Monthly Archives: February 2008

The Jellyfish Season

Posted on by
40

Thank you to someone in the Lost and Found who helped me remember this book, and I snatched it up at my library (which has an awesome “young teen” section, btw) Also, mary Dowmng Hahn is quite the kickass author. Because she is able to really depicts young people’s problems and stuff without being condesding.

Anyhoo, Kathleen, who is twelve, family has four girls, and she is the oldest. Her father just lost his job, so they have to sell their house and move in with her aunt and uncle on the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland. They have to deal with their bitchy fourteen-year-old cousin Fay nd deal with her parents fughting and stuff. Kathleen is awkward and bookish, Patsy is ten and a smart-ass, Mo is the kid and Rosie is the baby. Fay is also secretly dating a twenty-year old sailor named Joe, who they all grow a little bit attached to.

Fay may be the meanest, most obnoxious character I have ever read. maybe even worse than Jessica. Is that possible? She is so obnoxious and immature, and dresses to show off her big boobs. Joe thinks she is 18, and I am not sure how she convinces him. The ironic thing to me is that Kathleen is very self-concious of her tall, thin, bony frame, and is envious of Fay’s “plump” figure. In fact, Fay is mentioned as being “pudgy” often. Maybe it is because of the times? You would think now that being rail thin is what girls want to be. I don’t think you hear so much about girls being mad because they are flat-chested, it’s more that girls are mad because their hipbones are not jutting out above their jeans. it’s all perspective, I guess.

They all hang out at the beach a lot, because Fay is forced to take them, and thay all become attached to Joe. Kathleen is secretly jealous of when Fay makes out with him, and Jow tries to make her feel better by telling her that she really is a pretty girl. If Joe wasn’t dating a 14 year old, he is actually not much of a creep. Finally, Patsy tells Joe Fay’s secret and Fay’s parents find out, and they have a shit fit and Joe makes himself scarce, which is probably a good idea. Fay is distraught and enlists Kathleen into helping her sneak out to see him at a bar, and they are found by the police and get in trouble again. Fay and kathleen start to get a long a little bit. Kathleeon’s father takes a job working for their uncle, and they nd up finding a house nearby. Also, Kathleen’s mother is pregnant and her father starts drinking a lot. But, things seem t look up a little bit in the end.

You know, it is so HARD to snark on ome of these books, becuase this was seriously a good one and one of my favorites when I first read it. I actually got emotional from it and I wish there was a sequel because I wanted to know if everything turned out okay and what happened to Kathleen!

I tink it shows good writing in children’s literature (and other literature for that matter) to not have these forced intoductions and character intros (they were identical in looks, right down to their matching lavelieres. But that is where the similarites ended….) but to give you a sense if a character through their actions and dialogue.

Ah, I love reading books from my past that give me the warm fuzzies and not fits of rage….

Taffy’s side of the story, or The Truth About Taffy Sinclair

Posted on by
43

Gee Taff, that’s not just a sweatshirt, that’s a SWEATSHIRT. With matching stretch pants. That matches the color of your hair. And while you’re at it, run a comb through it, will ya?

I remember being stoked for this one, because it is from Taffy’s point of view. I wanted to hear what she really thought of Jana. I really wish this one was better and that Taffy had a little more substance. It was really hyped up as being “the other side of the story”. I remember my anticipation on my way home from B. Dalton at the mall when I got it. Sure, she was misunderstood and most kids were jealous of her. And Jana and her friends really are nasty little bitches. I wish Taffy was nicer to Mona Vaughn, who was really her only friend through all of this. But Mona is poor and not pretty, and Taffy holds that against her. Well, they are only in sixth grade. Taffy should be nicer to people considering how she’s been treated. But I guess as a kid, all she knows about relationships is what she sees around her.

Can I mention that it made me hate Jana even more? Her clique is really a bunch of little bullies. I agree with Taffy, why is Jana popular? She is arguably as self-absorbed as Taffy. When I pictured Jana, for some reason, I always pictured her as…unwashed. Like she needs to be called into the school nurse’s office for some lessons on hygeine. I don’t know why I always had that picture in my head. It has nothing to do with the fact she comes from a single-parent home, I think it just matched her bitchy personality.

