I feel bad for Robin Wilson. Not only does she no longer remember what cheesecake tastes like, but she really is miserable all the time. So much for losing all that weight, winning Miss Slut Teen Valley or whatever, and being co-captain of the cheerleading team. And she doesn’t have those two candy bars smushed … Continue reading »
Tagged with thin is in …
Penny Ayala, pathetic piece of crapa
[Cover from The Closet.] The halls of SVH are all abuzz with the new personal ads in The Oracle. Oh, how archaic! People place personal ads and then people write letters to an anonymous mailbox. High-schoolers nowadays can place an ad on craigslist and be banging a thirty year old within the hour. Anyway, for … Continue reading »
Robin Wilson should be in the X-Men
[photo from The Closet] Can we come to a consensus that this may be one of the best covers ever? Robin is GORGE! FEROSH! FIERCE! (I’ve been watching Season 4 of Project Runway). She does look a bit like Britney Spears in the face. Also, cute shirt! But look, it’s so beeeg! She us just … Continue reading »
eating disorders, alcoholism and unemployment, oh my! or Sunset Island #6, Sunset Secrets
These covers are really getting irritated. What is more irritating, Carrie’s jumper or the guy in the short shorts with the parrot? Can you imagine how obnoxious these photo shoots must be? The gals gear up for another reunion, this time over their spring break. Except they all have secrets. I wonder if that is … Continue reading »
The one where Jessica gets a taste of her own medicine or #112 Jessica Quits the squad
Oh great. Another one about fucking cheerleading. Apparently these gals get into motorcycle accidents often because they are always forgetting the way they act. I am glad that I just read#10 recently for a compare/contrast. I also want to say that I like the pic of the twins on top of these later miniseries ones, … Continue reading »
The one with the infamous Jessa Fields #32 The New Jessica
Firstly, I love the way people find their way here through internet searches. Here are the most popular searches that have gotten people here: Jessica boobs touching boobs Amy Wilkins (some fanfic maybe?) bulimia tips Nice, guys. Nice. This one comes right after the whole Jeffrey French hoopla. Jessica is getting all pissypants after maybe … Continue reading »
The one where Jeffrey French moves to town and everyone wants a piece, or #31 Taking Sides
I especially hate this cover. Elizabeth’s yellow barettes match her yellow shirt. Jessica’s hair irritates me. She is really balding, it seems. And it’s all feathered. It looks like what happens when I leave my hair wet and unbrushed and let it airdry. Ick. Jeffrey French is making a big splash- Enid and Lila both … Continue reading »
The one where someone actually allows Jessica near their children or #101 The Boyfriend War
Seriously, did it really take a 100 books to use this title? I feel like it could be the title of every SVH book. Ow wow, Jessica and Lila are brutal! First of all, it is nice to see that Jessica has completely forgot about when some crazy lookalike tried to murder her sister and … Continue reading »
The one with the crash landing or #20 Crash Landing!
Ok, when I say this one was bad, I don’t mean like so bad it was good, I mean so fucking stupid. George Warren, Enid’s boyf, has fallen in love with former fatty Robin Wilson while they are taking flying classes. [cue needle scratching across record] Um, what? Flying lessons? The last I heard of … Continue reading »
The one where Mr. Collins is actually being appropriate, or #11 Too Good to Be True
Firstly, thanks to all the new readers I’ve acquired lately. Please keep passing along the link. I want as many people to get the joy (i.e., pain) of remembering and reliving the oppressive, manipulative, shallow Sweet Valley World. It’s done wonders for my self-esteem. I hope it has helped yours too. Damn, I did not … Continue reading »
The one where we learn that Ms. Dalton has a double identity, or Super Special: Perfect Summer
Perfect summer indeed! Wow, these kids must be left back a lot. Because this is about their eighth summer after their junior year in high school. So they are going on a bike trip up the coast of California, and camping out and staying out in hostels along the way. Actually, that does seem pretty … Continue reading »
The one where Robin Wilson loses 100 pounds and joins the cheerleading squad in a timespan of a week, or #4, Power Play
Jessica “I like gingham”. Elizabeth: “I am going to give you an open-mouth kiss”. Also, Elizabeth has a receding hairline. I digress. Jayzuz, this one was disturbing. So many horrible messages sent to young impressionable minds. So let’s get into it. If you remember in book three, Jessica strung Robin Wilson along and took advanatage … Continue reading »
