The one that is a big commercial for a Ouiji Board or Super Thriller: Deadly Summer

I have been reluctant to do a Super Thriller, because I remember them being tedious and quite frankly, not all that scary. I was RIGHT!

The timeline of this one is blowing my mind! So it’s summer, AGAIN. But Liz is dating Jeffrey, in the summer. But didn’t Todd move back to SV before the end of the school year? Was this before or after they spent the summer in Malibu? Or after the big bike trip? My head is exploding! Also, the twins are interning at the Sweet Valley News. Why would Jessica even want to do that? And wouldn’t she get fired during her first day? Also, what the hell really happens in Sweet Valley? But the office is always bustling like it’s the Daily Planet or something.

The first half of the book doesn’t have much thrill in it. Elizabeth chided Lila for believing in a Ouji board, and Lila was pissed and plans to get back at Liz for being a condescending asshole. You and me both, Li. She and Jess plan to trick Liz into making her scared of the Ouji board by haing it predict things that will actually happen. The big Endless Summer concert is postponed, and they lead her to believe that the Ouji predicted it. Then Jess reads one of Jeffreys letters to Liz and has it predict that. Soon Liz is believing it and getting freaked out and Lila is loving every moment of it. And so am I- Liz being made the fool is okay in my book.

They also trick Liz into believing that Bruce is dying of an unnamed illness, so of course Liz is going to jump in and comfort him and act like Mother Teresa because she can’t resist “saving” someone. Bruce finds out about Jessica and Lila’s plan, and totally hams it up to manipulate Liz into fooling around with him. He’s actually a little bit hilarious. Liz seems to forget the whole coma-forced-intercourse thing. Jeffrey finally arrives home and is super jealous that Bruce and Liz are spending time together. (Jeffrey had been working as a camp counselor in San Francisco. I think that means he was camping it up in San Francisco, if you know what I mean. Wink. ) The folks who wrote Almost Married should have read the other books first to realize that the Liz/Bruce romance thing had already been done.

Okay, we finally get the the Super Thriller part. Some guy is an escaped from a mental insitution. When he was in high school about 10 years ago, he was in love with a pretty cheerleader who snubbed him so he kidnapped her for a while.

If you do not see exactly where this is going, then you are a moron.

He is also planting fake bombs everywhere, sending SVH into a panic. Liz is also getting prank phone calls. Yawn.

Liz is also doing some baby sitting for Elsa Bennett. One night when she is there a strange guy stops by, looking for Elsa, claiming that he is an old friend, and that Liz “looks like someone he used to know”.

Oh, this is the best: it’s the middle of the summer, and the cheerleaders hold a pep rally at SVH to “get the school back in the team spirit”. Is this legal to have a school event during the summer? Can these people take a fucking break from SVH and get away?

Okay, I’ll admit that I totally skimmed the rest: This crazy guy, Donald, who is Elsa’s brother,takes Liz, Bruce, and Jeffrey hostage at the stadium and threatens to set off a bomb. Becauase Liz looks like the pretty girl that snubbed him. It’s just the curse of being beautiful! Bruce saves the day by grabbing the bomb and running off with it and it explodes. He emerges with like soot on him and a singed collar. It is like in the cartoons, where something explodes. Was the bomb made by ACME? Whatever.

Liz has been kidnapped/held hostage like eighteen times. How does she not have PTSD?

Super thriller my ass.

Grade: F

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23 thoughts on “The one that is a big commercial for a Ouiji Board or Super Thriller: Deadly Summer

  1. Amber Tan says:

    “Why would Jessica even want to do that? And wouldnโ€™t she get fired during her first day?”

    Oh, there’s probably some hawt guy working there that Jess is hoping to dry-hump. And when has anyone ever said ‘no’ or ‘you suck phat rocks’ to La Princess Jessica? Everyone enables her shit. Hell, she’d probably get promoted for f***ing around a la ‘Peter’ in Office Space.

    “Lila was pissed and plans to get back at Liz for being a condescending asshole. You and me both, Li.”

    Planting my butt firmly on that bench…

    “Liz has been kidnapped/held hostage like eighteen times. How does she not have PTSD?”

    Maybe Liz is just so used to being abducted by random strangers that to her it’s a “ho-hum, just another day” kind of thang. Or she seriously suffers from Stockholm Syndrome. “Oh, this unknown creepy person just kidnapped me. I’d better try to help him even though his psychosis is none of my business.” ๐Ÿ˜‰

    “Okay, Iโ€™ll admit that I totally skimmed the rest.”

    Considering the material that you’re willing to slog through for our collective sake, we’d forgive you pretty much anything, ihatewheat. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Amber Tan says:

    Yeah, the entire SV police force must be focusing on their modeling careers or something ’cause there doesn’t seem to be much law enforcement happening in SV. Given the number of times their daughter’s been grabbed, I’m starting to wonder why Ned and Alice didn’t hire a personal body guard for Liz.

  3. Eli says:

    Yeah…they should have called it Death Valley High, but then I guess it sounds like something Christopher Pike or RL Stine would have written.

  4. Magenta Galaxy says:

    ^ Redstar – or, you know, maybe they could, I don’t know…do some f***ing parenting? NOT do things like go out of town every 5 minutes and never call the police when there’s a problem? Then again, Alice and Ned are attractive, and in SV, that probably makes you as qualified a parent as anyone…perhaps this wouldn’t prevent all the wacky things that come to the twins, but it might stop a lot of it!

