Jessica seriously needs a bra.
I kind of like the ones where they travel. And by like I mean are horrified by the way they make every place they travel into a horrid, cliched version of the actual place. This time: the twins tackle the midwest!
It’s Spring Break AGAIN and the gals are off to spend a week with their great aunt and great uncle, The Walkers in Walkersville, Kansas. Their relatives own the fucking place and run everything in it. Their great-uncle is the mayor. It’s basically like the town in Pleasantville, and Jessica is the one that brings color to the people. Or something.
Also, many of the cliches are for southern towns, not midwest, so I think they may have even screwed up in their offensiveness. There’s barns a plenty and five and tens, and a soda shop. Apparently anywhere outside of Southern California also is in a time warp. The gals just think it is adorable, and oooohhh and ahhhh throught their Southern Califorinian entitlement. I this were real life they’d be complaining that there is no In ‘n Out Burgers. Whatevs. The Walkers (their great aunt and uncle, no relation to Cara) are pretty old fashioned and want the girls to act like proper ladies. You and me and everyone else do too. Seriously. Jessica is all pissed at the oppression. They go the carnival and Jess rubs herself over one of the carnies who runs a corral. She sneaks out at night to see him as he teaches her to ride his horse. Of course, after one date, Jess is using the l-word. Seriously, this falling in love business is annoying. The guy, Alex, has a twin brother Brad, who may be perfect for Liz. If you can’t predict how this will turn out, you’re a moron.
Meanwhile, the gals of the town totally hate the twins. Mostly because the Walkers have talked them up so much as sophiticated Californians and the gals feel threatened. Annie Sue Sawyer (what a hick name, ghostwriters) especially hates them. Meanwhile, other gals in town start copying Jessica’s cutting-edge, California fashion sense. Even the chubby girls in town. How dare they! What is Jessica’s cutting-edge fashion? A headband. With rhinestones. Seriously.
The twins works for an afternoon at the soda shop. They milk cows on a farm. Blah blah blah. Jessica is a total brat for disprespecting the Walkers and sneaking out each night. They are so UNREASONABLE to expect her to be in by nine every night. Of course, Liz bends over and takes it and covers for her. Sigh.
Annie Sue sees Jessica with Alex, and blackmails her so she won’t tell the relatives about her hanging out with a “carnie”. She blackmails her by making Jess give her her hideous accessories. In a storyline totally ripped off from Little House on the Prairie, Annie Sue’s Dad buys her the horse that Alex has been training and Jessica has bonded with. Annie Sue insists on riding her and the horse gets out of control, but Jess saves the day by fucking getting on another horse and rescuing Annie Sue from the crazy horse. From then on Annie Sue totally forgives Jessica and admits she hated her because she was jealius. They make up and are bffs. Annie Sue has a party for the twins at her house and there is a big toast to Jessica and she is the hero. The Walkers totally forgive her for sneaking out and acting like a brat the whole week because she saved the day. Note to everyone: STOP VALIDATING JESSICA’S BULLSHIT!
So there is a big town squaredance and the twins want to double-date with Alex and Brad. Their grandparents don’t want them going with boys they don’t know. Jessica declares that this is the worst. thing. that’s. ever. happened. Elizabeth agrees. I know this is early in the series, so they don’t have the gang wars, werewolfs, vampires and killing each others boyfriends while driving while intoxicated. However, Elizabeth discovers theor boyfs secrets! He’s really one person! FUCKING SURPRISE! Did they not realize it the second they also realized they never saw the two together! Alex declares he feels like two people and wanted to get to know both of them. Liz doesn’t tell Jessica so she can remain happy. They all squaredance off into the sunset.
When they arrive in Walkersville, Liz muses, “this is what I imagined when I read about the pioneers moving West.” Seriously, get a grip. It’s not like they use outhouses and covered wagons. There is life outside Southern California.
Jessica, of course, packs like 10 suitcases, including her new favorite outfit: a jumpsuit with rhinestones all over it. Sweet!
When Liz is hanging out with “Brad”, he tells her he’s never seen the ocean before, but looking into her aqua-blue eyes is like seeing the ocean for the first time. BARF!
I love (aka hate) how when they travel, they use every cliche about the place they travel. What’s next? A trip to Alaska where Liz rescues some abandoned huskies, and three days later wins a dogsled competions, and Jessica falls in love with an “eskimo” and convinces them to decorate their igloos pink?