While they are cleaning out their lockers, someone takes Taffy’s diary. She is freaked out because people will know the truth- the truth being… that she is vulnerable! That she is a normal pre-teen girl! Funny, last night before I wrote this I dreamt that I was in a clique led by Amy Winehouse and I really hated them all, but I had to act all mean and aloof to not show my true feelings. Taffy wrote entries about the events of the other books, and basically admitted how hurt she was by Jana’s actions and how she secretly longed to be friends with Jana and Melanie. And also wrote some bitchy stuff about the other girls. Funny, she glossed over the whole teaching-Melanie-to-be-bulimic thing.

Oh, she also writes how she is sooooooooo in love with Randy Kirwan, who is Jana’s boyf. What is with this kid and his hold over women? If you say it’s his 1000-watt smile, I will kill you. She spends a lot of the book flirting with him. Curtis Trowbridge, class nerd, is having a graduation party and someone is threatening to read Taffy’s diary aloud. Really, it was just class perv Clarence Marshall who balckmails Taffy into kissing him. He stole her diary and in an act of metaphorical cleansing, Taffy throws her diary into the fire at the party. Taffy, bad idea. As much as you think you shouldn’t write those things, you’ll want it later. I wrote tons of short stories and once tried to write a teen romance novel, and I threw them away before I left for college and was cleaning out my room. Not a day goes by where I wish I could read that stuff. I would have even posted excerpts from the novel on this blog if I had it. Oh, and I also made a lot of illustrations to accompany The Fabulous Five books. All rotting away in a landfill somewhere.

Anyhoo, Taffy’s mother is a scary stage mother and tells Taffy she can’t eat a lot because she has to keep her figure so she can get tc gigs. Taffy also has an audition lined up for the night of the party and her parents hire a limo to take her to the audition. Taffy reschedules the interview so she can take the limo to the party. She had planned on giving Randy a ride home in her limo to “seduce” him, but she ends up giving the whole class a ride home, which was pretty cute.

I remember that Jana and the gang had a new set of enemies in junior high, but I can’t remember much about Taffy. I know she did still try to steal Randy from Jana and failing at that. I do hope that she did come into her own and find some people to hang with.

I just had a thought- the girls that were considered “really pretty” in my sixth grade class…turned out to be not so pretty as they got older. Being pretty as a child and as an adult can be mutually exclusive.

attention librarians

Posted on by
37

Hello, good news (for me)…I was accepted into a MLIS program! I know there are lots of LIS people on here, so I thought I’d share the good news. I was also wondering if any of you would be willing to answer some of my questions about it. If so, please email me at thedairiburger@gmail.com to let me know. Much appreciated!

I also know that several people reading this are interested in grad programs/careers in Library & Info Sciences, so feel free to have a general discussion here.

Dawn goes emo

Posted on by
22

The Cali Diaries were way after my time…but I was always intrigued. It was supposed to be more “realistic”- dealing with real issues, and not just prganizing baby parades and dance recitals. In a way, I can see the benefits- but there was something refreshing about the innocence and wholesomeness of the BSC. It made me feel like true happiness in friendships exist- that no matter who you were or what you wore you could still have a group of friends. I was nervous to see the people in the BSC world be corrupted.

So, it is a diary- that means the whole thing was written in Dawn’s handwriting. How annoying! But if you think back to the handwriting from the BSC notebook, I am glad it wasn’t Claudia’s with the mispelling or Stacey’s stupid hearts over her “i’s”. Most of it is diary-style and explains more of Dawn’s thoughts, but it also includes dialogue among her friends. Whose diary included actually dialogue between people?

So, Sunny Winslow’s Mom is in the hospital dying of cancer and Dawn is being all judgemental that Sunny isn’t visiting her as much as she should. Shut up Dawn, are you also going to lecture us on the benefits of recycling? Her friend Maggie is a recovering anorexic and she has another friend Amalia, and I don’t know the deal with her. They also have a guy friend named Ducky who is sixteen whose friend recently tried to kill himself. I don’t know why Ducky hangs out with a bunch of thirteen-year-old girls, but hey, to each his own.

