The one where Todd and Liz get together (for the first time), or #1 Double Love

Well, book one seems like the logical place to start? Because if it’s one thing that Fran Pascal and her ghostwriters know about, it’s logical plot devices. Ok, so we meet the twins and their annoying perfect selves and all the gang briefly. Liz has a crush on Todd. Scratch that. She’s in LOVE with him. After he looks at her in the caf and then they have a five minute convo about some chemistry exam. But Jessical also likes him. No, she doesn’t actually like him, to her he’s just another notch on her belt to validate herself through her sexual attractiveness. So Jessica basically goes after Todd, and Elizabeth basically wants to commit suicide when she hears Jessica talking about him. In all fairness, Liz never even tells Jessica her feelings. Ugh. I hate defending Jessica.

Then Jessica walks home from cheerleading practice instead of catching a ride from her friend because she “enjoys the attention she will attract” if she walks home. Ugh. Then the town punk picks her up and asks her for a date (in Francine’s world, a boy always asks for a proper “date” even though he is a complete fuck up). Of course, because it strokes Jess’ ego, says yes and lies to her parents and goes with him to Kelly’s, the town bar (Sweet Valley has one bar, apparently), and she gets into a brawl, or caused a brawl, or something, and the police come. Because the system is unfair and Jess is a manipulative skank, she convinces the cop to let her off. So he gives her a ride home. THe policeman calls her Elizabeth on her way out of the car, and Carline Pierce, the school gossip, overhears and then spreads it all over time that Elizabeth was at a bar and arrested.

The next day it is all over school and I am surprised that they don’t brand a letter “A” into Liz’s chest. Because she was out at a BAR! And possibly DRINKING! Jayzus. Kids these days have blow job parties and cook crystal meth after school. But apparently no teenagers drink at SVH. Jessica let’s them believe it, and Liz’s friend Enid is ahamed and breaks off their friendship. Todd of course sees Liz in a different light and decided to go to the dance with Jess.

After the dance, Todd doesn’t want to make out with Jess, which of course if a man doesn’t want Jessica, there MUST be something wrong with him. So she tells Liz that he tried to sexual assualt her. Because Francine likes to perpetuate the sterotype that women often cry rape. Thanks, Fran. So then Liz thinks Todd is a creep and there is more miscommunication.

Finally, somehow, it is all worked out, and Todd and Liz kiss and use stupid metaphors about their love. So, at least Liz grows some balls and tries to get back at Jessica. Ok, back up. Liz writes the gossip column for the school newspaper, The Oracle, and no one knows who it is. When they find out, they throw the person in the pool. Liz lets everyone think Jess is her, so they storm Jess and throw her in the pool. Oh, those SVH kids and their hijinks!

Oh yea, the twins’ brother Steven, who is in college, keeps coming around. It’s because he is secretly seeing Tricia Martin, but he is embarassed about it because she comes from a bad family, and her father is the “town drunk”. Because there IS ONLY ONE DRUNK IN SWEET VALLEY. Well, I guess that can happen when there is only one bar.

Some other points.

  • First, the twins are rushing Pi Alpha, the “best” sorority on campus. And they have to pledge and be hazed. (Liz was forced to have a pizza delivered to her science class). If your high school had a sorority, please let me know because WTF???? How is that allowed and sanctioned by the school? How do they allow hazing? WHERE ARE THE ADULTS?
  • Ok, my high school had a joke of a newspaper. So it took them half a school year to print a story about a tree that was planted outside or something like that. This is like a full time endeavor. I also get it confused with The Blaze and expect Andrea Zuckerman to be shouting orders at everyone. And they have a gossip column? How is that okay? Can Mr. Collins, the pervy advisor, please put a stop to it?
  • I hate how Jessica never wears a watch, because things don’t really start “until she gets there.”
  • If someone wants to make a statement, is mad at someone, or wants to flirt, they use the person’s full name. “I’ll get back at you Jessica Wakefield, if its the last thing I do!”; “Todd Wilkins, you are one hunk of man!” When Todd and Liz fight (which is uh, ALWAYS) they call each other Miss Wakefield and Mr. Wilkins. How…kinky?
  • Francine aka Kate William does not understand how a sense of humor works. Do teens ever/have they ever talked like this?: When Rick asks her out again, she’s all, “No thanks, I’d rather go on a date with an Octopus!” HAR HAR HAR!
  • The Fowlers and Patmans are set up to be this Hatfield and McCoys of Sweet Valley. They are both fighting over property of the SVH foodball field.Like they’s give a flying fuck.

