The Vampire Diaries: just what we need, more damsels in distress

I am sure that some producer has had The Vampire Diaries series on some back shelf for almost 20 years and with the success of vampire stories, ran over, dusted it off, and put it on the fast track for production. It’s a series I love to hate, so I am dubious of how they can do it justice as a series. By looking at these promo pics, I’ve decided not to touch it with a ten foot pole.

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Why must all these vampire stories be about helpless, fragile females? And yes, don’t let Sookie Stackhouse’s sassy backtalk fool you- she is also a damsel in distress (I’ve only seen the show, not read the books). So firstly, Elena is supposed to be BLONDE. Was it really that hard to find a young blond actress? Or perhaps this no name just wooed them so much they had to cast her. And it seems her options are to be killed or get raped while she looks on with teary eyes.

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And behold: Stefan, our hero. Eh, he so does not do it for me. He looks more like the dim-witted bland high school jock. Not the Eurotrashy, sensitive, and brooding Stefan.

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Ian Somerhalder, as Damon, has a better grasp on the Eurotrash look. I can’t hate on Ian, because Rules of Attraction may be in my top-ten movies ever (and the reasons why is another discussion). I can see him being the evil one. His eyebrows are already slanted inwards permanently. I do hope we see flashbacks to their origins and Ian gets to wear some 1800s aristocrat garb.

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Oh, this one is clever. Stefan: “I’m so conflicted!” Damon: “lunchtime!” Elena: “I guess I’ll just lie here and have no affect on this outcome.” I think they were going for showing the plot of the series in one photo, but I see incestual threesome. I guess my mind just goes that way. So sue me.

Since I am up at 4:00am writing this post, I obviously have some insomnia and therefore have the time to research who I would cast. Although these days I am not in the loop with today’s hot teen stars.

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Laura Ramsey, star of such cinematic masterpeices as The Ruins, She’s The Man, and The Covenant. She’s the epitome of the blond, popular girl. She also plays the wide-eyed gal pretty well. Also, she needs a better casting agent.

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For Stefan, I’m going with old-school Jason Behr. As Max Evans he did a good job iof being the silent, sulking type. With a great bod. Don’t even think about hating on Roswell, it is near and dear to my heart. What? What? Ok, I’m pretending Season 3 did not exist. But Tess brainwashing lil’ Hanks to think he went to Sweden so she could decode the plans to operate a spaceship pod? That’s good stuff. That’s a whole other conversation.

Damon was a harder choice. I’m thinking someone hot and evil, and hot because he is evil. I guess we can go with Ian Somerhalder. Mostly because I should really get back to sleep right now.

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38 comments

  1. bookslide · August 11, 2009

    But Elena as a pathetic helpless moron is an accurate reflection of the books! She’s one of the most passive characters I’ve ever read, and I’ve read Twilight. But you know me, I’m totally overinvested in this. No one warned me that’s the fate of the recapper.

    Also, how did they get Rob Lowe to go back in time? That’s just uncanny.

  2. Jessi · August 11, 2009

    I haven’t read the series, and I have no desire to. But they’re filming it at a high school near where I live, so I’m going to have to deal with it sooner or later. And they’re having an open casting call for paid extras at this year’s Dragon*Con, which I’m sure means another awesome geek haven ruined by vampires (see: Twilight, ComicCon). Grr.

  3. maybeimamazed02 · August 11, 2009

    I’ve read the first Sookie Stackhouse book (I’ve been told not to read the second till season 2 is over, even though the series has made a lot of changes). She’s slightly smarter and sassier in the books. What bothers me about the writing, however, is that Sookie is SO a Mary Sue (see also: Bella Swan) and there’s not one dude who DOESN’T want to bang her.

    Yeah, I have no desire to read or see The Vampire Diaries. I agree, though–how hard is it to find a blonde actress? Even Anna Paquin dyed her hair (though I know she bitched about it). Are they trying to make Vampire Diaries chick more like Bella? That’s my guess.

  4. Sadako · August 11, 2009

    I’m wary of this one. Part of me wants to love to hate it and the other part just wants to hate it.

    What happened to all the pics?

  5. Amy · August 11, 2009

    I LOVE Roswell. …well apart from season 3. But at least Tess exploded, so every cloud….

    Can you do a post on Roswell?