What happened to the We [Heart] Kids Club? Maybe they all looked at each other one meeting and said “why the fuck are we doing this? We are thirteen and should be sewing our oats.” Not that thirteen year olds use that expression, but you get my point.

The other main thing is that Dawn really wants to go to a concert by her favorite band Jax with Ducky and the gals, but she needs to convince her father and her evil stepmother Carol to let her go. Her swooning over the singer of the band reminded me how much I used to moon over bands when I was thirteen. My room was plastered with pictures of Sebastian Bach. Okay, and maybe the Nelson Twins. With a little bit of Bret Michaels. Oh hell, I still moon over bands that way now.

Okay, you know what? This book ain’t half bad. A lot of it is just simple thoughts and observations about her friends and family. So maybe stuff isn’t resolved in one book like the original BSC, but I felt I was actually reading a thirteer year old’s thoughts.

Ducky and Sunny end up getting drunk so Dawn needs to call her Dad to pick them up and Dawn gets in trouble and Sunny continues to be mad at her. Sunny actually acts like a real beast and chides Ducky for not having friends his own age. Ouch! Something tells me Ducky comes out in the later books. Finally, Dawn and Sunny make up because Sunny admits that she is pushing people away so she doesn’t need to get close to them.

n the regular BSC series, Dawn’s persona was being the “California casual” girl. Now that she is in California, what makes her special? She turns into yet another angsty pre-teen. Thank god there was not a lot of mention of alfalfa sprouts and tofu or long, white-blond hair.
In one passage on a Sunday night, Dawn wonders what her friends are doing in Stoneybrook and comments that they always have so much planned that they need another weekend to recover from the weekend! Yea, Kristy is a regular party animal!

I would have said it would be cool to advance Dawn and her group of friends to at least fourteen- but they are still thirteen. So in one year, Dawn moves to CT, joins the BSC, Jeff moves back to California, Dawn visits about a hundred times, and then decides to move back herself? It is a bit ridiculous.

Alice doesn’t live here anymore, or #25 Nowhere to Run

Posted on by
36

The ghostwriter of this one FAILS AT LIFE.

I know it is like crying wolf when I keep saying that “this is the worst SVH book ever” but maybe this one is it. The ghostwriter not only failed basic literature classes, but also was either raised in Antarctica or inside a plastic bubble because no one in reality ever acts like this. It’s like an unfunny episode of Full House.

I can barely write about it. But, the cover already tells us several things:
1. Emily is a brunette, and is therefore not as good as a Wakefield.
2. Liz is concerned for her, so you know that Emily’s life must be complete shit.
3. Neither of these teens have breasts.
4. Liz’s barettes do not match her outfit exactly, so she probably woke up late and was in a hurry.

Here we go. Emily Mayer, who is the drummer of the droids, grew up with her father after her mother left them when Emily was a kid. Because SVH is all up in useless gossip, she is ashamed that her mother left and told everyone that she died. Mr. Emily just married a heinous bitch named Karen who just had a baby named Karrie. Yes, that’s her name. Karen bosses Emily around and makes her babysit all the time and always blames her for everything and is basically acts like the stepmother from hell. Mr. Emily is a complete pushover and does not notice any of this and tells Emily to be nicer to Karen, because Karen is having a rough time. It seems like Karen even hates her own baby, but that’s another issue. Karen forces Emily to quit the drums and it all comes to a head when Em and her crush/The Droids bassist are practicing in Emily’s basement and Karen comes down and yells at Emily. Now, it can be embarassing when your parents yell at you in front of your friends, but for Emily it’s like the sign of the apocolypse.