Two words ladies: hot oil treatment. What’s with the bangs? Oh I forget, it’s 1984. That denim jacket should have more pins on it, Jess. Oh, and btw, you have a combover.

My grade: C+

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24 thoughts on “The one where Todd and Liz get together (for the first time), or #1 Double Love

  1. Jenny says:

    My husband’s high school had a sorority and a fraternity. He couldn’t tell you how they worked though, as he wasn’t the slightest bit interested in joining. We figure the school was guessing this was as far in the educational world as most of these kids were going, so why not let them pretend they were in college their senior year.

  2. Heidi says:

    I just found your site and read all the entries. I’m…I’m just so very happy. I’ve wanted to reread SVH and BCS for years but never got around to it. Frankly, I didn’t know if it was something I could handle. You’ve absolutley made my week!

  3. greenergrassier says:

    I totally had this on audiotape! They had all of these on audiotape! (And it wasn’t for the blind or anything…got them at the local dollar store in the neighborhood when I was 9 or something)

  4. Linda says:

    I just found this site, with some twists and turns, via Feministing (I think) and it’s awesome. I read my older sisters’s SVH books when I was 9 or so, and then got all into the Sweet Valley Twins series. I read at least 10 of ’em, and actually got some sort of book club where they’d send the new ones that I eagerly awaited.
    Only when I got older and got politicized did I notice the puritanical sexual morality, the whitewashing (literally and metaphorically) of teenaged Southern California, the pornographic fetishizing of Liz and Jess, the obsession with money and material goods … etc.
    But now there’s the fun of spotting continuity problems. Like, did anyone notice how in SVT, they’re twelve years old and in the sixth grade, but then in SVH, they’re sixteen and in the eleventh grade? So they both skipped a grade? Including lazy partygirl Jessica?
    Or how Amy Sutton of the SVT series (on the covers) bears no resemblance to the Amy of SVH?
    Maybe next you can review the books where Liz and Regina are kidnapped? (Not in the same book — that would be just too silly.)

  5. Darling Nikki says:

    My high school had a sorority and a fraternity. They were called “social” clubs and they did community service and forced people who wanted to join the clubs come to school in weird ass costumes and other crazy ass shit. *shrugs* That’s about all I know about it, but I can probably reference you to a website about it if you’d like.

  6. Becca says:

    I love this blog! I have been reading it all day and getting NO work done. I had the audiotape of this book (and also “Secrets” I believe) and my sister and I listened to it constantly. The narrator’s voice was HILARIOUS.

    I’m so glad my school wasn’t like SVH. I agree about the gossip column – what is up with that? I’d be so embarrassed if who I had a big crush on was printed up for everyone to see. Thanks, Liz.

  7. I like toast says:

    What I don’t understand is how on the cover it says “share the continuing story…”, it makes it sound like Double Love is picking up from some other series. Unless I’m really wrong and the SVT came first?

  8. blue green eyes? says:

    i always wondered how the twins were so perfect? everybody liked them! even jessica..still being an evil bitch…in my school..being a goody-goody is not what u wanna b. and then their family.everybody is good looking and young and perfect.

  9. Perfect sixe 6- FAT! says:

    did u know the twins were a perfect sixe6, had blue-green eyes, a perfect nose( & yes its mentioned in the book)Dazzling sun-streaked blonde hair, they are willowy and slender, they’re 5 ft.6, been described as the 2 most beautiful girls in Sweet Valley ( kinda surprised francine didnt declare them the 2 most beautiful girls in the world), the 2 most popular girls in school (dont know how! jessica being a sociopath and liz being a hopeless goody-goody), they had looks that made california girls around the world famous (& yes that was in a book, TAKING SIDES),a tan that every girl would envy, and so on.
    im surprised that francine didn’t say they had ruby luscious lips and perfect zitless (even though that is obvious) face even after pigging out at dairi burger . u know..even when they’re 60 francine will make them the most beautifulest girls in the senior homes. sixe 6, blue eyes, perfect skin, no wrinkles, no cancer (TANNING) No chlorestrol( pigging out), etc.

  10. XOXO says:

    omg THIS IS SOS FUNNY. I WAS LOOKING AT REVIEWS OF DOUBLE LOVE AND THERE WERE MANY NEGATIVE ONES TOO. BUT THIS ONE WAS THE MOST HILARIOUS.

