Wow, after I stopped reading the series, the BSC got really cranky and was more interested in cutting each other down. I just read this one for the first time, because you know my feelings about super specials. What a mess.

So SMS is putting on a play- Peter Pan, and it’s really a district-wide thing, because kids from the high school and elementary school are also auditioning. Because the producer, Mr. Cheney, must be on crack. Because putting on a play with lots of little kids is a good idea. Chya. BUT of course that allows the BSC to further hang out with little kids in their free time, which we know they love to do.

I don’t know who Watson paid off or Kristy’s Mom slept with, because Kristy has the lead as Peter Pan and Karen and David Michael get major roles. Karen is the most spoiled brat on the planet. She throws a temper tantrum because she wants to play Tinkerbell in the human form and wear a fairy costume, and the school gives in. And THEN she screams she wants fairy dust. Oh, dear god, how I hate this child.

Jessi is so sure that she will get the role of Peter Pan and is overconfident and then is bitchy to everyone when she gets a small part. Eventually Mr. Cheney makes her assistant choreographer, because it’s a genius idea for an eleven year old to be in charge of that. When Jessi sees that she is not listed as “assistant producer” in the program, she takes her name out. She is really a bitter brat almost on the Karen level. Jessi is black, btw.

Mary Anne of course doesn’t want a part, but she hangs out with the kids anyway so Mr. Cheney makes her the “backstage babysitter” so of course Mary Anne foams at the mouth and is all proud to work for free. In fact, she gets pissed when Mallory tries to talk to her OWN brothers and sisters, who are all conveniently in the play as well and MA gets all huffy and is all, “I’M the backstage babysitter, so fuck off Mallory.” Geez, the older members still get a kick of acting superior over their “junior members.”

Mal’s plot is that she is the assistant costume whatever, and is embarassed to take the boys’ measurements. Thrilling.

Logan is a pirate and acts like a tool and gets kicked out of the play but then asked back. He gets a chapter from his perspective, and thank god it wasn’t written with his southern accent, which the writer usually likes to express phonetically.

Claudia’s painting scenery and is afraid it will fall over. Again, thrilling.

Stacey is dating Sam Thomas and is pissed he never introduces her to his high school friends. She and Sam are cast as Mr. And Mrs. Darling and she is all embarassed when Sam loves to joke about them being married. Shut up Stacey, you got what you wanted, why are you so pissed. Sam, in his chapter, describes Stacey as “gorgeous, sophisticated, and popular” when in fact she is not so popular because she only hangs out with the BSC (until she grows some ovaries later on in the series). So really, by that theory, Kristy is as popular as Stacey.

Jackie Rodowsly is cast as the youngest Darling child, and of course hilarity ensues when he falls all over the place. THEN WHY CAST HIM? Although, I always felt bad for Jackie, he seems like a sweet kid but the BSC hate all over him.

Cokie gets a chapter! I have to say, I am with her in her mocking of the BSC, they are pretty lame, cliquey…AND LOVE TO HANG OUT WITH LITTLE KIDS! I wish she had her own series. She plays Tiger Lilly and gets annoyed when Kristy can’t remember her lines, which IS annoying.

Dawn, the hippy drippy California gal, decides that the play is pretty sexist and wants to update it. Of course, none of the BSC support her in this and just bitch at her to say the right lines. Meanwhile, Kristy, try to remember your freaking lines and maybe act GRATEFUL that you got the lead. I think Kristy and Dawn still have that tension over sharing MA as a bff. Is MA really worth it?

‘Member how the Super Specials have illustrations? And how the girls always look really fugly? They also never have them in fun outfits, like they talk about. And they give Mallory hideous Sally Jesse Raphael glasses. The cover though, is like the most awesome ever. Kristy looks pretty great, actually, and Dawn looks Nicole-Ritchie skinny. Claudia’s outfit- not thrilling. MA looks gorgeous. Logan looks about nine years old.