Of course, she runs to Liz for help. She doesn’t even know Liz, but of course she “hears” that Liz is good at helping people with their problems. I’ll bet it’s because Liz hangs up fucking flyers in the bathroom with the little tear-off tabs with her home number. Karen is with Karrie when the baby starts choking and Emily performs the Hemlich maneuver (I guess she was paying attention to the poster in the high school cafeteria) and saves the baby. Mr. Emily comes home and sees the situation and thinks Emily hurt the baby and Karen does nothing to defend her. What the fuck? This just went from family drama to Law and Order. Emily plans on running away but finally Karen and Pa come and beg her to stay and Karen admits she doesn’t know how to raise her own child and she is sorry and Mr. Emily sees the error of his ways. Oh yea, and Emily sold her drums earlier but her crush Dan bought them from her to eventually give back to her and of course they get together at the end. Because how else would you know that the book was ending if there wasn’t a new couple formed?

Elsewhere, Ned’s parents, Grandma Wakefield and Grandpa Wakefield, are visiting from Michigan. And yes, the twins and Steven call them “Grandpa Wakefield” and “Grandma Wakefield” so there’s that. Like they want to be sure to note that they are actually Ned’s parents. [Were they mentioned in the Wakefield Legacy?] Jessica is enthralled with them and talks of nothing else. At first I was thinking, wow, Jessica is actually respectful of her elders, but it’s actually because she is jealous of the other kids who get to see their grandparents often. Leave it to Jess to make it about herself. They do crazy shit like go hot air ballooning and eat Chinese food with the twins. We get some passages from Alice’s point of view, and she starts to feel like a bad mother because the twins would rather spent time with their G-parents than her. First of all, they are visiting for like a week, so what the fuck Alice, just let them spend time together. Second of all, you JUST NOW REALIZE that you are a bad mother? How about the fact that one of your daughters is the biggest cocktease in the county? Or the other one is a condescending asshole? Ugh. Why even bring up this plot? Ned tells the twins this and what is their solution? They plan to throw the g-parents a going away party and ask their Mom to help them out. That automatically makes Alice feel better. Not only do the twins solve everyone else’s problems, but they also have a special power over adults.

Of course, Emily runs straight to the Wakefields after she runs away and of course, Grandma Wakefield forces her on her bosom and demands she talk to them. And then the Mayers come over to grovel towards Emily there so the Wakefields can look on smugly. Charles and Caroline Ingalls pulled this shit all the time.

What’s the moral of the story? If you don’t have a hetero-nuclear family, you are shit out of luck. And babies choke sometimes. Oh, and parents, you should always bend over and take it from your kids. I think the kids are taking lessons from the Stephanie Green school of controlling your parents.

Grade: F

WARNING: NO SNARK AHEAD: Ten Kids, No Pets

Posted on by
22

Oh. my. god. This book is incredible. And I am being serious. It is actually harder for me to for real praise a book, because the snark comes easier for me than the praise. Go figure. Ann M. Martin, when she is actually writing the books, is a really great children’s author. She really does have a good way of writing from a child’s perspective. That’s probably why the earlier BSC books are good. Here’s the deal: The Rosso family has 10 kids, each a year apart, and their names are alphbetical, chosen in order from the baby book. So they have some wacky names. They just moved from New York City to a farmhouse is Jersey (Ann loves those farmhouses). First off, how did they live an apt with 10 kids? Okay, I think there were only 3 bedrooms, but if you have ten kids, how and why in the fuck would you live in NYC? From the descriptions it seems like they also lived in midtown Manhattan, which is also kind of unikely. Ann really loves talking about NYC but in reality she doesn’t really know much about it. The kids all want a pet, but the mother always say “ten kids is enough.” I kind of want one of the kids to retort: “well, it’s not my fault you don’t believe in birth control”.

Each chapter is written from a different kid’s perspectice which I thought (and still do) is awesome. To this day I actually prefer books that are written from multiple character’s perspectives (i.e. Home At the End of the World, most Douglas Coupland books, to name a few). When I tried writing my own teen novel, I always had lots of characters and wrote different chapters based on them. *

Ann really liked to write about families with lots of kids (i.e., the Pikes) and now I see why. They are tons of fun. Now I know when I was growing up I wished I had tons of brothers and sisters. There was always someone around to play with or to create drama. Even if you didn’t have friends as a kid, you kind of did. Not that I want to have kids or anything…

Abigail: her chapter describes the move and how it takes them hours to pack up and leave because no one is ever ready to leave at once. Plus, she’s embarassed because she’s a teenager

Calandra: is reading the Secret Garden and wants to find a Secret Place, and she finds a secret room in her house which CONVENIENTLY has a diary of a girl from the early part of the century, also describing how they have no pets.

