It seems as if they tried to cram too many little scenes in too many locations in this one, so none of them seemed to really have too deep an experience except maybe Stacey becoming interested in D-day (see, Stacey-bashers, dear Stacey IS a bright girl, despite her love of shopping and endless crushes).

Cokie’s good for laughs since even back in the old town, she makes an a$$ out of herself. I kept expecting her to smoke, then put a butt out on poor Mary Anne’s arse. It’s always fun watching stupid Cokie undo herself.

The startled, worried frown on Mary Anne’s face (complete with the vertical lines between those bushy brows of hers) when she and Claudia come in dripping wet and seeing Cokie sitting there on the floor and Cokie making the nasty comment about Mary Anne’s flat chest is priceless; I always laugh there.

LMAO, Upstatestruggler!

I put out the cigarette I had stolen from my mom and walked through the double doors of SMS. All hell was breaking loose.

That crybaby Mary Anne was screaming hysterically, surrounded by her bitch friends. “I can’t believe they want to send me home and blame all of this on ME. Everyone knows my father gives me lice checks every three days. There is no way that…”
Kristy glared at me and hissed at Mary Anne to stfu already. Did she want Cokie of all people to know what was going on?
I, of course, couldn’t have given a rat’s ass about St. Spier, but I was dying to know what was going on. I had to wait until homeroom to hear the TRUTH ABOUT MARY ANNE.

I walked through the door and spotted Claudia Kishi, who appeared to be sniffing her notebook. Probably trying to get a buzz from the glue she had used to attach hundreds of fuzzy pom poms to it. People always went on and on about her ‘artistic sensibility’ and ‘eye for style’, but I was pretty convinced by this point that she was just…slow, maybe? Completely color and pattern blind? The bastard child of Jackson Pollock?
Our homeroom teacher cleared her throat and began speaking in a strangled voice. “Class? I have an important announcement. It appears that there is a pestilence outbreak at SMS. Approximately 69…”
The class,predictably, broke up at the mention of 69. She recovered and continued, “…many students have been afflicted with crabs.”
The door flew open and in walked Stacey McGill, scratching her arm.
“EWWWWWW. Oh no. The crab ueen.”
Stacey managed to look both bored and mystified at the same time. Then she caught Claudia’s eye and laughed.
“Oh, the pubic lice thing. No biggie. Kids who grow up in NYC and shop at Bloomie’s every day get them all the time. They are just part of sophisticated life.”
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW.
——————-
So, apparently, Mary Anne had introduced crabs to our entire middle school. But how? She and Logan never had less than three layers of clothing each between their areas while they were studying or dancing. I had a hard time believing that she had caught them the old fashioned way. I knew they didn’t come from Logan anyway, because I had enticed him behind the bleachers just last week and didn’t see anything crawling anywhere. And I had been close enough to know.
——————–
I was standing at my locker later that day when someone grabbed a hold of my hair. I whipped around to see Mary Anne herself with the ends of my ponytail in her pale little hand.
“I just heard about what happened last week. Of course Logan came clean to me. When he explained everything in that southern drawl that he just can’t seem to shake, welll…” She appeared lost in dreamland for a second. Then she shook herself back and finished her thought. “…Just what do you mean, giving Logan those…”she lowered her voice…”crustaceans”?
“Pfft, bitch, if you have crabs…”and I not only didn’t lower my voice, but I raised it,” you didn’t
get them from me OR Logan. Maybe you should go ask your father”.
I woke up in the nurse’s office with a splitting headache and the taste of blood in my mouth.
————————————-
*fast wrap up. running out of time*
When the little buggers were found in SES (Stoneybrook Elementary, of course), they were finally able to trace them to those filthy Barrett children whose mother couldn’t be bothered to wash her kids. Mary Anne had indeed introduced them to SMS- she was the last of the BSC to have baby-sat them, and made the cardinal mistake of sitting on their toilet seat. This, of course, leads to Dawn taking charge and whipping the whole family into shape.

Jessi’s black?

MaryAnne Begs for MySpace
Claudia in the Special-Needs Class
Logan Plays GTA

Oh, yeah, and Jessi would be totes proud of Obama, because she’s black but they don’t notice!

ihatewheat- this was such a fab post. I hate Mallory though, and I’m from London so I think I would have found her dickhead storyline most irritating. What the fuck is it with the obsession with the Royal family? Nobody gives them half a thought over here.

Claudia and Too Many Fat Rolls

MaryAnne and the Mystery of Logan’s Sexuality

The Mystery of Stacey’s Quadruplets: Who is the Father???

BSC Super Edition #385 BabySitters Thailand Plastic Surgery Reunion Surprise!

Mallory Wants Jessi