I can’t deal with all the handwritten stuff, it’s so annoying. Don’t even get me started on Claudia’s stupidosity, but Jessi’s swoopy writing makes me want to gauge my eyes out. Every Super Special has one person requiring others to keep a written account of something, like they give each other fucking homework. Taking a relaxing vacation? Let’s make a mandatory scrapbook. Your friends are missing at sea after a big storm? LET’S MAKE A JOURNAL TO DOCUMENT OUR PAIN! In this one, Jessi gets a job at the SMS newspaper and is writing about people’s experience in the play so she makes everyone submit notes to her.

So maybe it’s a new lens I am looking through, but the BSC seem to be squabbling with each other more than being besties…kinda burst my bubble when I used to read these and dream one day to have a group of friends like the BSC. And I wish that Jessi and Mallory would step up and tell the older members to stop treating them like children…but oh wait, they are.

Hey, remember those episodes of Head of the Class where they would put on the musical? And the cast consisted of basically ONLY the students from the one class and no one else in the school was in it? This is like it. Besides the BSC, and all the kids they sit for, there are like, five people not BSC-related. What is this, an episode of Saved By the Bell?

Many of you mentioned this as a memorable BSC book, so I decided to reread it. In fact, my parents just camr to visit me from Florida, and before they came I insisted they go up in the attic, search through my huge collection of old books, and bring it with them on the plane. Thanks mom!

This one was fucking overloaded with outfit descriptions. I guess when the BSC ghostwriters get stuck, they just describe every detail of someone’s outfit.

All Mal wants to do is get her ears pierced and to look “cooler” and pierced ears are her gateway to cool world. In fact, she goes to the mall just to watch people get their ears pierced and salivates. Until Margo almost throws up. That girl sure did vomit a lot.

Mallory is always so intimidated by the rest of the BSC. Kristy maybe because she’s a cold hearted beast, but she is really in awe of Claudia, mostly because she dresses like a mental patient. And Dawn because she’s so unique. Remember how every five seconds we had to hear how unique Dawn was? If she was so unique, why did she always settle for being Maryanne’s OTHER best friend? Also, I can’t believe that Mal and Jessi are ELEVEN! Would someone really leave their kid with an eleven year old?

Mallory is obsessed with pierced ears, so much that at the BSC meeting she practically orgasms over the earrings present. “Claudia was wearing earrings that looked like little red sneakers….Dawn had clip on turquoise triangles.” How Golden Girls of her.

Oh yea, plot. Mal gets a regular job sitting for the Arnold twins who are totally identical and their deranged mother dresses them identically but they are really pissed because they want their own identities. And they get snotty with Mal until she buys them birthday presents that are catered to their individual interests and that makes them like her and she helps them talk to their mother about it. Because all parents love eleven year olds how to raise their children. But that gives Mal the chutzpa to talk about her own parents about her need to look cooler, and they let her pierce her ears and cut her hair and buy clothes with her own money. oooo, how rebellious.

Fuck plot. Back to the outfits.

We get lots of twin outfit descriptions. “Both girls were wearing blue kilts with straps that went over the shoulders [as opposed to under?], white blouses with lace edging and collars and sleeves, white knee socks, and black patent leather Mary Jane shoes. Their brown hair was cut in a bowl shape, framing their faces, and each twin had a blue headband with a blue bow on the side of it.”

Mrs. Arnold dresses like an Orlando prostitute: “In a moment a fussy-looking woman came down the stairs. Do you know what I mean by fussy? I mean, everything about her was too much and too cute. She was wearing two necklaces, a pin, bracelets on each wrist, rings, earrings, and even an ankle bracelet. Her stockings were lacey, and she was, well, as Claud might have said, overly accessorized. [Claud should talk.] There were bows on her shoes, a bow on her belt, a bow in her hair, and a bow at the neck of her blouse. Her sweater was beaded and she hadn’t forgotten to pin a fake rose to it. Whew! As for cute, her earrings were in the shape of ladybugs, one of her necklaces spelled her name- Linda- in gold script, her pin was in the shape of a mouse, and the bow in her hair was a ribbon with a print of tiny ducks on it.”