Ira: he’s seven, and poor kid, he’s anal retentive. The kids start their first day of school and Ira is embarassed because he has so many siblings and all with unusual names. So during show and tell he tells the class that he has pet monkeys and cobras and tarantulas and the class likes him. Finally he has to tell the truth but the class still likes him. Awwww! He is such a cutie. And will probably need massive therapy when he is older

Dagwood: convinces the parents to let them have a Halloween party. He dresses as a famous magician, and his littlest sister Jan is his assistant, and loves the costume idea because she gets to wear sparkly things and her new Mary Janes. that cracked me up)

Eberhard: likes solving mysteries, and tries to solve the mystery of why their garbage keeps getting turned over. He concludes that it is a person on stilts, when it is actually a deer fawn. The family laughs at his idiocy.

The creepy twins find a nest of baby birds and take care of them. I find them irritating.

Jan is kind of bratty and loves being the baby and demands attention all the time.

Bainbridge tries to start a football team and then gives up (it’s a pointless plot device.) The kids find a kitten and they are allowed to keep it because Mama Russo is PREGGERS! AGAIN!

Ah. What a feel-good book. It’s got tons of fun anectodes about how the household runs and the quirkiness of the parents. Not at all a freaky family like the Duggars. I am feeling all warm and squishy now, so I’ll be meaner next time. It won’t be hard because I am reading Elizabeth’s Secret Diary which is beyond stupid.

*yes, the truth comes out. In my tween years I wrote some YA “romance” books which I found a couple years ago when my parents were moving and I had to come home to go through my old stuff. At the time I ran it out to the dumpster because I would be MORTIFIED if anyone found it. I kind of wish I had kept it because I totally would have posted it on here. Another time I’ll tell you all about it.

Sometimes I like to pretend my grandmother is my cleaning lady, or Rosa’s Lie #81

Posted on by
52

Wow. No words for this glorious cover. First off, it looks like Rosa’s left boob is going to keep growing and overtake her whole body. Jessica’s jacket? Dayum. And Liz’s jeans are way high. My question is, how can one ever look at this and be okay with it? I guess we were. I was watching old episodes of 90210 and realized that Brenda’s jeans were under her armpits, but I still wanted to be her. So much that I had her bangs from age 15 to 22. That’s another story.

Rose Jameson is a sensation! She just started SVH, and at least 10 boys have asked her out so far. if you are a poor sophomore, that makes you the town whore. Pi Beta Alpha is alo accepting new pledges, and off course they want Rosa! She’s pretty! She’s popular! Does she hae any sort of personality? The book doesn’t indicate so. But, I guess, who cares?

But…shhhhh, don’t tell anyone…Rose is Mexican. She is really ashamed and doesn’t want anyone in Sweet Valley to know. That is why she changed her name from Rosa to Rose, and it relieved that her parents could pass for white. Now, before you pass judgement on Rosa, think about it. She is just a kid and living in Sweet Valley. Wouldn’t you jump at the chance to not be ostracized and tokenized? To further make her feel like shit, she watched Lila act like a bitch to her maid, who is Mexican. Lila complains….oh Lila, stop making it hard to like you! Apparently, all the Mexican kids at school hang out together. This is first I’ve heard of any non-Caucasion students, minus Jade and Manuel.

She is doing everything she can to hide it, and in fact, makes up this whole story about how she moved from Boston and her parents are decendents of colonists and her ancestors came over on the Mayflower. She goes overboard with the whiteness there. I am surprised she doesn’t tel anyne her family runs a working plnatation. She tells Lila that she was a debutante in Boston Society and that makes Lila putty in her hands.

