Nicknamed “Lips”

Whenever I hit a thriftstore, I always am on the lookout for old YA lit or old toys. I got a bargain on this gem for 50 cents. Remember it?

If not, let me refresh your memory. You pick your dream boy out of the boyfriend cards and your friends have to guess what qualities you look for. However, the person that owned this game took all the boyfriend cards! Alas, we still have the guys on the cover.

The obligatory captain of the football team. Who looks a lot like my brother, so that’s kind of weird.

Huh? His lips look kind of pale and crusty. If this was a girl, her nickname would be “whore”.

Nothing like promoting little girls to be gold diggers. Is his family millionaires? Did he make his own millions selling lemonade? Could these be the whitest guys you’ve ever seen?

I totally see the appeal for girls, but again, it is promoting this SVH-ish idea of getting a hot boyfriend is “winning” and the best boyfriend is the rich, popular one. Where’s the goth guy? And the indie emo guy? Do all girls really go for the captain of the football team these days?

But this does not even begin to rival the craptastica Girl Talk Dateline. The goal is to match up a girl and a boy, shove the two plastic pieces into a fake phone, which activates a tape-recorded phone call of the guy calling the girl and sometimes he gets rejected when she says she’s “washing her hair”. Yay for heterosexism!

My best friend and I thought Tanya was the coolest evs.

Drew scares me.

Of course, god forbid you are caught with the nerds!

Homer is kind of hipster looking. And I totally dig guys into computers. Of course, Gert is a nerd because she has GLASSES! Oh the horror! She looks kind of like Lynne Henry, am I right?

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42 comments

  1. JustT · January 22, 2009

    OMG! I wanted this game SO. DAMN. BAD.

    But in retrospect, those “dream date” guys are my high school/college “guy friends” who eventually turned out to be gay. Ideal for the tween girl playing who needs a “safe” male fantasy, but totally unrealistic.

    Aside from the “pep club” thing, I’m totally Danielle (though not quite so chipper-looking): brunette, love perfume, completely nocturnal.

    My hubby, thank godness, fits NONE of the male “ideals”. He loves computers, math, sports, rock music, hanging out, drama (club), dancing, double-dating, TV soaps, diet soda, and health food. Suck it, Heart Throb!

  2. yasoup · January 22, 2009

    Hating gym class is bad? Yuuuck, sweaty shirts and getting naked in front of everyone was so UNcool.

  3. annakelly · January 22, 2009

    Is it just me, or is Homer giving off a distinct John Hodgman vibe? ‘Cause I think he’s adorable.

    Also, I can’t relate to any of those girls. I like Tanya, because at least she’s proof that just because you like going to a class doesn’t mean you’re – horror of horrors! – a nerd.

    Poor Gert.

  4. Paige · January 22, 2009

    I had both of those games! But Dateline never worked in my cassette player or something.

    LMAO at “Gert.”

  5. jordanbaker · January 22, 2009

    You can tell that this is pre Sex in the City era, because no “cool” girl now would admit to hating shoes.

  6. maybeimamazed02 · January 22, 2009

    My gay roommate totally has Heartthrob! Sometimes he has friends over to play it.

    I lurved my Girl Talk Date Line. And now I love nerdy indie boys, so I guess it didn’t warp me too much.

  7. Amber Tan · January 22, 2009

    Ack! This is one of those silly games my mom refused to allow in the house. [Mental note: Remember to thank Mom for being a feminist.]

    BTW, did anyone else notice how 2/3 of the girls are blonde? Plus the one girl of color seems to be vaguely Black and Asian? Also, Drew = Bruce Patman while Eric = Ken Matthews.

    And I would totally do Homer. Bow ties and protractors are HAWT. :)

  8. BartTempleton · January 22, 2009

    Your brother wears a towel and preens like a show pony?

  9. BartTempleton · January 22, 2009

    Drew and Matt look like they’ve been photographed in front of the blinds of a cheap motor inn on a remote stretch of highway.

    The kind where the colored lights of the XXX GIRLZ XXX neon sign across the parking lot filter through the window.

    And yes, Drew looks like he’s just been caught peering out of the blinds with binoculars.