Mallory gets a hard on exaaming the BSC’s outfits during the meeting. Claudia: “Her long hair was fixed in about a million tiny braids which were pulled back behind her head with a column of puffy ponytail holders. She was wearing a T-shirt she painted herself, tight blue pants that ended just past her knees, push down socks, and no shoes. From her ears dangled small baskets of fruit. She’d made those, I knew. She’s found the baskets and the fruits at a store that sells miniatures. Claudia amazes me.” I don’t understand, was the word capri pants not invented yet?

“Maryanne was wearing a short, plum-colored skirt over a plum-and-white-striped body suit. The legs of the bodysuit stopped just above her ankles, [as opposed to past her ankles?] and she’s tucked the bottoms into her socks. The neat thing about the outfit was that she was wearing suspenders.” Maryanne was wearing a bodystocking? I just can’t picture it. What a pain to deal with when you have to pee.

Mallory would copy Dawn’s entire outfit. “Dawn was wearing oversized (really oversized) blue shirt. [yes nothing more flattering than making youself look like a potato sack.]One of the coolest things about it was that it was green inside, so that when she turned the collar down and rolled the sleeves up, you could see those nice touches of green at her neck and wrists. She was wearing a green skirt- and clogs. I’d never seen a person actually wearing clogs, just photos of people in Sweden.” Dawn is SO ORIGINAL!!!! Haven’t you heard?

Mal takes the twins to the mall to get their new clothes. One of the twins gets a Jean skirt and ruffly white blouse. The other gets a sweatshirt with gold moon and stars on it, and “cool jeans”. Whaddya gonna do, they’re eight. Come to think of it, Mallory is eleven, only three years older than the kids she sits. While at the mall, Mallory buys blue push-down socks and has an aneurysm she is so excited. Does she mean slouch socks? Those are cool and her mother didn’t buy her those previously? Remember when you wore about three pairs at once and then your shoes wouldn’t fit?

She also buys earrings for herself and Jessi that look like open books. And she wants her ears pierced to be cool? I may as well buy a tapestry vest with cats embroidered on it.

Later the BSC accompany Jessi and Mal to the mall when they get their ears pierced. Claudia gets a second hole in one ear and Dawn calls her mom to get permission, and her mom lets fer get two in each ear. Probably because her Mom was drunk and was busy storing her shoes in the fridge. Mallory also gets her haircut to be short and fluffy. Um, cool?

Kristy is such an asshole during meetings. And she wears a fucking visor. Unless she is a banker from the 1940s, that is ridiculous. And Claudia eating all the junkfood and being skinny? I hate that.

I kind of forgot about the BSC notebook, which is ridiculous and such a waste of time. And we get some obnoxious entires that were written by two sitters that read like a dialogue. “Wow this was the worst sitting job ever!” “You can say that again!” “It was crazy!” “I know!” I’m paraphrasing, but still.

Claudia sits for the Arnold twins once and she hates them. “Malery, you can have the twines,” she writes. First of all, what kind of moron can’t even spell their friend’s name? And I am so over her bad spelling. Seriously, mom and Dad, get her a fucking tutor.

And with that, I am off to start reading the 6 new Caitlin books I just got in the mail. Life is good.

UPDATE: If you want to see Claudia Kishi’s impact on fashion, read some Blue States Lose columns from Gawker.

I’m sad to see the demise of the fantastic blog BSC Headquarters, and because of it I haven’t really ventured into rereading my BSC books. I don’t plan on rereading all of them (I’ve got my hands full with the twins and Caitlin) but I am going to occasionally reminisce about the memorable moment for me. Little known fact: I only really read up to #45 (For me, Kristy organizing the baby parade really jumped the shark). I wanted to share what I find to be the without a doubt, best BSC book ever, and should I DARE say one of the best YA series books ever.

Are you ready for it?

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