Through all this pledging, Liz and Enid are both involved in the festivities. Oh, it’s okay for them to bash PBA but when they get the chance to judge people they jump right on board! Hypocrites! hate!

To make matters worse, Rosa’s grandmother will be visiting from Mexico. This is the first time she has seen Nana in years, and of course all she can think about is what will her new friends think? Also, Nana rules. I want her to have her own spin-off series. Could have been an awesome SV Saga, but can you imagine their depictions of Mexico? Lots of burros and sombreros. Anyway. Nana does awesome things like copy the pattern of Rosa’s favorite “American” dress and make her own with emroidery, etc. And bakes a fantastic cake for party Rosa is having for her friends, but Rosa thinks it looks too “Mexican” and throws it away, uneaten. At that same party, she had planned for her parents to take Nana to a concert, but Nana comes back because she frgot something and Rosa tells everyone that it “was just the cleaning lady.” OH. MUH. GAWD. Can we make a list of the most awful things that characters do? This may even be above anything Amy Sutton ever did.

Finally, at the closing pledge picnic, Rosa thinks she is going to get away with everything, but wouldncha know, a pesky Mexican girl has to go ahead and wonder into the picnic and fall into a well. What are the odds? Rosa can either let the girl suffer and die and keep her secret, or talk to the girl in Spanish and tell her to calm down. She actually hesitates for a while with that one. Finally, she decides to talk to the girl. Now, if I were Rosa, I could have still kept my cover by saying something like, “I picked up my Spanish during summers at our resort in Cabos San Lucas” or some shit like that. But she runs away in tears, and the gals come find her at home and tell her “It’s okay that your Mexican, we don’t mind, we’ll overlook it.” What the fuck? Again, another time that I wish a character would tell the SVH posse to fuck off and die and just be theselves, but no, acceptance by them is the only thing that matters.

Wait, Rosa has a little bit of a spine, because at the induction ceremony she decides not to join, because she needs to be a part of something that celebrates who she is and not “overlooks” it. Well, that was kind of a victory, although she vows to stay friends with everyone. Which, I don’t think happens because I am pretty sure we never hear from her again.

The secondary story is that Todd wants to amp up the frat because he is sick of Bruce being a dick. It took 70 books for him to realize this? They both propose pledges and keep proposing more and more obnoxious dares for each one. Finally, at the end, they kiss and make up and let everyone in. They WISH they kissed. Again, can we get some adult at the school to grow some balls and monitor this? One of the tasks is to steal a clock from the school and to steal a schoolbus. The good thing is that we get tons of SVH students coming out of the woodwork to add to the list. Although it is kind of weird, being at we are in book 70 and we’ve never heard about them until now.

Some quotes. I’m going to let them speak for themselves:

“Sweet Valley, California! Rosa thought. It really is a place where dreams come true!”

[upon arriving at the PBA meeting at Casa Fowler] “In the back by the pool, there are a dozen fairy-tale princesses, Rose thought, and they’re going to make me a fairy-tale princess too.“

[Lila, upon seeing Sandra Bacon with her boyfriend, Manuel] “I don’t know how she can date him” she murmered to Amy. “He’s so ethnic and working class.”

Shocker! The PBAs are co-sponsoring a dance with Phi Episilon. It must be a Friday.

One of the pledge tasks was to sneak into the men’s locker room and steal things. Liz claims she knows what kind of deoderant Todd uses. Ew.

What an ass, or Sleepover Friends #12 Kate’s Sleepover Disaster

Posted on by
13

This was a follow up to Lauren’s Sleepover Exchange, where the farm kids from Walden stayed with the gang in Riverhurst. Now they get to go to Walden where taking a week off from school is apparently okay with everyone. What if someone isn’t allowed to go? Do they just not go to school for a week? Anyhoo, they mostly run around the farm and eat like pigs. What a letdown.