    AmberT, do you think everyone who played this game felt obligated to match up Lindsey and Jason?

  10. Becca · January 22, 2009

    It’s a shame that the boyfriend cards are missing because my friend has that game and they are truly hilarious. They all look so gross and are wearing terrible sweaters.

    She also has the Saved by the Bell board game which I HIGHLY recommend. The object of the game is to go on a date with Zack AND Slater! (Not at the same time. Also, the board game instructions squeal “Could you just die?!”) At the end of the game you add up your points and then there are different descriptions depending on how well you did. For example, if you get the highest score, you are “head cheerleader material for sure!”, but if you do bad, you need to be more outgoing and then people will like you. It’s all kinds of wrong but so fun.

  11. 1979semifinalist · January 22, 2009

    OMG. I SO had both these games…and played them. I swear I blocked them out until I saw the board game…and then the Girl Talk Dateline piece! I’m literally freaking out right now as good/horrible memories of all this crap come flooding back. wow.

  12. Jan · January 22, 2009

    OMG Gert soooo totally looks like Lynne Henry! My sis and I used to play Girl Talk Dateline ALL THE TIME- we loved the call where the guy answers ” Pablo’s House of Tacos” b/c he’s at work or whatever. And I swear the black guy would only match with the black girl! Quite SVH if u ask me!

  13. Mandy P. · January 22, 2009

    This made my day. Amber Tan, my mom wouldn’t allow these in the house either, but I think that’s just because if she bought them then she would have to play them with me.

    Also, Tanya hates shoes?! Is it just me or is that the weirdest thing ever to hate? I hate high heels, but I do not have an aversion to shoes in general.

  14. Amber Tan · January 22, 2009

    “Your brother wears a towel and preens like a show pony”

    HAHAHAHAHA! You owe me a new monitor, BT. I’d also like to appropriate this snarky gem for my extensive list of insults-without-curse-words if I may. :)

    “Do you think everyone who played this game felt obligated to match up Lindsey and Jason?”

    I dunno, BT. Good question! I sure hope not ’cause one should always be true to thine ownself. Hey, if you (the general you) reeeeaally want to date someone who is not considered Teh Cool or Teh Whatever, then you should. Personally I’d date Jason on the basis that he loves to travel and hates TV soap operas. In fact, my SO has similar traits.

    “I swear the black guy would only match with the black girl!”

    Really, Jan??? Arg! That *is* totally SVH. BTW, is there any possibility that Pablo’s House of Tacos is a proud sponsor of SV’s famed Annual Mexican Festival? ;)

  15. Rio · January 22, 2009

    I would not date any of these guys. Yes, I’m 19 now, but I wouldn’t have dated them in high school, either.

    And the girls? Except for the small possibility of Tanya, I’d eat them for breakfast.

  16. prettyhowtown · January 22, 2009

    oh, man, i got girl talk dateline for christmas in 1989. have you seen the mp3 of the tape on the wfmu blog?

    [audio src="http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/FJ/girl_talk-losers.mp3" /]

  17. Lindsay · January 22, 2009

    I had that game! And I remember thinking Tanya seemed like the anti-me. Depressing.

  18. eejm · January 22, 2009

    Gert looks transgendered. He hates gym class, so he can’t be all bad. As for Tanya hating shoes, I’d go barefoot 24/7 if I could get away with it.

    I also noticed the Jessica and I shared the exact same lame hairstyle.

  19. Cat · January 22, 2009

    I never heard of this game before, but this is one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen.

  20. Vanessa Saxton · January 22, 2009

    I love how Stacie hates book reports. She MUST go to SVH since I don’t remember ever doing a book report past 5th grade.
    It wasn’t this game, but something similar, Girl Talk perhaps? It was the one where you had to put little red stickers on your face as “zits” if you got a wrong answer. Anwyays I dug it up about a year ago, and my 32 year old sister and I played it. We only then realized that they had about 10 “hunks” yet they were the same 4 or 5 models with different hair styles, glasses, popped collars or bow ties. Nothing like a board game on a budget.

  21. tygre · January 22, 2009

    OMG you guys, that .mp3 is made of win. LOL.