  5. Amber Tan says:

    “or move the hell out of SV!!”

    Butbutbut…it’s The Most Perfect Place on Earth, Redstar! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    And, Magenta Galaxy, are you *gasp* criticizing SV’s Royal Family re: their (non-existent) parenting skillzzz!?! You’re a brave soul, my friend. ๐Ÿ™‚

    “Alice and Ned are attractive, and in SV, that probably makes you as qualified a parent as anyone”

    Ah, well, it can’t be easy, MG, maintaining such a high a level of models per capita…after all, models don’t grow on trees. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. Winnie Egbert says:

    I would just like to point out that wearing either (a) a full-sleeve cotton shirt or (b) a cashmere sweater at any point in Southern California between the months of May and September is like an application for heatstroke. Stupid twins.

  7. Amy Slutton says:

    This one was so-so imo, along with the On the Run one — the most craptastic one was Double Jeopardy, the first one. Everyone is running around completely baffled when it would be obvious to “anyone with half an eye*” what is going on. Not to mention Jessica totally fabricating stories to impress her co-worker at the Sweet Valley News? I don’t think any 16-year-old would be THAT stupid.

    No Place to Hide was the best one, I re-read it recently and couldn’t really figure it out til I was close to the end. Or maybe I’m just lame like that.

    *favorite Jessica phrase (I think from Dear Sister) that has stuck with me to this very day ๐Ÿ˜€

  8. coquelicot says:

    Winnie–maybe the Sweet Valley News office feels like the Arctic tundra during the summer with the A/C running full blast, thus the need for warmer clothes. I know mine does. Don’t worry, I’m sure Jess has her bikini on underneath, ready to hit the beach. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. kiwimusume says:

    the twins are interning at the Sweet Valley News. Why would Jessica even want to do that?

    Because Elizabeth is doing it and the twins have crazy codependency issues. If one twin goes somewhere, the other has to either come too, or if that’s not possible sabotage her so that neither goes. Perhaps that’s a result of the trauma brought on by one or the other being kidnapped or attacked 34539485639456943 times.

    Coquelicot – that sounds like a reverse version of all the shops, restaurants and other areas of the customer service industry here in Japan. I flew home for a visit these holidays, and since it’s summer over there I brought summer clothes to change into on the plane (in the toilets, not at my seat, you filthy, filthy people! ๐Ÿ˜› My name is not Jessica Wakefield or Amy Sutton!) Ended up changing into them before I even left my local airport because it was that fucking hot in there.

  10. Magenta Galaxy says:

    ^Stacy – they DO have chubby cheeks, you’re totally right! And is it me, or do they not exactly look like mirror images on this cover?

  11. Amy Slutton says:

    Magenta Galaxy, I actually can’t think of a single cover where they DO look like mirror images. Although I can’t quite put my finger on it, there is something that clearly distinguishes Jessica from Elizabeth, and it’s not the hairstyle, it is something about their faces. At least, they seem to be two totally different shapes.

  12. Melody_Grey says:

    I started to say that I JUST re-read this one…until I realised that one I read was “Double Jeopardy,” the one where the twins work at the News and Steven’s friend (whom he only knows through the one classs they had together) comes to stay with them for the summer.

    That being said, I remember not making it through this one due to the lack of thrill.

    And why does everyone always kidnap Liz? I agree with Redstar. The Wakefields should have just moved out of SV the third time it happened. But then it would’ve just caused a mass exodus of Sweet Valley because you can’t NOT be where the Wakefields are.

  13. Amber Tan says:

    “This one made me BUY a ouija board!”

    Hee, Melissa! The marketing department will be so pleased…

    “And why does everyone always kidnap Liz? ”

    Maybe they’re really gunning for Jess but keep mistaking Liz for her sociopathic twin. Hey, I would if I had my druthers. Then again, I’d get it right the first time. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    BTW, is there anything similar to StarTrek 2.0 for the SV televison series?

    For those unfamiliar with Star Trek 2.0 it’s basically a show that plays the original Star Trek episodes on TV but it has an interactive chatboard. People can log on and make silly snarky comments while watching in real time. IMO it kind of sucks rocks because the comments shrink the screen plus there’s a sh*tload of Star Trek factoids scrolling in the margins. IIRC the cable channel is G4.

    Disclaimer: My SO is an avid Trekkie who occasionally watches said show because they count things like Uhura undie shots and how many times Bones says “He’s dead, Jim.” You know, really important stuff unlike, oh, say, my birthday or his parents 50th wedding anniversary. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  14. janeprimrose says:

    Amy Slutton: Although I canโ€™t quite put my finger on it, there is something that clearly distinguishes Jessica from Elizabeth, and itโ€™s not the hairstyle, it is something about their faces. At least, they seem to be two totally different shapes.
    In this illustration, at least, Elizabeth’s eyes are much wider than Jessica’s, making her look more innocent. Her nose also looks longer and less snubbed!

  15. Nora Dalton says:

    I just read this last night and the continuity problems continue. This book claims a slam book predicted enid and jeffrey hooking up.. and elizabeth and roger barret patman hooking up. but in the actual slam book… it was olivia and jeffrey… and elizabeth and a.j. morgan. Pay attention ghost writers!!!!

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