The book before this is the one where they all thought that Stephanie’s dad lost his job, when it turns out that Ms. Green was knocked up. So the gals entered all sorts of sweepstakes and they didn’t realize that they ended up winning a burro. Instead of giving the girls a good slap to the back of the head for doing that, the Greens kept the burro for a while, let it destroy their garage and yard, and pay for it to be in a stable. And basically bend over and take it from Stephanie.

Rebecca Newman from Walden agrees to take it, and Mr. Green is all “yay! I’ll rent a trailer and drive five fucking hours to drop you off and deliver this damn animal and then turn around and go right home! Just what I wanted to do!” Because Stephanie is the most spoiled child ever.

So they are at the farm and the stupid donkey (is that synonymous with burro?) keeps escaping. Also, Kate is staying with some girl Wanda whose family are atrocious slobby pigs, which is explained because their mother is away. Which is totally sexist. Stephanie claims she knows all about controlling kids and comes by and bribes the kids to behave by giving them lots of her stylish black, white, and red clothes. I guess Stephanie learned from her parents about buying children’s respect when they gave her her own fucking house for her birthday.

And they eat…a lot. These books are like food porn. They have pancake breakfasts and go to donut shops, have huge turkey dinners and talk about how they constantly eat until they feel sick and want to burst. Can someone teach these girls healthy eating habits? And to stop eating when they are full? This is going to give them problems later on.

And still, parents let these brats get into all sort of mischief and never get mad. During a truth or dare game, Lauren is dared to sneak out to a haunted cabin, and then Stephanie falls in the lake and screams and wakes everyone up at like 2am, especially the farmer parents who have to be up at 4am. And no one is mad. Parents are doormats in this world. apparently.

the first death of the series or #12 When Love Dies

Posted on by
61

Hey all, I had some time to read an old skool one…be back next week!

Good lord, Tricia Martin. Leukemia is the least of your problems. Let’s talk about how you are dressed as an Amish school teacher. And I’d suggest some hot oil treatment.

So Tricia has leukemia and breaks up with Steven so it will be easier for him when she dies. Cara throws herself on Steven and to get back at Tricia he goes for it. Finally, Steven finds out the truth and goes to Tricia to be with her when she dies. Blah blah blah.

Meanwhile Jessica finds out that local tv star Jeremy Frank (are there really local tv stars? Who actually watches public access?) has broken his leg so Jessica convinces Liz to volunteer to be a candy striper with her. Jess acts like an ass if front of Jeremy and keeps hurting him and spilling stuff on him. She even walks in on him naked. It’s crazy! I thought everyone in Sweet Valley had no genitals. They just looked like Barbie and Ken dolls. So Liz and Jeremy plan on getting back at Jessica (the ONE time I thought Liz had a good idea) and Jeremy pretends he is in love with Jessica and proposes to her. You’d think Jessica would catch on but she is so dense that she is flattered and accepts his proposal. Jeremey then pulls a “you’ve been punked!” on her.

Oh, and Liz is the one that discovers that Tricia has leukemia and convinced her to go to Steven because of course without Liz’s advice how would anyone ever live their lives?

Whenever anyone goes to the poor side of town, the streets are always littered with bottles and garbage. Like the city of Sweet Valley is so disgusted with poor people that they do not ever send over sanitation trucks.

At the end, Liz is kidnapped by Carl, a creepy orderly in the hospital. Probably has something to do with her beauty and size six figure. We’ll figure it out in the next book, peculiarly named Kidnapped!

How about some vomit-inducing Liz and Todd foreplay talk:

“He thinks Tricia has another boyfriend, but I’m not so sure. Why would she be so miserable if she had someone else?”

“You’re right. I don’t buy it either. Somehow I can’t imagine Tricia with anyone but Steve. They seemed perfect together.”

“Like us, you mean?” Elizabeth fed Todd a french fry off her plate, yanking her hand away with an outraged giggle when he began nibbling her fingers.

Todd laughed. “Face it. Nobody is like us. If we were crazier about each other, they’d have to send out the little men in the white coats.”

“You’re so romantic, Todd.”

Lesson learned: having a deadly disease is great for your looks. If I had a nickel for every time I read about Tricia’s thin frame and beautiful pale skin…

Grade: C