    Meet the Wakefield twins. Jessica, the self-centered, self-confidant, arrogant little twat twin, and Elizabeth, the sweet-as-honey good-as-gold, naive, gullible, idiot twin. Both are identical, down to there PERFECT golden hair and their TO DIE FOR blue-green eyes. The twins live with their interior designer mother, who hasn’t aged at all since the twins were born, their handsome, equally eternally young lawyer father. Of course the twins have a loyal, caring, big brother, who can pass off for their father (naturally the twins can pass off as their mother) His name is Steven, and all the girls swoon over him (naturally) The Wakefield family live in the glorious town of Sweet Valley, California (a town which proves that it hardly ever rains in Southern California) Jessica and Elizabeth attend Sweet Valley High, where they are loved by all their peers (and several other age groups) Jessica lives for gossip, scavenging off of other peoples’ misfortune like a vulture. Elizabeth, the vulture’s twin, is more like a love bird. She is a reporter for THE ORACLE, the school newspaper and she loves to solve other people’s problems (maybe she’s a parrot)
    I guess you would think that this pair of sunny, golden girls have boyfriends. But no. Not only do they not have boyfriends, but they’re fighting for the same guy! (Or rather Elizabeth stepped back and let Jessica go out with him) In this book, Jessica fights for the love of coffee-coloured eyed Todd Wilkens, while Elizabeth sits around, letting Jessica take him. In the end, Liz and Todd live happily ever after, after a guy named Rick Andover almost kidnapped them (Jessica went out on a date with him and got into a little trouble with the police. Elizabeth’s name was almost ruined at Sweet Valley High when Jessica pretended to be Elizabeth so she could get off the hook. She’s a pretty good sister isn’t she?) Jessica, naturally, went out with other guys in the end, not caring that she almost broke her sister’s heart when she went out with Todd.

    Well that’s all I have to say about the golden girls of Sweet Valley.

  11. XOXO says:

    U FORGOT DIMPLES! REMEMBER A TINY ONE IN THE LEFT CHEEK. FRANCINE KEEPS ADDING MORE STUFF EVERYDAY BOOK.
    I MEAN ONE BOOK ITS SUN-KISSED HAIR, NEXT BOOK SUN-STREAKED, SILKY, WAVY, GOLD SPUN! MAKE UP UR MIND!
    more – SAME DELICATE FEATURES, DOUBLE IMAGE OF SUN-KISSED, ALL-AMERICAN LOVELINESS,(FYI IN SOME BOOKS THEY’RE MENTIONED AS HAVING TRIM, 6 FIGURES.)MODEL SIZED WAIST, SATIN-SMOOTH COMPLEXION, MUSICAL LAUGHS, BUBBLY VOICES, AND SOMETIMES HONEY BLOND HAIR, WHITE DAZZLING SMILE. that;s about all i do right now

    • Neek1981 says:

      Yep, XOXO. It always kinda repulsed me that the ghosties spent at least two paragraphs describing the twins in every book. Was it the SVT books where they were described as having peaches and cream complexions or did I just imagine that? What is a peaches and cream complexion exactly? It’s far lighter than a sun-kissed tan, right? Also they’re sometimes described as having long blonde hair, but on the covers it rarely seems long. Is shoulder length considered long? I can’t get over how the writers wrote them as being perfect in the stories, but they never looked all that great to me on the book covers. I always thought the best looking characters based on the description of them would be:
      Nicholas Morrow
      Isabella Ricci (from Sweet Valley Univ)
      Brian Nelson (SVU)
      Maria (she looked cute on the covers of the Unicorn club books, can’t remember how the ghosties described her though)

      What does everyone else think? Which covers looked the best for which characters? Who would be your top five or ten based on description only?

  12. qwerty says:

    lol. u remember all this. i agree she keeps adding new stuff.
    p.s i never heard of bubbly voices and musical voices or something.
    p.p.s the book does say perfect skin 2.

  13. Goldray says:

    It’s funny how Enid is all high and mighty about Elizabeth being arrested for drinking or whatever Caroline was spreading around. Especially, since Enid used to be a raging drug addict, and what- almost killed someone! Enid is 50% responsible for some kid being paralyzed for life! What a friend.

  14. fatmens says:

    This is amazing! I was reminded of SVH by another blog and was so tempted to buy some ebay, just to relive my childhood, but this is even better! Thanks!

  15. rebecca fear says:

    this is definitely the worst book of the whole series. jessica is a bitch. and mentally retarded. elizabeth is a pushover and todd is just plain stoopid. and how can these two be the only stunningly beautiful girls in all of california? what the hell are ‘california looks’? dont people in other US states have blond hair and blue eyes?

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