Elizabeth: Oh Patty[pat, pat] I’m so sorry that you are black.
Patty: That’s ok- wait, WHAT? That’s not why I’m upset. Why would you say that?
Elizabeth: well, you know…uh…. I mean, you’re not blue eyed and blond-haired. Isn’t that what your trouble is all about?
Patty: [SIGH] GEESH! Don’t you know this useless and uneventful book was created for the sole purpose of the creators to say that they did have positive black characters? And to say that they even HAVE black characters? So after this book they can go back to you crazy bitches going to dances and being chased by serial killers and feel okay about themselves.
Elizabeth: Oh, yea! That makes sense. So that’s why I am conveniently doing student profiles for The Oracle and I picked you to write it on, so I can conveniently be part of the plot even though this book is really about you.
Patty: Yea, so anyway, do you want to hear about my boy trouble?
E: Yes, wait. Let me get into position. My hand should go riiiiigghhhht here. Ok.
P: So, my boyfriend is supposed to come home last weekend, but my sister came home and announced she is getting married. So I called my boyfriend Jim to see if he could come home another weekend and he got mad and we had a big fight. So then I was at the movies the next night and saw him with some girl and then I got mad. And then my sister got all bridezilla on me and I yelled at her and then she was mad at me. It was all a big mess but it all worked out in the end.
E: Really? No dance was involved? No serial killers? No cults, vampires, or cheerleading competitions?
P: Um, no.
E: Wow, I can’t believe that was it! And you got a whole book out of it? Soooo, what does this have to do with you being black?
P: Dammit Liz! Nothing! The authors wanted to show that black people are just like white people and have the same petty issues! In fact, we ourselves don’t even seem to realize we are black!
E: Yea, but it did mention your “pretty dark eyes” and “dark hair” and called you a “pretty black girl” every other paragraph.
P: I know, but I don’t write the thing.
E: True…uh, I guess I gotta go, Mr. Collins called me and asked me to wash his car for him, and he asked me to wear a white t-shirt, and I gotta swing by home to get it. This was a great interview! I’m so glad we will finally have a picture of a black person in The Oracle! Btw, I love your pearls. Very country club.
P: Yea, love your barrettes, I guess. I am really unsure why our breasts have disappeared.
Elizabeth: Kay, bye! Here’s my card, call me if you need to talk.
Patty: Good riddance. I REALLY need to ask my parents if we can move.