    My sister had this game. At one point we re-did the stickers to match different people up since we got tired of Homer and Gert being stuck together.

  22. ihatewheat · January 22, 2009

    I just listened to the girltalk mp3. The guys sound Canadian. We played that game so much we memorized the tape and knew what was coming up.

  23. ihatewheat · January 22, 2009

    ps did anyone try to match 2 guys together? I can’t remember if it worked or not.

  24. Stacie · January 22, 2009

    I like how the girls all have their mouths hanging open in some sort of oral fantasy sort of way. Except Gert. Of course.

  25. jms · January 22, 2009

    I love how the nerds have nerdy names–because, of course, all nerds’ parents know their kids are going to be geeks from birth and name them accordingly.

    Homer rules. He looks vaguely like my husband and his brother.

    If these characters were real and living in 2009, Scott would spend his weekends hitting on sorority girls 20 years his junior and doing bad stand-up on amateur night. Jason would frequent the local leather bar. Eric would be bald and potbellied.

  26. Amber Tan · January 22, 2009

    That MP3.com clip is beyond priceless — thanks, prettyhowtown. “I’ll be talkin’ to ya later!”

  27. bookslide · January 22, 2009

    Never had these games, but I did pick up that mall one I always wanted for my daughter at a place that sold old/used board games. I can’t bring myself to play it with her, but I am sure–SURE, I tell you–that Claire Danes is on the cover of it. Now she stares at me while I sleep. o.O

  28. kt · January 22, 2009

    I remember the one with the zits. I think the game commanded me to “call a cute boy.” Argh!

  29. Kelly · January 22, 2009

    Homer is kind of hot. And I accidentally thought Gert was a man at first glance…

  30. Jemgirl83 · January 22, 2009

    Gert looks more masculine than most of the “heart throbs”. I thought she was a man too!!! and I so wanted that mall board game when I was a kid.

  31. tygre · January 22, 2009

    Ooh, Mall Madness? I babysat a little girl who had it. I only remember that it was a bear to set up and took for-flippin-ever to finish, but it was just me and her playing.

  32. Rio · January 22, 2009

    For the record, if anyone had the nickname “Lips” in my school, it would have something to do with vag.

  33. greer · January 22, 2009

    I always wanted the girltalk game. That and dreamphone or whatever. I do like the girltalk books, though. I’ve been rereading them and there’s a scene where they play the zit-sticker game at a sleepover. Meta!

    I did have mall madness, though. My sister has a new version of it, and we play it when I baby-sit.

  34. NineJuanJuan · January 22, 2009

    Gert looks a little like Rumor Willis in the chin dept.
    Is anyone else disturbed by the sex organ likes visuals those slotted keys are giving off?

  35. baseballchica03 · January 22, 2009

    OMG, Scott is totally Alan Grey from the Babysitters Club books.

  36. Kitten Whitman · January 22, 2009

    I swear all of the Allison stickers were crinkled on top! Mine had the same pattern!

    I always preferred Jessica because she was me to a T–a daydreamer who hated exercising.

  37. Kitten Whitman · January 22, 2009

    Is Eric a young Lorenzo Lamas…?? Discuss!

  38. cnester · January 22, 2009

    I thought Jessica was sooooo pretty and had great hair!

  39. Anne · January 22, 2009

    I definitely had the Saved By The Bell game. But I missed these two. And I had the SVH board game too. I always wanted to be Lila because she looked the prettiest on the card.

  40. Red Fiat Spider · January 22, 2009

    I dug out my old SVH game from my parents’ house about a year ago. It’s amazing how after all these years Winston and Homer (from Girl Talk) look kinda cute and not nerdy. I think some of the GT guys did match up and the girls as well. I from what I remember, Homer and Gert did not actually match up! I love that mp3! The tacos and roller derby calls were my favorite.

  41. jen iroquai · January 22, 2009

    do you have any instructions with this game? I just bought it at Goodwill & my boyfriend and I want to play but we dunno how :(

  42. jen iroquai · January 22, 2009

    nevermind, I finally found a link… http://www.hasbro.com/common/instruct/Heartthrob.PDF
    :)

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