    Oh, and I haven’t read The Vampire Diaries books. Do vampires actually write in diaries? Dear diary, brood, brood, blood, brood, sparkle, save helpless girl.

    Ian Somerhalder’s ok, but god, could they have cast actors any more generic?

    • megan · August 11, 2009

      Dear diary, brood, brood, blood, brood, sparkle, save helpless girl.

      hahaha!

    • bookslide · August 11, 2009

      No, the girl who loves the vampires has a diary. It is really boring.

  6. Jen S. · August 11, 2009

    Is anyone else just seeing photobucket Bandwith Exceeded logos instead of pictures? Kinda takes away from the funny.

  7. sadako · August 11, 2009

    Yup, Jen S., I am too.

  8. Margo · August 11, 2009

    I was at Comic-Con and DRAGGED my husband to see the pilot of this show!! I’ve been a fan of L.J.’s since I was a teen… but TVD (which sounds like std, kinda!) was my least fav. of hers. Secret Circle would’ve = better show. But yeah, the producer is Kevin Williamson- he did “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” Anyway, he basically SAID that up there in the panel! “I passed it up before, but then Twilight was such a big hit, I decided to look at it again. And then I kind of got into it.” BLECH! And someone awesome went right up and said, “I read the books. This is different. It’s just really ‘CW.'” This awesome person was much more eloquent than that, and made K.W. all flabbergasted and stuff! Yay!

  9. sharkcrow · August 11, 2009

    So, consensus is the books are a go and the show is going to destroy it? :)

    I’m with ya on the blonde actress thing – it bugged me in Twilight that pretty much all the Cullens had those bad dye jobs and wigs. There are blonds out there casting directors! At least with VD they’re just making the character brunette.

  10. Corey · August 11, 2009

    Oh, Max Evans.
    *swoon*

    I have the Vampire Diaries here (yay used bookstores), but I haven’t read them yet. But I do have to agree with your dismay over casting. Dude #1 looks like a total chach.

  11. Vanessa Saxton · August 11, 2009

    I am not getting this whole vampire craze. It’s such a phenomenon and it seems there are tons of new series coming out each week (was brousing the YAL section at Barnes and Noble over the weekend). I remember when I read vampire stories back in the mid-90’s (Anne Rice) people thought I was weird. Okay, maybe I was a bit weird because I read SV, too. But all the sudden vampires are totally cool and if you’ve never read Twilight or Sookie Stackhouse you are the minority.

  12. Namrata · August 11, 2009

    YES! A roswell fan! I’m so glad i’m not the last one left! and SO with you on pretending season 3 never happened (who could kill off alex?WHO??)
    As for vampire diaries…i kinda came across them in the bookstore the other day, but by-passed cuz it looked kinda lame. Worth a read for the snark value?

  13. 1979semifinalist · August 11, 2009

    These pictures (the first and last CW promo shots) make me so annoyed. So annoyed that I can’t even come up with a good rant. I’m just going to leave it alone and go to bed. Annoyed.

    Why does nobody see what is wrong with those two pictures being marketed to young teen/pre-teen girls.

    Okay, so that was a mini-rant. I’m still going to bed annoyed.

  14. Karmyn · August 11, 2009

    Alona Tal would have been a good choice, but she may be too busy since I heard a rumor she’s going to be back on Supernatural in season five.

  15. Smiley · August 11, 2009

    This reminds me of the Dell Twilight Series. Did anyone read those? I started when I was 12 and loved them! This would be a fun series to cover on here.

    http://www.answers.com/topic/twilight-where-darkness-begins-teen-horror-book-series

  16. upstatestruggler · August 11, 2009

    I think they cast this girl ’cause she kept coming into the office, dramatically choking herself out with her own man hands.

  17. upstatestruggler · August 11, 2009

    ps. please, someday, do a Rules of Attraction recap.
    ‘whoops! rusty pipes!’
    ‘Your friend is dead. I must insist on doing some more tests!’
    ‘it’s DICK!’

  18. Magpie · August 11, 2009

    1979semifinalist, I am right there with your opinion on those promotional posters. Just… wow. Some of the stuff that is being aimed at the YA market right now is astounding. I feel like going out and giving teenage girls copies of “The Second Sex” or something, to try and counter all this.

