Check out Part 1. I feel that these top five are pretty obvious.
5.Kurt from Sunset Island. Waaaahhhhhh, he’s working class, it’s sooo haaard being on this Island with all these rich tourists,when I had to work for a living, waaaaahhh, they don’t appreciate it, so I’m going to date one of the richest on the island and then throw it in her face all the time. And pressure her to get married. And seriously? The fights with Emma rival the Liz/Todd fights. Who would play him? Jason Priestly and his denim shirts:
4. Bruce Patman, Sweet Valley High. Well, his yuppy Republican charm sometimes gets through to me, but there’s no way we can forgive him for trying to take advantage of Liz while she was in her coma-induced slut phase. That, and the way he wears sweaters tied around his shoulders. Who would play him?
A young John Barrowman.
3.Mars from Pen Pals. Shanon’s pen pal was the goofy one. Firstly, he called himself mars, so there’s that, and he just tried way to hard to be goofy. He invented a pen holder, which was a handle to attach to a pen. I hate him. Who would play him?
Dustin Diamond.
2. Jed from the Caitlin series. Well, attempted sexual assualt is kind of an automatic guarantee to get on this list. But okay, we get it. You’re from Montana, You’re rugged and likem ranching. And you never really have anything interesting to say. Who would play him?
Anotnia Sabato, Jr. in underwear.
1. Todd “Wizzer” Wilkins from Sweet Valley High. Do I even have to justify it? The salty sweet kisses, the bad lovey dovey talk, the fighting, the cheating, the punching. And the fact he dates Liz. Who would play him?
C.Thomas Howell!
Alternative option: a giant douche.
Open -ended survey: Who did I miss on this list?
Randy Kirwan!!
xo
WHAT ABOUT SAM BURGESS? FROM SVU HE WAS THE BIGGEST JERK EVER!
I reckon Steven Wakefield would be a crappy boyfriend. He dumped Cara TWICE for somebody who looked like his dead ex, and then there’s the creepy incest vibe between him and Jessica.
HATED HATED HATED Sam Burgess. Of course I lurved his “badass” ways back in the day, but now his obsession with Liz’s v-card is just…creepy.
Ken Matthews isn’t a terrible person, but a) if Elizabeth’s Secret Diary is to be believed, he DID make out with Elizabeth while she and Todd were sort of together and Todd was in Vermont, and b) well…he’s just kinda boring.
Also, Keith Masterson from the Fabulous Five, for two-timing one of them with another. Ass.
George Warren sucked as a boyfriend to both Enid and Robin. Ronnie Edwards sucked, too. So did Hugh Greyson when he pitched a fit that her granny was in town. I guess anyone Enid dated sucked b/c she was such a wet blanket. Who would play all three of them?
Tom Wilkins from the SVU series FTW!
I agree that Ronnie Edwards, George Warren, and Todd Wilkins all sucked ass as boyfriends! And a GIANT DOUCHE could sooo play Todd!
Tom Watts?
Hellllo Bruce Patman!
What about Shari’s initial boyfriend from Remember Me, by Christopher Pike. Mike or something, he was pretty skeasy.
That Todd guy is perfect.
And LOL at that picture of John Barrowman.
John Barrowman would be *perfect* to play Bruce. Good call.
Anyone remember Michael Skye? Dates a 13-14-year-old and boinks her without a condom, then ditches her and his entire band when fame comes calling, then becomes all kinds of an addict.
Okay, so by the end he’s improving, but he could definitely use a slot here.
Mmmmmmmmmm, John Barrowman.
definitely tom watts! he was such a baby and a complainer.
Robert Brewster, Stacy’s longest BF in the BSC. He was pretty damn lame and cheated on her in the end. Then went crying to her later all depressed.
At least Tom had the courtesy to stop dating women. And Sam had the courtesy to die.
Omg… the Todd and Bruce ones were right ON THE MONEY. good job xD
Michael Skye! Totally, Jennifer!
I wouldn’t have put Bruce — I actually like him. But OMG, I totally don’t know the actor who you have as Todd, but he is seriously a Todd lookalike! That is crazy!
I would have added Jeffrey French to the list. He wasn’t a bad boyfriend per se — rather, he was way too GOOD of a boyfriend to someone who was a ridiculously bad girlfriend. Honestly, the whole way through “Brokenhearted” I just want to scream, “Come on, French! Grow a pair!”
To put it in 80s terms, Jeremy (Sue’s fiance in the delightful mid-90s SVH mini-series whose name I’ve forgotten) “sucked eggs” as a partner.
Total cad.
John Barrowman pic =essence of 1Bruce1. Best pic ever.
I have something to add about John Barrowman, (who’s semi-famous BTW for driving a Mercedes –I know, the stodgymiddle-aged version of 1Bruce1) .
He’s gay, which fits in quite well with the intensive homoeroticsm the ghosties pumped into the character of Bruce Patman.
Jennifer! Michael Skye of Sooner or Later and Waiting Games? Good call…..
I wish I could get a hold of Now or Never, I need to know how the Jessie/ Michael story concluded.
Man, I so heart Bruce. I am obvs a masochist for placing my YA love in the hands of a sorta date rapist who brushes up on a 16 year old’s boob, but I don’t care. Sigh.
Randy Kirwan?? for worst bf?? what are you smoking??? lol He was one of the better ones…!! I do agree with Keith Masterson though. MAJOR SUCKAGE. By the end of the FF series he had dated 2 out of the 5 girls, and was trying to out with a third. if that doesn’t say douche i don’t know what does…
“He’s gay, which fits in quite well with the intensive homoeroticsm the ghosties pumped into the character of Bruce Patman.”
Yes, yes it does, Bart Templeton. Many thanks for confirming one of my long-standing suspicions re: John Barrowman! I had a bet riding with one of my high school pals that he was — she insisted he wasn’t. Hehehe. She owes me a Coke.
OMG, Todd the giant douche! When I was reading this at work and got to that part I burst out laughing and everybody turned around and looked at me. It was funny. (works front desk at dental office).
The actors for Bruce and Todd are perfect. Bruce is my favorite character from SVH. He’s so bipolar. ^_^
Siiigh … possibly one of the major tragedies of my life is that while the fictional Cap’n Jack Harkness would certainly shag me if I met him, in real life John Barrowman probably would not.
I kind of always wanted to be Lila Fowler, but that’s because I was a brunette. I had Lila-Bruce fantasies.
Delurking for John Barrowman luv, but this blog is hysterical!
Oh wow. Bruce Patman = John Barrowman = the best thing I have ever seen.