven’t they had about 27 other books covering cat-napping already?

  5. Magenta Galaxy says:

    Why are these kids never arrested for obstruction of justice, tampering with an investigation, or anything like that? If possible, the BSC mysteries are even worse than the SVH ones.

  6. Genevieve says:

    stupid Abby. The one where her twin has scoliosis and Abby totally humiliates her by treating her like a freak of nature is when my Abby dislike solidified

  7. janeprimrose says:

    I don’t care how good someone is with kids, when an adult is friends with a kid they are not related to, it’s just WEIRD and INAPPROPRIATE.
    Do you count friends of your parents as ‘unrelated’? When I was growing up I considered my parents’ friends my friends too, and I benefited a lot from that support network. I was confident about talking to adults, asking them for help, learning from them. Parents need to keep an eye on these interactions and be sure that their own friends are trustworthy, of course, but you don’t have to be a kid’s relative to be friends with said kid without any evil motives.
    With that said, I always thought the mystery ones were beyond stupid. Bring on the diabetes.

  8. calico drive says:

    this one reminds me of BSC forever friends kristy and the kidnappers – which i also found highly lame. i agree every1. BSC mysteries sucked the higher the numbers go. ditto super specials. i mean you cant go past the classic BSC Special #1 BSC on Board. ah the classy Parker who gave Dawn the unicorn charm. Kristy making friends with old Mr Staples. Karen being a C**T as usual and dissapearing and getting a manicure. as for BSC in USA and BSC meeting the queen and shit bah. crap. i reccomend the classics 13 Goodbye stacey goodbye 31 dawns wicked stepsister 9 the ghost at dawns house 10 logan likes maryanne 18 staceys mistake etc etc. stick with the low numbers:_)

  9. Linared says:

    There is very much a BSC hierarchy . The first 35 books or so, are pretty good. The next 50 are starting to get lousy but enjoyable to mock. The rest are too lousy to mock.

  10. Emily says:

    Wait – I was reading some older posts, and it mentioned that there was a SVH book with an ACTUAL GAY CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!!! Can you please do a snark-fest on it, because I can totally imagine them being as bad about that as they were about suicide (it’s all your fault is you attempt suicide).

    Also, I totally love your blog.

  11. Magpie says:

    I used to read the BSC only when there weren’t any Sweet Valley books left in the local library for me to borrow. I completely agree that the first books were by far superior, and I only read maybe two of the mysteries, because they were TERRIBLE. Everything went downhill once Mallory and Jessi joined the BSC!

  12. LucyLou says:

    Linared, the first 35 or so were written by Ann M. Martin. Hence why they’re better. Anytthing after that is ghostwriter-city and varies in quality.

    Abby could have been good, but ont enough effort was put in her character.

    And what carpenter moves to another city temporarily for their job? The F***?

  13. Diane says:

    Yeah I almost never read the mysteries. I really did enjoy the first “Super Mystery,” however. It was set in New England (I want to say Maine but I’m not positive) and the BSC go as mother’s helpers or something to visit some friend of Watson’s who has just purchase a huge mansion on the seaside. I believe it comes with a light house, too. All sorts of shady things happen, and it’s actually kind of awesome. I especially remember Claudia having an awesome outfit that involved earrings made from pieces of an old chandelier. What can I say, I loved my chandelier earrings, even as a ten-year-old.

  14. Laura says:

    Diane, I liked that book too, I think Claudia was mentioned wearing some kind of red and pink jumpsuit that sounded exactly like one my friend had…which I then wanted sooo bad. Plus Claudia got a romance with a hot older guy – very exciting to an eleven year old LOL. And the mystery is actually kind of mysterious!

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