    Ummm… on a more lighthearted note, I am not feeling Jason Behr as sulky and brooding. But that’s probably largely because I’ve only seen him in Dawson’s Creek, and his character in that was dimwitted and annoying. Ian Somerhalder, at least in this photo, looks like he would have been a good choice to play Conner if they had ever turned SVH Senior Year into a TV show.

    • ihatewheat · August 11, 2009

      Um, watch some season 1 roswell and you will be in love. Ok, so he has a bit of a hero complex but damn he is hot. And there’s lots of sexual tension between him and brendan Fehr. Yum!

      • Magpie · August 11, 2009

        Hmmmm. I am in need of new eye candy and they air the whole Roswell series in a never-ending loop over here. I think I sense that I’m about to lose 20 or so hours of my life to yet another TV show!

  19. Bridget Locke · August 11, 2009

    My fave LJ Smith series was the Dark Visions series. In the Vampire Diaries, I just wanted to strangle all of them. So not worth my time.

    Yay on Roswell! Ha! Just thought about it and realized that Max saves (crap! Heroine! Um…braindead) from bullet death. In Twilight (ack, ack) Edward saves Bella from car death (boo!). Coinkydink? I think not! ha-ha!

    Oy, my sleeping pills have kicked in. I’m feeling a bit loopy. I’m thinking you can tell that? Yes? :D

  20. Rhiannon Hart · August 11, 2009

    Bridget I believe we were discussing the awesomeness of the Dark Visions series on the Book Smugglers the other day :) I just found out they’re getting rereleased.

    By the way, I’m so glad to see other girls are as fed up with passive heroines as I am.

  21. Kim · August 11, 2009

    Mia from Degrassi…..it is so sad that I know that.

    • Robyn · August 11, 2009

      Don’t worry – it’s the first thing I noticed when I saw this. She’s not the best acress, so I don’t have super high hopes for this whole thing…
      And since you’re a degrassi fan, how excited are you for the degrassi goes hollywood movie? I know what I’m doing tomorrow night!

      • Kim · August 11, 2009

        Yes I am. I didn’t really like Mia. I am still salty that her arrival caused the rivalry between the schools. I was upset that JT got killed.

        I am such a dork. I just turned 28 last week and watch Degrassi. I watched the original show too when it was on Showtime when I was a kid.

  22. tt_marie · August 11, 2009

    Say WHAT? Elena is no passive, whiny female lead. In the books, at least, she is scheming, obsessive, stubborn, arrogant and strong-willed. Not all positive attributes, but she is no Bella (I hate Bella).

    That being said, it appears that they are going to make her much more Twilight-y than she is in the books. I’m still going to watch this show. I can’t help it…LJ Smith 4 Evah. Yes, I’m a dork.

    • bookslide · August 11, 2009

      Uh…she’s a schemer, all right (even though her schemes are downright pathetic), but once she and Stefan get together, she spends most of her time being terrified to talk to him, choosing instead to do everything from silence to outright lying to avoid conflict. She does the same damn thing to Matt in the beginning too, when she’s too ashamed to break up with him right away.

  23. Liz · August 11, 2009

    So the Sookie thing – I have read the whole series twice, and not only is she MUCH smarter than they portray her on the show, she is also much stronger. She is usually the first to rush in to save someone else. Freaking Bill just can’t get over his southern gentleman “Save the Lady!” superiority complex

    Just thought I would throw that in there :)

  24. Ashley · August 11, 2009

    ok, ur all stupid!!! the vampire diaries books rock!!! i finished them all in 3 days!! and the town isnt called mystic falls, its called fells church!! bonnie is supposed to be a short red head, meredith a tall brunette, and elena a skiny girl with golden coloured hair! the show might ruin the books and the whole plot, but the books rock and and the show might too. your all probably in love with the whole vampire thing.i know i am. the vampire diaries ROCK!!!!!

  25. bmad · August 11, 2009

    Umm remember Evil Max Evans? Priceless and a great choice for the character.

  26. mya67 · August 11, 2009

    What i wonder is does anyone notice that the girl (elena) of vampire diaries looks like the girl (liz) of roswell

  27. b · August 11, 2009

    .;l;

  28. xx · August 11, 2009

    i like so much your neck,elena…i wanna choke and strangle your neck everytime that i want…

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